Child rearing father's are in the back of the church

[Davy]

While searching the net it was somewhat of a surprise to discover a  non-gender bias wedding seating ettique when the bride's or groom's parents are divorced.    All information placed the bride and groom's mother/family in the front rows of a wedding ceremony while the father/family are considered as casual observers with the rest of the invitees except for Bride's Magazine that stated the following :

"Have them sit in separate pews—with a buffer row in between—to avoid an uncomfortable situation. The parent who was mostly responsible for raising your fiancé should sit in the front pew with his or her escort. Siblings and grandparents sit in the row behind them. The other parent and his or her escort occupy the third pew along with family and honored guests. You'll want to seat them at separate tables at the reception, too."

The father could care less about recognition or a seating arrangement but is considering wearing a dress with a corsage over the tux to counter balance an appalling glorification of a mother that has caused the most damage and dysfunction in the groom's life.

The father has never purchased a dress for himself and is asking for suggestions for a late August evening dress color that would complement ANOTHER dog and pony show.  

[jilly]

Seems to me he's going to be the one causing the problem by doing that to his child. This is the bride's day. Why spoil it over sour grapes?
Just so you know I'm not talking from experience, let me share a story.
In my previous marriage I had 2 stepsons. The oldest got married. I didn't find out until the wedding rehearsal that my then-husband and his ex wife would be walking down the aisle together. She was re-married as well. I felt that she and her current husband should have walked down together and that my then-husband and I should walk together. However, I didn't make a big fuss about it. The most humiliating part of the entire process was I was relegated to the 3rd row back (my parents sat with me for support) while the ex wife's husband sat with his wife and my then-husband sat by himself with his ex wife and her husband.

[Kitty C.]

To tell you the truth, what you read is merely a guideline, cuz in this day and age, ANYTHING goes.  The father should be asking the child getting married EXACTLY what he/she wants and act accordingly.  This is the child's day and it should be the way THEY want it to be.

What can piss me off more than anything are intruding mothers who get their knickers in a twist when their child (usually a daughter) wants her REAL father to walk her down the aisle (or some other situation that gets her nose bent out of shape).  Some go so far as to refuse to attend.  If they can't put feelings aside for their child's special day, it only means their child is obviously more mature than they are.

I had a BF many years ago whose daughter got married and she wanted BOTH her parents to walk her down the aisle...and they did.  They may not have appreciated each other's company, but they did it for the sake of their child.  I commend them both.  And I've heard of daughters who have had both bio dad and stepdad walk her down the aisle, still knowing that someone was going to be pissed off with what she'd done.  So what.

What I consider a mortal sin is when the child is put in a situation where they feel they HAVE to chose, and that should NEVER have to happen, especially when they are adults.  JMO, but if their parents can't grow up enough to spend a few moments in proximity of each other for the sake of their child's special day and do it the way their CHILD (not they) wants, then neither one of them has the right to even be there.

And as you can tell, this is a subject that's a burr under my saddle.....


BTW, good to see you again, Davy!  I missed you!

And I DO mean that honestly, not fascitiously.   :-)

[smtotwo]

I'll be hard pressed to spend time in the same room as my ex!

We have 2 grandchildren, 1 just turned 1 the other is 3 months.

My ex now acts like these babies belong to him exculsively!!

He not only REPEATEDLY took the babies from me if I was holding either one, but did it to my daughters soon to be mother-in-law.  My D and her finace are relocating about 1200 miles away.  Fiance has already moved and the only baby she has is the grandbaby.  

She was getting as annoyed as I about this.  When my daughter called her dad on it he said..."BUT THESE ARE MY BABIES".  Umm they're moving from all of us not just him.

If I have to spend another day like that with him I will probably have to open my mouth about his selfish behaviour.  At 40 he lives with his parents and takes to NO reponsibility for anything.  I'd hate to ruin an important day, but I refuse to be treated like we're still married..You WILL do it because I told you to.  

I asked my daughter to please not do this again.  It wasn't enjoyable for anyone except my ex because he did whatever he wanted and we all just dealt with it.

For her wedding I will stay as far from him as possible.  Otherwise, soon to be MIL and I will probably have to take him outside and kick his A$$.

[Davy]

Jilly .... oh please ... the dress comment was just making a point.  

Otherwise, the complexities of this situation is far beyond your 'grooms cake' mentality.

[StPaulieGirl]

Most civilized people can deal with ex spouses long enough to get through the wedding and reception.


I would tell the father in this story to wear a dark business suit.  Sit wherever, then leave, after congratulating the bride and groom.  It's called dignity.  Wearing a prom dress is just going to make this person look like an idiot, thus giving ammo to psycho bitch.

Are you talking from a personal point of view?  If this is you, I am truly sorry.  Please don't do anything disruptive.  Actually, you can turn this around in your favor if you're careful.  Just be the epitome of normal.  Do you happen to have business cards?  If you do, give one to the father of the bride.  Then leave.  I'm sorry, Davy :(

I'm thinking cream colored dresses with russet accents...

[Davy]

Hey Kitty ... thanks for missing me.  I have thought of you (and others) from time to time snd often click on Kitty when browsing.  For those that don't know ... we've had some differences and battles that I always won (hahaha).  Through it all we seem to connect like two peas in a pod ... I've taken Kitty's advice and now have turkey balls in my freezer.

[MixedBag]

Then I guess, so far with two weddings behind us, we did good.

For OSD's wedding, her mother refused to come to town.  Her choice, she missed out.

For my OD's wedding, her dad and step-mom came to town.  Step-dad did not wear a tux, only a corsage.  Dad (rightfully so) walked her down the aisle and gave her away.  He and step-mom sat on the groom's side first row (along with the groom's mother -- and groom's father is deceased).

I sat on the other side along with my husband.

Worked out just fine because we all put OD first.....

[Kitty C.]

'... we've had some differences and battles that I always won (hahaha).'  Gee, I always thought it was a draw.............;-)

Hey, you're from IL, right???  Have you heard of the new JC legislation we got signed into law here in Iowa???  And the group who was very instrumental in getting the word out now has their sights set on IL.  If you want some details, just PM me.  I've got a LOT of info on it that I can pass on, as I have for others.  Just let me know!!