SM getting blamed for BM's BS

[MixedBag]

I agree with rini on the advice she gave.

When Dh's son is here, and even a while ago when his girls were here and they wanted to color their hair or do what I considered something fairly permanent (ear piercings), I simply told them "Not on my watch because that's too permanent and I'm not sure your mother would approve."  I was at home all days with them and DH at work.

He too has joint legal.

Hair cuts to make the son look like he's a boy (his hair is real thick and needs haircuts to make it look good), yep, sometimes that the first thing we do on the day after he gets here.

Tatoos were also a big no no -- not on my shift.  If SS's mom said yes, then that's her decision.  Even if dad said yes, I would vote no and then step back.  Notice the use of the word VOTE -- not decide, because I'm the step-mom in this case and shouldn't decide.

[stepmomtwo1]

Just remember step moms have to have big sholders. We carry the load for everything that goes wrong, every mistake the bio parents make and don't want to lay claim too (yes even the things my dh did wrong) and there usually is no way to make a child understand without making yourself look bad.

I know it's stressful but you know your a good person. Bm can say anything about you she wants and it's really gonna hurt and it may take years and years before your ss learns just how much you love him but it will happen.

My sd thinks I'm evil because I was the only person to disapline her and like your bm ours always brain washed the child that we did everything to be mean to her and we didn't love her. Finally she took the child away from us and it was hard. Now I can kick myself for letting her have her way and keep the child when we have rights but I also know that one day this girl will come back to us and understand that we love her.

Kids are kids...they learn what they are taught from people they "think" love them the most and are looking out for their best interest.

Keep doing what your doing and after a while ss will see for himself. If she keeps talking bad about you and you just keep quiet your the bigger person. Maybe thats the purpose for all of this, to make you look better in the end even though it really hurts right now.

Best of luck. I would just tell ss that you love him and wouldn't ever do anything to hurt him. If his mom shaved his head that was her option as his mom but you and he both know that his hair was fine.

[DeeDee]

I dunno what anyone else said...

but as a custodial stepmom for more than nine years now..I know enought not to sent clothes with sk's that have been alterated...even if they go  with sweats....

I KNOW if I had sent alterated clothes with sk's that not only would bm rip out the stitching, but would have burned the clothes...

I know because she DID buirn the clothes and said it was dh's fault because he dared let someone other than "her" repair said clothes AND she spoke on and on about how she burned "her boys undies" in same said fire when she only burned dh's (which upon her command sk's stole from her and gave it to them).

My point as a step mom is..

buy ss or sd the same pants and alterate them on your own...tell sk's you haven't finished...tell sk's they can wear them next time they come to visit..

if sk's play said game..(which is that they wear altered clothes) next time they visit OKAY....if they don't wear the same clothes again..alter nothing....it is how it is..

when/if you alter ss's pants  DO NOT send them home with him...

as a step...you cannot  accept credit for anything you do.. ( I know this I am the custodial step of four and the non-custodial step of one)..

If you want to create something for your sk's...then you have to create it for them and YOU and NO ONE ELSE!!!!

DeeDee