Good Morning Socrateaser

[MissouriGal]

It's been a long time, and things are going well with me. You helped me with a pro-se custody modification last year, but this time I'm here posting to ask a question about my husband's case. Jurisdiction is in Missouri.

DH and his ex were divorced in 1996, and that order is the current standing order on custody and visitation. In that order, Petitioner (Mother) has sole physical and legal custody. Visitation is as follows (verbatim from the court order):

"a.) Respondent to have temporary custody of BLB (his oldest daughter) every other weekend for three hours on Saturday and three hours on Sunday, alternating holidays, and two weeks per summer.

b.) Weekend visitation to be expanded to overnight visitation from 6:00 pm Friday until 6:00 pm Sunday on the following condition:
(1) Respondent to obtain a separate bed for BLB preferably in a seperate room than that of the Respondent.

c.) Respondent to have visitation with BAB (his youngest daughter) in the home of the Petitioner alternating weekends or as otherwise agreed by the parties due to the minor child's current medical condition."

Yup... that's it. That's the entire visitation order. No times, no dates, no anything.

At the time, his YDD had a tracheotomy. That was her medical condition. That is no longer an issue and has not been an issue for a few years now.

DH would like to go back to court to modify the visitation, and the fact of mother having sole legal custody. He wants to change the sole legal to joint legal, and get a set in stone parenting plan with dates, times, etc. spelled out as mother is good at playing games. To give you a clue of what he deals with: at their initial divorce hearing, in the courtroom, she flat out told the judge that her children would NEVER wake up in his house on Christmas morning that they would spend each and every Christmas in HER home. DH's attorney and her own looked at her and said simultaneously, "You can't do that".

DH and I had to move from MO to TN because of his job transferring him. She's saying that he can't get them because he's out of state and she has sole custody. Said she doesn't care what the court orders say, that he's not taking her children out of state. Mind you that DH's mother lives in Nashville, TN (about 30 minutes from us) and his ex lets his children come stay with his mother for a week or 2 every summer. It's clear that she is doing this just because it's DH.

DH carries vision and dental insurance on his girls. Mother is the one court ordered to carry insurance, not DH. However, she raised so much hell at him about getting insurance that he got vision and dental through his employer just to shut her up. Her policy doesn't carry those things, so he's covering it. The catch is... we're in TN, and the girls are in MO. They have to come here to be seen by the dentist or optometrist. DH had to choose one provider and everyone covered under the policy has to see that provider (we're all here in TN). Those are the ins. carriers rules, not his employers or his own. Mother knew this and still wanted him to get the insurance, so he did. Now, she's refusing to let the girls come here to even be seen by the dentist or optometrist. Refused him having Spring Break because the order didn't specifically say "Spring Break". It's does say EOH though, and technically this was supposed to be his holiday. (Missouri parenting plan recognizes Spring Break as a holiday for parenting time purposes).

My questions are:

1.) Given that the order is 9 years old and Missouri now opts for joint custody, how hard do you think it will be for him to change the sole legal custody to joint?

2.) Again, given that the order is 9 years old, how hard do you think it will be for him to get the visitation changed from the vague goodness that it currently is to a set schedule? Note: Back then, Missouri didn't require parenting plans, and now they do with any motion for initial custody/visitation or modification of prior orders.

3.) The court order being so outdated, no longer in the children's best interest, and the fact that the father now resides in another state would be listed as the change of circumstances to warrant a visitation modification, correct? Anything else you see that could be used as grounds?


4.) What would be used as grounds for the sole legal custody being changed to joint legal? His dentist requires that a parent or guardian having legal custody of the child present them for treatment. I know this because my daughter (DH's stepdaughter who is covered on his policy) saw the dentist for the first time last week, and that was one of the questions asked before they'd treat her. Without legal custody, he can't get them treated. And no... BM will not come here to take them herself.

5.) Given that the current orders do not state which 2 weeks in summer he is to have, which party is to notify the other of those dates, anything at all.... what should be his procedure for requesting certain weeks this summer?

6.) Also, given that the current orders to not include 2 weeks of summer visitation for his YDD (because of her medical problems at the time), what, if anything, can be done if she denies him 2 weeks with her flat out "Because the court order doesn't say that".

It's amazing... she says she doesn't care what the court orders say when it benefits HER and then turns around and says "if the orders don't say it I don't have to do it." GRRRRRR

TIA for any answers Soc, and sorry for the length.

[socrateaser]

>My questions are:
>
>1.) Given that the order is 9 years old and Missouri now opts
>for joint custody, how hard do you think it will be for him to
>change the sole legal custody to joint?

Custody -- very difficult. More parenting time -- depends on whether you've been exercising visitation at every available opportunity, in my opinion.

>
>2.) Again, given that the order is 9 years old, how hard do
>you think it will be for him to get the visitation changed
>from the vague goodness that it currently is to a set
>schedule? Note: Back then, Missouri didn't require parenting
>plans, and now they do with any motion for initial
>custody/visitation or modification of prior orders.

I think that a judge would be favorably disposed to use a standardized plan with more specificity, especially if you can give credible evidence that the existing orders do not advance the best interests of the child, and are no longer particularly relevant to the child's life and age.

