Any advice for a mom locked in a custody battle?

[debid13065]

AMEN!

[Gram]

Of course there are exceptions, and it sounds like your son's case may be one. Then again, we're only hearing your side of things. And you are so articulate (Opinions are like butts) and fair-minded (often place children with unfit parents, simply because they have the title "mother" attached to their name.) You sound pretty angry; have you considered therapy? I do think it would be great for kids if their fathers would participate fully in their lives. Unfortunately that usually happens, if at all, after the divorce, when custody and money are on the line.

By the way, if you have a son old enough to have children then I'd bet you're at least as old as I am! LOL

[msme]

I don't know if I am older or younger than you & quite honestly, I don't care. FYI, I am 60 yoear old & very proud of every day the good Lord has given me. Your age is of no importance since you have obviously have not learned to keep up with the times & be open minded as you should have with the maturity that is supposed to come with age.

I am well known on this site. I have been here for nearly 5 years. Lots of folks here remember the hell we went through trying to protect the kids from a biased judge & their violent, druggie, prostitute mother. My son is not an exception. He is one of many fine father's who are doing a great job as the CP.

He has full custody & she gets 3 hours a week, which she has not taken since December, 2004. During her visits, she emotionally tortured them so bad that my grandaughter had to be put in a mental hospital, 4 times between the ages of 9 & 12.  Amazingly, since she stopped showing up, she was doing great.

Now, she has raised her ugly head again & my grandaughter is having a very hard time.  But then, I guess you think that is okay because it is her mother.

If you want to bash dads so bad, why don't you go to divorce source, they will love you over there.

[flagmom]

Your situation sounds exactly like mine.I have a one 1/2 baby girl with a very emotionally abusive ex who has an aggressive lawyer. Its killing me financially. I have two other children to support alone. Did you get any good advise you could share? I have done a lot of work trying to address the abuse aspect and get it heard by the court and it is not easy. If you share more about your situation maybe we could collectively assist each other. I have visitation 3 times a week supervised for one hour which I understand is pretty good even though the baby hates it and is being hurt by it terribly. Supervision susposedly is going away next week and I'm scared of this man.

[msme]

Make sure that your lawyer is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. As you will see repeated here quite often, Document, Document, Document! Start a word document & write down everything that happens, no matter how small or trivial. Often, little things will remind you of bigger things. What you may find insignificant, your lawyer may find very important.

NEVER argue with him. If he starts an arguement, walk away. Carry a mini tape recorder with you at all times. If you're in a one party state, the tapes can be used in court. If you are in a 2 party state, the tapes can still be used if you have CPS or a guardian ad lidum involved.

It is very difficult to deal with emotional abuse with a toddler. You really do not have any way to know how he is behaving when he is alone with her. You might get in the habit of video taping her everyday at about the time visitation would end. Then compare the tapes to see if there is a difference in her behavior on the days he sees her.

Make sure that you do not transfer your fears to her. Always greet her with a big smile & ask things like did you have a good time with daddy. I realize that she can't answer you yet but the atmosphere of her return should be pleasant, not you being frantic with worry.

I know this is hard but it is very important. Maybe if you can be the stable one, he will ease off & not be as difficult. When the supervised is over, try to have your exchange at the police station. They have survielence cameras in the parking lots & they can be out in a minute if you need help.

The most important piece of advice I can give you is something my son's therapist told him. You are not responsible for another person's behavior. You are only responsible for your reaction to it. Also, stop trying to rationalizing the actions of an irrational person. It can't be done.

Also, get yourself into therapy. It makes it a lot easier to deal with. I hope this helps you. If I can help, feel free to PM me.

Good luck & God bless!