don't know how to handle this.....

[barbie]

Soc,

I am NCM.  Ex and children live 1.5 hours away.  I drove up for son's ball game last night.  Daughter (6yrs old) was not there until game was over.
When she did get there with SM she acted as if I did not exist.  I went over to hug and she pulled away.  Following SM like a robot.  I have said for years that they were trying to turn my children against me and last night I was proved right, again.  This was not the first time she was hesitant to show affection in person or even on phone, but hurts the most.

1) isn't this a sign of PAS?  and/or HAP?

2) how do I discuss this with my daughter without stooping to their level? and without putting more pressure on daughter?

3) what, if anything, can I do about this?  (keeping in mind I do not have the $5000 it will take to get evaluations and lawyer, but I am saving up for it.)

Thank you!

[socrateaser]

>1) isn't this a sign of PAS?  and/or HAP?

Maybe, maybe not. As evidence, all by itself, it's not very useful to either side.

>
>2) how do I discuss this with my daughter without stooping to
>their level? and without putting more pressure on daughter?

I'm not a psychologist, so this question is beyond my expertise. If you are concerned that the child is not communicative with you, and you cannot manage to restore a cooperative relationship with your ex, then I suggest that you file a motion with the court and ask that the child be evaluated by a professional to attempt to discover the true nature of the problem. Alternatively, if you have joint legal custody of the child, even though you are the non-custodial parent, you have the right to seek this sort of therapy on your own, and then if it appears to the therapist that the child is being manipulated, then you can ask the court to order a new custody hearing on those grounds.

>
>3) what, if anything, can I do about this?  (keeping in mind I
>do not have the $5000 it will take to get evaluations and
>lawyer, but I am saving up for it.)

Love your kid as much as possible.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

I'm not a lawyer nor psychologist, but I found a very helpful book called "Divorce Poison" by Richard Warshak.

It addresses various levels of alienation and some proactive measures parents can take to help minimize the impact of any alienation (if it's occurring).

Best,
DD

[barbie]

I will love my kids and pray for the best and do
what it takes.