Tired of the head games

[stressedstepmom]

Quick background for what we are going through THIS summer. SS's (age 15 & 14) are here for the summer. BM called DH before school was out in tears because she couldn't control the boys anymore. She wanted them picked up the day school was out and she wanted us to have them all summer. We couldn't make it there that weekend so she took them to DH's parents for a week.
As soon as we got them to our house she started her bs head games. She really only talks to the oldest boy. He seemed miserable because he misses his friends, so DH said that he understood and that SS could stay home when we go there this week for a family event. All of a sudden it turns into BM needs to "save him from his father" and she has been nonstop everyday all day.
Now she is texting both boys and saying that in NY the law states that once you are 14 you can stop visitation all together. I have researched NY laws and can't find anything like what she is saying.
BM lives with her parents and it is a very unstable household for many different reasons.
Youngest SS is staying for the rest of the summer, but she is nonstop telling him that if he wants to come home early we have to let him.
I will gladly accept any advice or insight that anyone has to offer. For now we have put up their cell phones and are making an appointment with the lawyer we keep in NY.
It just seems that everytime we open a door of communication with the BM she slams it shut and does a complete turnaround for no reason.

[notnew]

If the order stipulates phone contact with her while kids are with you, then stick to it.

If not, then you have done a good thing by just putting the phones up.

Have the kids call her once or twice a week to talk for a few minutes so she cannot claim you are denying her contact.

Seeing a lawyer is a good thing. Personally, I would have thought when she called frantic about you two taking the kids immediately and then dumped them on your DH's parents, the time is ripe to file for change in custody.

At least you have DH's parents to back up the story. I'd be interested to see what your lawyer says.

She is totally out of line and blowing smoke. Bad scene I know.

keep us updated please

[stressedstepmom]

No, the order does not stipulate phone contact. They were both told that they can call their mom at any time as long as it was reasonable. YSS likes to call at all hours of the night, and he also likes to call when he is pissed off at the world. We told him that there won't be any calls after certain times and he won't be allowed to call until he calms down, which is the same thing BM tells him.

We should have called the lawyer when she called us all frantic, I completely agree with that. But we waited until they were here to see how things went, for several different reasons.

I talked to the lawyer today and he said that her knowledge of the law was completely wrong. He said what we already knew, that unless a judge stopped visitation she had to comply or be held in contempt. He also suggested that we bring their phones in for "evidence" that even if it can't be used that it might scare her and make her rethink her actions. That is already working in our favor.

 She called OSS being all nice and said that she would stop the head games and try to work with DH as a team to ensure that they got the best care. She is freaked out because we have a lawyer and she knows that he is good at his job because we have unfortunately had to use him in the past.

We leave tonight to go to NY for a family event. OSS is still staying home after the event and YSS is coming back with us. We will have to wait and see how things go on Sunday, for that is the day that she is supposed to come pick up OSS. We are prepared for any and everything.

I will check in and give an update over the weekend. Hopefully though the drama will be over now. But with her it is always hard to tell.

[notnew]

Well, as hard as I know it can be. Just try to relax, not worry and enjoy your NY family event. I always say: "hope for the best and expect the worst, that way you won't be disappointed'!

I always hate telling everyone to be pro-active by initiating legal action or even discussing it and following through is necessary (never bluff with court action!), but for some, it is the ONLY thing that works!

Good luck and have a good time no matter what. The best revenge is living well! If the kids (OSS) sees also that these antics aren't ruining your lives, he may decide it's not worth the trouble. Long shot, but worth a try.

Kids are strange animals. In these situations, you have a hard time knowing if it's them acting like weirdos because they are kids becoming teenagers then adults, or if it's something else.

Smile and bear through it. We are behind you 100%!