visitation and alienation

[fldad]

What can I do about my wife alienating my 12-year-old son from me?
She has shut off her home phone so the only way I can call or get a hold of him is to call her cell. She then commences on dictating to him responses while she sit there off to the side and give him the thumbs up for being rude. She is bringing in all the things from the past that has happened between her and me and weaving it into his head and trying to drive a wedge between my son and me. On my visitation days she says he's got other plans, and doesn't make him available, Now he has been disrespectful cursed and bad mouthed me on the phone, he, (my son) thru her cohearsing and approval (because he is 12, and Knows what he is doing is not right) now don't want to come and see me because he is afraid of my reaction. I have assured him that I don't blame him and that I just want to spend time with him, she has expressed in the past her worry that when he became of age to do so that my son would want to come and live with me (we like to do a lot of the same stuff) She was in an abusive family and her brother even killed himself a few years ago from depression she really has no family and is trying what ever she can do to hold on to the one she has (my son) by turning him against me What can I DO? I haven't seen him in a month and my court papers say 2days a week and every other weekend

[Peanutsdad]

You'll need to start contempt proceedings against your ex. Plain and simple.




 
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http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

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http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

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http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm

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http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vassiliou.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner06.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-navarre.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner01.htm

THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand01.htm - size 40kb - 20 Oct 2003
12. Mediation And Parental Alienation Syndrome by Anita Vestal
This article looks at parental alienation syndrome (PAS), which is a complex manifestation of mental and emotional abuse resulting from conflicted parents fighting for custody.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vestal.htm - size 52kb - 20 Oct 2003
13. Recommendations for Dealing with Parents Who Induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in Their Children
PAS is commonly seen in highly contested child-custody disputes. The author has described three types: mild, moderate, and severe, each of which requires special approaches by both legal and mental health professionals.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner02.htm - size 54kb - 20 Oct 2003
14. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Studies of target parents who are falsely accused of abuse report they tend to be less disturbed than their accusing counterparts.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand12.htm - size 53kb - 20 Oct 2003
15. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand11.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
16. Parental Alienation Information Archive
All the information on the SPARC site regarding Parental Alienation has been consolidated on this central reference page.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm - size 17kb - 20 Oct 2003
17. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II) (cont.)
In the following case, the accused father was an officer in the military. Testimony on PAS by the defense expert provided the judge and jury with some alternative explanations as to the reasons the children accused their stepfather of abuse.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand13.htm - size 31kb - 20 Oct 2003
18. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand02.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
19. Expanding the Parameters of PAS
The newness of the parental alienation syndrome (PAS) compels its redefinition and refinement as new cases are observed and the phenomenon becomes better understood.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-cartwright.htm - size 32kb - 20 Oct 2003
20. PAS: How to Detect It and What to Do About It
Although parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a familiar term, there is still a great deal of confusion and unclarity about its nature, dimensions, and, therefore, its detection.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-walsh2.htm - size 24kb - 20 Oct 2003




One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

 

[nosonew]

You have to show her that you will NOT tolerate this.  Unfortunately, no matter what you do she will continue to say and act this way in front of your son.  She is fearful of being AlONE in life, and likely thinks of him as her possession, rather than a real, living, feeling, human.  She sounds like she has a few narcissistic  tendencies, and you need to keep from reacting to those things that set her off.  

#1. RECORD all phone calls.  If it is illegal in your state NOT to have 2 party agreement, if she answers the phone, notify her verbally, on tape, you are recording, and let her continue.  She may hang up, whatever...she can't NOT talk to you forever. Always state you are recording if it is illegal in your state.  If not illegal, record every, every call.  Record calls between yourself and your son.  You have the right to give consent for your son as you are his guardian, so this issue should be a problem.  Then, if in the background, she is telling him this and that, you have it on tape.  ***NOTE: Some judges will not listen to tapes or read transcription of tapes...however, better to be safe than sorry. * I am NOT an attorney, so ask your attorney regarding this if you need to.

#2. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.  Every visit, every phone call, every attempted  phone call, every thing you do related to your son.  

#3. If she is denying visits, send a Registered Return Receipt letter (put reg letter # on top of letter enclosed) and request your INTENT TO EXERCISE YOUR VISITATION.  You can include more than one date.  This site has a form letter you can use, or copy from as you choose.  Be sure to put your reg. # on all pages you enclose and keep copies for yourself.

#4. As hard as it is...be so nice to her, without giving in, it makes you sick to your stomach.  NEVER be rude, NEVER say a negative word about her, NEVER say anything that may HURT you later....believe me, you will regret it.  

#5. Never give up.  This seems to be the consensus with this board...

#6.  Know what you are up against.  Research, read, ask questions....

#7.  Have a GREAT attorney.  

#8.  Gather your evidence, file for contempt.  

This and other suggestions will help you in your fight to be your son's dad...whether custodial or not.  

[Bolivar OH]

1. Document
2. Document
3. Document

Kitty C. I believe has had experience with PAS.  If she does not respond to your post, give her an email.

[Kitty C.]

Not as severely as others on this site, so I defer to anyone else with more experience.............

[rini]

go to self help

last forms on the bottom..

form for civil contempt.

reference court order and file for a hearing ..

go to your self help county office

rini

[darkspectre]

In spite of the fact that the courts suck where men are concerned, they do work to some degree when an order is already in place.

You don't need to sit around and wring your hands over what to do and how to get her to stop. Slap a contempt petition on her ass and take it in front of a judge. She has no choice but to adhere to the custody order and the only way she'll get away with not adhering to it is if you let her.

If what you're saying is true, and I have no reason to doubt you, don't waste another second contemplating how to get her to act right. Take her to court and let her explain to a judge why her phone's disconnected and why she tells your son to bad mouth you while she eggs him on, etc., etc. Let's see if she still thinks it's so cool.