Need some input

[stepmom2b]

my fiance and his ex-wife recently renegotiated a parenting plan.  He has primary placement  for 2 boys (11,10).  She gets eow Friday-Sunday; and opposite Thursday overnite.  Summer is 50/50.

There is a serious issue between mom and youngest son.  They were in therapy but she quit going when therapist suggested that she might be the problem and tried giving her parenting help.  Since the new order has been in place she refuses visitation with youngest child.  Will only take the older boy.

Needless to say there has been ongoing issues for the last 5 years but this is the worst one yet.  I know we can't force her to see her son but we are not sure how to handle this issue.  We don't mind having him full time but we know that it hurts his feelings and he'll have lots of issues in the future.

I think we should just wait 6 months and go back to court to get full legal/placement with supervised visitation (which she won't use) and have child support recalculated.   What would you do?  Any insight would be appreciated.

[Kitty C.]

'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.'

Even if you had an order, that doesn't mean she'd follow through with it.  About all you can do is damage control on your YSS........continue the counseling and/or therapy as long as it's needed.  You might also want to investigate if there is a pediatric psychologist in your area......in the long term, that might be a better route than a counselor or therapist.  And this very well could be long term.  Just make sure if you do go that route that you specifically choose a 'pediatric' psychologist....children are not 'little people' and their issues and the way they deal with them are totally different than adults.

Just remember that you may not be able to shield him from all the pain and hurt.  If this is the legacy his mother chooses to give him, there's no way to stop it or the suffering that will accompany it.  It's very possible that when he reaches adulthood, he'll tell her to take a flying leap and he never wants to see her again.   It's a tragedy, but it's also a possible reality that no one can change but her.  All you can do is love him, support him, make sure he gets all the help he needs to work through this...........and pray to God that some day soon she realizes what she's doing and comes around.  Just don't hold your breath on the latter.

[stepmom2b]

Thanks for your reply.  Being the mother of 2 adult children I can't understand how some women do this to their child!  We will look into a pediatric psychologist; thanks for the suggestion.  I know he'll probably suffer long term from his mother rejecting him; we've dealt with minor school issues already but we try our hardest to make him understand that it isn't his fault, but that is a fine line to walk with him.....  Thanks again!