PBFH is so jealous

[madstepmom]

Well Im actually not new here, since forum was changed For some reason, I had to redo my registration so I changed it from Madstepmom_intx to madstepmom....
ANYWAY>>>>

PBFH is griping about things SD says...PBFH actually is going to let us have SD for Thanksgiving, 1st TIME EVER!!!!  Anyway, I had to call today to talk to SD to find if I could change time to meet her stepdad at the store, because BM doesn't want me at their house (GO FIGURE)(don't care because I have 5 hr trip) anyway, SD told me to tell my college teacher that I can't come to class because I have to go get my daughter, and BM SCREAMS She is NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT your mother, and your not her daughter.......I think I have finally figured it out...She is insecure as a mother for some reason, because SD has always said that, its obvious Im not her mother, just a mother figure, but glad she thinks of me as one.  Anyway, she cannot stand for me to be CALLED or referred to as her mother, or any kind of parental obligation to her daughter.  It just amazes me and actually makes me laugh, that something that petty would bother her.  
Anybody else out there have this problem?  I have told SD to jsut call me Renae, but she insist that I am her mother, she said  I have 2.  Completely her decision, not mine.  As a matter of fact, I don't care what she calls me if it makes PBFH happy, so be it.  I know what I am, a loving mother and stepmom, that is proud to be called mother by ALL!
SD is 17, me and SD dad have been together for 13 yrs.  Will she ever change??????????????????        

Happy Thanksgiving to all
~~~Renae~~~~

[Mellybug]

This EXACT scenario hasn't happened, but very close.

Our PBFH is insanely jealous in much the same way. One day my boyfriend's son called me Mom, and then laughed and said, "Hahaha, I called you MOM!" I told him he could call me Mom if that's what he felt like. Or, he can call me by my name. I told him I don't care WHAT he calls me, as long as it isn't rude.

He went back and told PBFH, and she FLIPPED. She says, "Well, you tell Missy that you already HAVE a Mom, and it's NOT HER!". He didn't understand what the big deal was, since sometimes he slips up and calls her my name.

Yep, insecurities. The entire neighborhood here acknowledges that I'm more of a mother to them than she is, and they'd MUCH rather deal with me than her.

::Sigh::

It never gets better, does it? And I left highschool SO long ago...

Mellybug

[NancyLou]

Believe me when I tell you this, they never change.  It's not about who is the parent or not, it's a control issue to them.  My hubby's ex can't stand the thought of me being a parental figure to either of my stepkids.

Case in point:  My stepson is in Baghdad right now.  Went in March, was part of the ground war, leaves approximately late Jan, 2004.  In the entire time he has been there, I have written him app 20 letters and sent him several boxes of things.  One box included 3 dozen cookies that he asked me to bake for him.

His mother, his actual birth mom, the one who tried to take hubby's visitation from him because she felt I was a danger to them (she married a convicted felon, but that never mattered), the one who has repeated to anyone who would listen that she is the good mother, I am just the slut their father married, has sent him one postcard.  ONE POSTCARD!  And that post card was to tell him she was sending him a box of stuff (he's still waiting for it, tho the card was sent in June) and to demand that he no longer call me or his father, that he is to call JUST HER.  Should he refuse to comply with her directive, he is no longer a part of her family.  He will be 22 in January and she is still trying to do this sh--, er, stuff.

My stepson has referred to me in letters to me, his dad, his sister, his fiancee AND his mother, that I am one of his parents.

He basically rolls his eyes when she pulls her crap and we have a deal that when his mom can hear it, read it, etc., he doesn't refer to me as anything other than Nancy.  It keeps his life peaceful.

But he knows where the real caring and love come from.  He knows who wants him around because he's a member of the family, not because he's a source of revenue.

[nosonew]

Yup, agree to all of the above.  Our PBFH hated/hates me to no end, but since ss decided he would rather live with us, she is finally acting like a human being and "trying" to get along.  I guess she doesn't want to be treated the same way she has treated me for 10 years.  If she knew me better, she would know I will just keep all of my "ha ha, kiss my ass" to myself, and just be a smiling, pleasant, wonderful step momma to her face.  I would never interfere with her relationship with her son, that she has so, how should I put it, "ruined to a point" due to her insecurities, controlling nature, and over-all obsessive tendencies.  

So, as she sits in her big house all alone at night and day, (no other kids, no husband, no boyfriend, no friends), I hope she thinks of how much fun her son is having at our home, with 3 other siblings, dad, sm, and lots of love and laughter.

Horray for all the step mommies out there who have put up with the crap, and loved their steps even more for it.

[stepmom who cares]

We have the same problem - the BM is jealous - of the way I treat the kids (like humans), the house we live in, the cars we drive, the clothes we wear.   When she and husband divorced they were 23 years old lived in apt.  Fastforward 12 years - he has become successful - she still acts like she is 23 - has nothing.  I've said right to her face - guess you should have worked harder on marriage #2 - vs. screwing around.  And, if you think I am so evil - why do you leave your children with me - you must truly trust me!  As I have the kids 24/7 - 365!   I work hard, smart, and strive to meet my goals - I've told her to give it a try - but that would mean having a complete thought and having to work full-time!

[VeronicaGia]

Are you by chance in Michigan?  I ask because I know a Renae (spelled that way) here.  This would be funny!  And no, we're not enemies.

[lovehiskids]

Our PB hates me because I am educated, accomplished, and come from a much better family than she does. She also hates that DH is doing much better with me than he ever did with her professionally.

She calls me a snobby B and told the kids that they weren't allowed to like me, or that "They would be punished."

It's lovely when their insecurities come out, isn't it?