>
>3.) The court order being so outdated, no longer in the
>children's best interest, and the fact that the father now
>resides in another state would be listed as the change of
>circumstances to warrant a visitation modification, correct?
>Anything else you see that could be used as grounds?

See #2 above.


>4.) What would be used as grounds for the sole legal custody
>being changed to joint legal? His dentist requires that a
>parent or guardian having legal custody of the child present
>them for treatment. I know this because my daughter (DH's
>stepdaughter who is covered on his policy) saw the dentist for
>the first time last week, and that was one of the questions
>asked before they'd treat her. Without legal custody, he can't
>get them treated. And no... BM will not come here to take them
>herself.

you need to show a pattern of the other parent affirmatively failing to act in the child's interests. I'm not seeing that in your fact pattern.

>
>5.) Given that the current orders do not state which 2 weeks
>in summer he is to have, which party is to notify the other of
>those dates, anything at all.... what should be his procedure
>for requesting certain weeks this summer?

At the moment, the custodial parent is pretty much running the show.

>
>6.) Also, given that the current orders to not include 2 weeks
>of summer visitation for his YDD (because of her medical
>problems at the time), what, if anything, can be done if she
>denies him 2 weeks with her flat out "Because the court order
>doesn't say that".

You need a new order clarifying all the issues. Until you get one, you're SOL.

[MissouriGal]

>>My questions are:
>>
>>1.) Given that the order is 9 years old and Missouri now
>opts
>>for joint custody, how hard do you think it will be for him
>to
>>change the sole legal custody to joint?
>
>Custody -- very difficult. More parenting time -- depends on
>whether you've been exercising visitation at every available
>opportunity, in my opinion.

*****He's not wanting to change the physical custody aspect, only the legal custody aspect in order to have decision-making power as well when the children are with him. It's kind of hard for his ex to make decisions about things (such as their dental care I mentioned before) when she's not in the same state. Is it really that hard to change from sole legal to joint legal?

As for him exercising visitation at every available opportunity, that has taken place. With such vague orders though (EOW, EOH) he was at the CP's mercy pretty much. If he tried to have the orders enforced by law enforcement she simply said "He had them last weekend, this isn't his weekend". It was her word against his basically as there were no clear indications in the order as to when he was supposed to have them (Specifically the 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend of the month, for example).*****


>>2.) Again, given that the order is 9 years old, how hard do
>>you think it will be for him to get the visitation changed
>>from the vague goodness that it currently is to a set
>>schedule? Note: Back then, Missouri didn't require parenting
>>plans, and now they do with any motion for initial
>>custody/visitation or modification of prior orders.
>
>I think that a judge would be favorably disposed to use a
>standardized plan with more specificity, especially if you can
>give credible evidence that the existing orders do not advance
>the best interests of the child, and are no longer
>particularly relevant to the child's life and age.


*****This is exactly what he wants to do. Use Missouri's "standard" guidelines for the visitation, since it sets out specific times and dates, etc. As stated, his visitation was restircted with his youngest daughter because she was an infant and on a breathing machine with the trach tube. She will be 9 YO in 2 months and hasn't had the trach in for years.*****


>>3.) The court order being so outdated, no longer in the
>>children's best interest, and the fact that the father now
>>resides in another state would be listed as the change of
>>circumstances to warrant a visitation modification, correct?
>>Anything else you see that could be used as grounds?
>
>See #2 above.

*****Gotcha.*****


>>4.) What would be used as grounds for the sole legal custody
>>being changed to joint legal? His dentist requires that a
>>parent or guardian having legal custody of the child present
>>them for treatment. I know this because my daughter (DH's
>>stepdaughter who is covered on his policy) saw the dentist
>for
>>the first time last week, and that was one of the questions
>>asked before they'd treat her. Without legal custody, he
>can't
>>get them treated. And no... BM will not come here to take
>them
>>herself.

>you need to show a pattern of the other parent affirmatively
>failing to act in the child's interests. I'm not seeing that
>in your fact pattern.

*****It's not that she's failing to act in the child's best interest per se, it's the fact that he as the father would like decision-making rights as well. As stated, right now he can't even have his dentist treat them (like his ex wanted) because he has no form of legal custody at all. He tried to get them over Spring Break to have this done and his ex told him no. What's the point of her wanting him to have the insurance if he can't even take them in for treatment because he doesn't have any form of legal custody?*****

>>5.) Given that the current orders do not state which 2 weeks
>>in summer he is to have, which party is to notify the other
>of
>>those dates, anything at all.... what should be his
>procedure
>>for requesting certain weeks this summer?
>
>At the moment, the custodial parent is pretty much running the
>show.

***** I pretty much figured that. Another reason why he wants the visitation more outlined*****

>>6.) Also, given that the current orders to not include 2
>weeks
>>of summer visitation for his YDD (because of her medical
>>problems at the time), what, if anything, can be done if she
>>denies him 2 weeks with her flat out "Because the court
>order
>>doesn't say that".
>
>You need a new order clarifying all the issues. Until you get
>one, you're SOL.

*****Agreed.*****