MAJOR SCHOOL PROBLEMS.

[tharper001]

I'm not quite sure why you're referring to the BF as having an axe to grind or being drunk.  Maybe I'm misunderstanding.

The biological father (my husband) absolutely has an axe to grind -- with the way his child is being raised, with the courts dragging their feet on such important issues, with the department that is supposed to protect children yet talks to him as though he is breaking the law by reporting that his child is home alone late at night... you're damn right he has an axe to grind... and every single right to grind it.  His daughter's life has been ripped away from her.  She has been placed in the middle by this despicable mother who thinks this is all about her.  You know what... that woman could walk out in front of a bus... and WE'D HAVE A PARTY!!!!!!  A BIG PARTY!!!!  Of course, we would never express this in front of the child, but that would be one celebrated day.  She is the most worthless human being I've ever met.  She attacks my husband, she is destroying her daughter and the courts continue to drag their feet.  

Yes, there's a sex offender living less than .03 miles from her house.  Yes, there are about 10 sex offenders living less than 5 miles from her house.  We've pulled all of that information.  We've pulled a lot of information, including sex offenders in our area -- none within 5 miles.  Including comparisons of the school she's attending, and the one she could be.  A parenting plan that my husband put together to show what we could do for the child.  A history of the living arrangements of the mother (too many to list, as well as jobs that she bounces to and from, and men, and schools attended by the child), compared to my husband's history of the same time frame.

ONE PROBLEM -- It has yet to get in front of a judge, it has yet to be sent to the General Master... our attorney is very, very good -- but this court system SUCKS!  We have so much information it is unbelievable... but it doesn't do a damn bit of good stuck in our filing box at the attorney's office.  We have three courts dates coming up in June... not one has to do with custody -- and our attorney has been working on it for almost two years.  One does have to do with my husband's request to force the mother to have a psychiatric evaluation... wonder what will happen there!  Probably will get a liberal judge.  Poor single mother... oh poor single mother -- I have seen what this woman has done to this child over six years... my husband has watched it for close to 12... it's time he shows what he can do as a full time parent, and hopefully there's still time to save this poor child.  If we don't get her soon... there is absolutely NO HOPE.  She will grow to be just like her mother -- have nothing to show for almost 40 years on this planet, have abusive relationships, probably get into drug use, or become pregnant very early, continue to disrespect others from teachers to her peers, etc.... God help us if we don't get this child away from this poor excuse of a mother.

[nikilax]

I think the prior poster was referring to the BM's ex boyfriend that you mentioned was willing to testify for you.

And then the poster was saying that if there are menaces around, BM's current BF being in the house is better than nothing even if he is drunk.

[tharper001]

Oh, I mistook BF for biological father, not boyfriend.  And yes, someone around is better than nothing -- but who knows if this guy would molest my stepdaughter.

And I can assure everyone... this woman has a history of public disturbance and domestic violence that is documented.  There is only one common denominator associated with her years and years of these types of relationships.

She is the type of woman that will push and push and push until finally the other person will just snap.  Or... she will go into such fits of rage, that she becomes dangerous to whomever is in the room.  I completely believe the ex-boyfriend... I completely believe that he was trying to keep her from hitting him and he was having to restrain her so hard that it bruised her.  My husband has had to restrain her before -- like the time she put her hands through a window in a fit of rage and was bleeding like crazy... he had to jump on top of her and try to get her to quit moving around... then she claimed he was trying to choke her... Although -- I'm really surprised he was not.

She's been thrown down the stairs by a deputy sheriff before that was her boyfriend at one time.  My husband did slap her one time -- there is nothing on file, but I don't blame him at all.  He has never even come close to striking me or even making me think that he would do something like that.  And she is the only one he ever did that to.  She is the type of woman that will not stop -- she will scream and cuss and throw things and will continue until she gets a response, then turns it around.  That is her M.O. and has been for many, many years.  And as far as I'm concerned, if a man hits her, she absolutely deserves it.  And for those bleeding hearts out there that don't think women should be hit -- there are some out there that deserve it.  And she is one of those.  Believe me... I am amazed there are people in this world like her.  In my 32 years on this planet, I have always gotten along with people, I have always made friends, I have never been treated with anything other than respect.  She has been in my face numerous times (I offered to take the child to the dentist one time and she got in my face at a soccer game--not anything she should have been upset about).  She is irresponsible, she has a nasty attitude, she screams and yells and cusses unlike anything I've ever heard... she is just an all around failure and loser of a mother.  And I can't wait until she has to face her lies in court -- it's long in waiting, but will be well worth it if we ever get into court.

[StPaulieGirl]

Didn't you say that he's willing to help you both?  I just wondered if he had any real information, or if he wanted to get even.  That's what I meant by the ex bf having an axe to grind.  I wasn't referring to your husband.

Of course your husband has every right to be angry.  I don't blame you for wishing her dead.  Instead of a bus, may I recommend an 18 wheeler?  lol!

You've both done your homework and that's good.  This is a dangerous world these days, no matter how careful a parent can be.  

