force visitation or not?

[OregonStepMom]

My ex-wife has primary custody of our two minor boys.  She has done everything possible to keep them from on my visitation days.  Hence, I have not seen them in more then 8 weeks.  I have talked with my new wife, and we are thinking about going to my ex's house on the next scheduled visitation day with a video camera and trying to force her to let me see my children.  Is this a good or bad idea???  with an upcoming court hearing where she claims my new wife is a "pill popping booze hound" and we are taking the position that we are trying our best not to inflict more emotional damage on the children......I am torn, Please help!

[Kimberly9]

Yes, I would try to force the visitation.  But, I might go about it a little differently.

First, send a "Notice of Intent to Exercise Visitation Letter" that is available on this website.  Send it certified mail so that you have proof of receipt.

Next, I would take a witness along with the video camera. . .but don't make it your current wife.  A third party that is less closely involved will make a better witness.  Plus,  if bm thinks step mom is a "pill popping booze hound", that might make  a tough situation worse.  I hate saying that. . .as a step-mom I know how she wants to be there to support you. . .but I think you have to do what makes it easiest.  

If she still refuses, file a contempt of court charge for EVERY violation of the court order.   While in court, ask judge for make-up time, payment of your attorney fees and court costs.  Plus, you might ask the judge for a remedy to make the pick-up and drop-off less emotional.   Ask to pick up the children from school/daycare or to meet at the local police station or other public place.

Good luck.  Others will give you better more specific adivice.  But whatever you do NOT give up on your boys.  As emotional damaging as a tense visitation exchange may feel at the time, it doesn't even come close to the damage that the kids will feel if you give up.  Boys need their dads.  They will feel abandoned if you let her keep you from them.  Be consistent and be there for every available parenting opportunity -- plus as much more as possible.

[patton]

Be sure it is LEGAL to video tape and record other party in your state and that it's admissable in court.

Some states are one party and some are two party.  Some don't allow video taping.  Don't do anything illegal to jeopardize your case.

And Kim's right, get some 3rd party to tape or record the visitation pick up for you.  Also send that certified RR letter.  Just shows you have more proof to picking up.

[gipsy]

Here's what My atty say's
   Show up on your visitation day , With a witness , Your significant other isn't the best witness because she Of course is Biassed , If the parenting plan say's they are supposed to be there and they are not then she has violated the parenting plan ,So you file contempt . If you can't afford an atty then call the court house the , BAR association and a prrelagal group and get the info to fle and have her served and show up your self, You just say , I need the court to enforce the plan because she isn;t cooperating , SOOO Heres the deal , He also say's the court isn;t so likely to give you a contempt , And Then you ask for make up time  , They may give make up time , If they do then You in a sense win because mom tried all this and had to show up and still had to give the visit , If the court does nothing , then Here in pierce county you can go to the court and get a cd of the hearing , And listen to it and see what the commissioner said , Then the next time try to file and do better , But here's the deal if she doesn't get a contempt . she still had to take the day off to respond , , or she had to hire an atty , And if she talks to an atty , the atty will be likely to just say give up the visits ,
   BUT !!! here is what makes the most sense that My atty say's .    
   " parenting plans are not self enforcing" " So If one party doesn't comply then you have to go ask the commissioner to help you out "
   My cousin was having the same problem and he filed contempt and things have strightened out for him , Atty also said " if you let her do it you teach her that she can " FILE CONTEMPT

[EyeforKids]

There is no doubt in my mind about this answer.

Do all you think you can and take her to court.