Discipline, etc.

[Dibella2]

LOL - honestly, HE comes in and sits on the pot when I'M in doing my hair!    So, that theory is kind of shot out of the water.

My children are 11 and 5.  My oldest isn't anti-social.  She's a very social individual UNTIL this friend comes over.  

[Davy]

IMvHO.  This issue is not who's kids are whose nor is it about 'private time'.  More to the point, it is about the parents ability to set the tone of family life within your home.  Do not, under any circumstance, allow an outsider to dictate the tone with their own dysfuntionality.  

I am not against the so-called 'private time' and it does not matter rather they are boys or girls.  The main endeavor for you and DH is to limit and structure ... before hand as much as possible ... the 'private time' with the emphasis on blending with all the activities and 'working and playing well with others'.   With the example given, you give way to lying, manipulation, abrupt changes in personality, etc etc.  

These are little girls ... age 11... not 17, 23, 36, 49, 58, 65, .....
Screw the Barbie dolls !  I thought  your DH handled the situation delicately.  I may have kindly sent the little bitch packing.

[Dibella2]

LOL - Hey!  Let's not beat around the bush.  Just tell me how you really feel...

What is IMvHO?  

I am in the middle of these replies.  I do believe that they deserve some private time; however, I do not believe they need 12+ hours of it.  I believe you are right on the nose when you say it gives way to lying, manipulation, and abrupt personality changes.   I think I mentioned that I noticed a change in her attitude.  I have been trying to get my oldest out of her shell for a couple of years now and she's been making progress.  When this girl comes over, she regresses.  Even at school, I hear how her friend doesn't want someone else to play with them.  I'm hoping that with middle school around the corner, that will be the break that my daughter needs to find other girlfriends.

Thank you for your reply.

[Davy]

IMvHO - in my Very humble opinion.

The behavior you described at school is not surprising and you suggested a positive change by mentioning the middle school.  Hold out hope for that !!

Our school system is a blessing in that it was designed in a pyramid effect by demographics where, as example, there are 50 elementary schools (K-5), 25 middle schools (6-8), 6 high schools (9-10) and 3 senior highs (11-12) thus giving way to maintaining positive relationships and putting to the side negative relationships.

BTW (by the way), the the flavor of your post is that you and DH are concerned and involved with the kiddos.  Best of luck !!   FYI; my  granddaughter/son are 11/10 respectfully.  Three adult children.  

[stepmomtwo1]

Good luck. I had one dd before we were married and so did dh but I was never married before and he was. When our families blended things were a mess. I was very strict with my child but he never made his mind at all saying he only had her for 4 days a month so he didn't want to disapline her. What a mess!

So I kept doing what I had been with my dd and he kept letting his chid run wild. She would purposley break rules she knew my dd would be punished for and I finally had enough. If this child was going to live with us every other weekend then she would have the same rules and punishment.

It lasted for 3 years and then she quit coming with us after she had so sit time out,thats right she sat time out and wouldn't come back. If my dd would have done the same thing she would have been swatted on the bottom but the rules were still more lax because the ex hated sd being spanked.

Now 8 years later ds is a drinking,smoking pierced wild child who lives with her mom and has no rules (she even pulled her out of school to "home school" her becuse she was flunking every subject but art) and my dd is an honor student,in sports and very well liked by her classmates and teachers.

This will be a problem until the end of time I'm afraid. :(

Good luck!

[wendl]

well I am lucky, my dh backs me up and visa versa.

Maybe you can put a rules/consequenecs on a board and post of frid or something, basically 1st time you dont follow rules xx will happen, second time xx will happen. Then the rules and the consequences remain the same. You and dh need to talk about both of you backing eachother up or they will walk all over you.