I don't want to be negative but from my experience, a child's character is formed very early in life.  I have 4 kids ranging from 24 through 9.  They have the same father.  I was married to him for 19 years.  There are days when I want to ship the two youngest ones off to their father, and run away, change my name and leave no forwarding address.  The two oldest ones are still doing the sibling rivalry thing, even though they're in their early twenties!  I have enough crap to deal with without fielding phone calls from both girls bitching about each other to me.

My 9 yr old missed out on all the "good stuff".  Daddy knew I was trying to get away, so he made her his little princess.  The older kids then turned on her, but then would be nice to her the next minute.  She and her brother are completely passive aggressive to the point of stupidity.  You my dear, are in for a world of chaos should you win custody.  12 yrs old is late in the ball game.  Say prayers, sometimes it works, sometimes God has a different plan.  Personally, I'm about prayered out...

[tharper001]

See, I mistook bf for biological father and not boyfriend.  I'm sorry for the confusion.  I did not go back to the entire postings... just copied the link and responded that way.

Tell me about it... 12 is way late in the game.  It's so unbelievable how this little girl at age 6 that I knew has changed so drastically (for the worse) in 6 years.  Now... don't get me wrong.  She comes over to our house for visitation and is fine.  We simply try to let her be a kid... sometimes I think too much, but we don't talk about things going on... we simply do things together and let her have some fun -- God only knows what she is dealing with at home.

It will be a whole different ball game if we do get her.  We will be exhausted just simply trying to keep up with the family counseling that we will do, with the tutoring programs that she will be involved in and then, once she improves her grades and study habits, we will get her involved again with sports and those types of activities.  She's not going to like it one bit -- coming home and doing homework before anything else.  And there will be a limit on TV and game playing.  Hopefully between the counseling and the tutoring, we can work on her respect issues and her social skills a little.  I'm hoping with time, she will come to see she doesn't need to take the defense role anymore because she will be in a stable environment -- and this should help in her social skills.  We will also work on her weight -- she's a big, chunky girl for her age.  She's going through that awkard stage, but is starting to grow tall.  Since we will actually be there to supervise her, we can make sure she eats healthy and stays active so she can slim down and won't be made fun of.  

My husband should know that I love him a whole lot... because if I didn't, I would never have stuck around for this B.S.  If I would have known the whole situation, I never would have fallen in love with him in the first place.  Should have listened to my mother about dating men with children!  Although I wouldn't trade my husband for the moon or the stars!

I also hope that my husband and I can have children, and I believe that will help his daughter with her transition.  We should begin trying again within the next few months--miscarriage a year ago... Then we can truly show her how families should be and how being responsible and respectable can only lead you in the right directions.

[StPaulieGirl]

That's ok, no problem.

You've got your work cut out for you, that's for sure.  If I may make a suggestion, don't pile on too much at first.  Just get her schoolwork back on track.  Counseling was a joke for us, however you might have better luck than I did.  My kids played the doctors.  

The weight thing is tricky.  Either the girl just sits around eating junk food and doesn't exercise, or she's doing it for attention.  I went nuts when my 24 and 21 yr old girls were teenagers.  The older one was anorexic, and the younger one ate to excess.  I read that it is a sign that the child doesn't feel that he/she has any control over their enviroment.  The one thing that they feel that they can control is what goes into their stomach.  I used to put my ear up to the bathroom door to make sure the oldest wasn't vomiting.  She exercised like 4 times a day and was a size 2.  The younger one would hide food in her dresser drawers.  I found out tracking the ant trails :-(  Personally, I would let your SD have her goodies, but get her out bike riding and roller skating, etc.  Making an issue of it is a fatal mistake.  Lol, I learned the hard way.

Your husband is a lucky guy.  I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage, but don't get discouraged.  You'll have your baby.  

The reason I'm up so late is that I'm still spitting nails over a situation.  My 21 yr old and her bf set me up with a neighbor.  We hit it off great.  Ever since then (October), they've been undermining us to each other.  That's why I'm up so late.  He and I talked on the phone for 3 hours comparing notes.  He's on permanent disability.  His kids receive disability payments, but he tries to do odd jobs and send money to his kids.  He's been helping my girl's bf customize his truck.  He hasn't seen a dime, but they're bitching about my friend staying for dinner.

He's done with it.  He apparently got burned on a car he purchased on Ebay.  The guy who was going to haul it back here, called my friend up and told him that not only were the brakes not rebuilt, but the car was in such bad condition that it should be scrapped.  It's a 59 something or other.  Huge beast.  His girl turns 18 in 3 yrs, and that is supposed to be her birthday present.  I looked up phone numbers for the Indiana attorney general for him, but I guess they don't have phones.  I did find a number for general info, so he's calling that tomorrow. He did get a lead on a civil attorney in that state.  His daughter doesn't know yet.

My daughter's bf thinks it's going to be payday when my mom's will gets probated.  They can think again.  That's their attitude.  My friend did approximately 5k worth of body work on this guy's truck.  No money.  He's worked on his brother's truck.  No money.  We went up and spent a couple of days up there.  We don't smoke in the house, so I went and sat in my girl's car with her, and had a cigarette.  All she did was bitch about my friend and how lazy he is.  It was not a pleasant weekend.

I wish it would get better, but the only person I can change is myself.  All you and your husband can do is set basic ground rules and present a united front.  Be flexible, but know when to take a stand.  I hope she appreciates how much you both care for her.