Airplane or automobile??

[stepma]

My DH's visitation order is finally at the point where ex "transports" DSS to us for a weekend( we live 1100 miles apart).  I called her to find out which days she had off so I could send her our notice of intent.... so we could get all of the fighting finished before the x-mas holidays. She tells me she is getting a week off and wants to visit family in our state and that if we rented her a car she would drop off/pick up DSS at a halfway point. The whole reason for her transporting DSS is because it will be his first time on a plane and after this visit he will be doing it by himself. She didn't seem to care about that and mentioned how much money she would be saving us (not much). If we rent her a car and meet halfway it would be the same as us driving all the way to DSS's home state and back, which is pointless. So my question is: if a war starts because she refuses to put DSS on a plane, is that considered contempt ? frustration of visitation? Or should we just give up, give in, and get it over with?x(

[Kimberly9]

I would express your concern and reasons why you wanted your ss to fly.  Then, if she is still insistent on the driving him, and you still get all of your time with ss -- I would let it go.

You have to pick your battles and decide if it is worth fighting for.

[joni]

careful not to deviate from the court order, if you do, it might be considered implied consent and you're making yourself vunerable for future costs and responsibilities.

as long as her commuting your child doesn't interfere with your parenting time, let her spend 22 hours in a car for 1,100 miles.  she's an idiot.  tell her "thanks" for saving you the money by driving herself but DO NOT MEET HER.  clearly, she's only interested in saving herself her own plane ticket.

she's testing your patience, tolerance and limits.  stand your ground.  if your court order says she doesn't have to fly, shame on your attorney for not being more specific and detailed in your court orders.  lesson learned for the next round.

I wouldn't worry about your SS on the plane in the future, he'll be fine.  Airlines do this for a living and it'll work out.  

as a precaution, I would have my attorney write the BM a letter reminding her of her responsibilities under the current court order and that you will NOT be renting a car to meet her half way.  that should put the kabash on her.

[MixedBag]

If she doesn't put him on the plane like the court order says she's supposed to, that's contempt.

And you have to file the motion to show cause in order to get the time back with DSS with the court.

DH's Son is over that distance away from us and my son abut 750 miles.  BOTH of our EXs have played the game of not putting our respective sons on the plane or threatening not to do it UNLESS we do it their way.

Both of us are court ordered to pay for transportation and so we buy the plane tickets and then the EXs start playing the games.  My judge reamed my EX for threatening not to put our son on the plane.  DH's EX's judge said the same thing to her in the court room.  At one point my judge asked my EX if he wanted to be ordered to do 1/2 the transportation?  (And my EX said he would if he had to -- yea right).  DH's EX still hasn't figured it out -- and that's why she keeps getting into trouble in court.

What does the order say about who pays for the tickets in the future?  That seems to be the crux of our problems (on both sides).  We are ordered to pay for transportation (in both our divorces), and we believe we should get to choose the flight.  Our EXs want to tell us which flight to use and what day etc....  

In my case, my EX('s attorney) brought in a post from here where I said the upside of being ordered to do/pay for the transportation is that you're in control of the situation.  They tried to say I was -- well, don't remember the exact word, somewhere again along the lines of a control freak.  Judge said "She's right."  EX still doesn't get it.

Good luck!

[stepma]

Thanks for the advice it is greatly appreciated. *Update*  My DH called PBFH and basically told her to write everything down on paper and send it (document, document, document!!!) we learned our lesson the hard way. She prefers to stray from the topic at hand and argue, I think she is upset because it is getting to the point where contact between her and DH will be limited after this visit. She mentioned a few "rules" and said the "state" was behind her, she wanted SS to spend every other night with her in the hotel and we weren't allowed to take him out of city limits. Of course these stipulations are not in the decree and my DH and I are at the point where we aren't going to give in to her B.S. any longer and I have a bad feeling we are all going to end up in court soon.

p.s. we are to pay all transportation costs for SS and EX this visit, but if EX wants to come on next visit she has to buy her own ticket.

[cathy]

What exactly does it say?  Is she responsible for half the transportation?  Is she responsible for transporting the child to you?   Is there any mention of how this is to be done?  Any specifics at all?

I assume she is saying that  the rental of the car would be less than half the airfare??  How does she see that as saving you all this money?  Seems like SHE is the one that would be reallly saving the money.