what to do next

[ccmidaho]

Hello Soc, Looking for your advice to the latest progression of our case. I feel like this is a low point and there's little hope.
Idaho: father trying to get more time with 17 month old son (I am fathers girlfriend)  Current orders state tues/thurs/Sun visits for a total of 8 hours per week. Overnights may start between 12-18 months and father is to receive an "increasing amount of time with child".  Father has always wanted 50/50 custody after the "infant period" in which this agreement was signed.   Her lawyer convinced her to start doing the following additional time - every other weekend father gets child saturday from 10-5 and Sunday from 10-5 no overnights. This started two weeks ago (nothing in writing however).

Mediation failed. In mediation, mother agreed that she might start one overnight every other weekend on the last weekend of August. She said she would not agree to anything further.  In deposition this morning Mother again confirmed that short of a court order, she will not under any circumstances agree to any more time than what she has currently offered. She hasn't agreed to starting any overnights still but has said she will consider it at end of August.

Judge held a status conference about the case yesterday. He basically said the following:
To Mother: start overnights immediately as its in your agreement to do so
To Father: I will not grant 50/50 custody to two parents who do not agree to it
BOTH: go back to mediation and work this out. Court date Nov.

This has broken our hearts as we can't imagine the next 17 years and not having a 50/50 agreement at some point. So now, it seems like the best we can hope for is the  every other weekend and one overnight a week schedule reserved for fathers. And we have no chance at this even until court.

The mother has made it clear many times and in deposition today that she will not agree to anything more than one overnight every two weeks and even that was tentative. Mother has never had any reason for not granting time other than that she says child cannot adjust to two homes which is just not true.

Mother said during deposition that she would agree to a child psychologist seeing the child. We believe that a child psychologist will be in our favor but if the judge has already decided that 50/50 is out of the question maybe its worthless to even go this route. A child psychologist is certainly not going to change the mother's mind no matter what he/she says.

Questions:
1. Do you have any advice for what we should do between now and court date?

2. When we end up in court should we just take the 50/50 request off the table and not even ask for it since he already said this? In other words, do we have anything to lose by asking anyway?

3. What do we do to show we are trying to work something out with her but we are dealing with a completely closed door?

4. Should we go back to mediation as the judge suggested, knowing that we aren't going to get anywhere?

5. Should we try a child psychologist and hope he recommends child spends much more time with father? Should we not even bother?

Thanks this has been a sad couple of days and I feel hopeless.

[socrateaser]

>Judge held a status conference about the case yesterday. He
>basically said the following:
>To Mother: start overnights immediately as its in your
>agreement to do so
>To Father: I will not grant 50/50 custody to two parents who
>do not agree to it
>BOTH: go back to mediation and work this out. Court date Nov.
>Questions:
>1. Do you have any advice for what we should do between now
>and court date?

When I say "you" I mean the father.

Love the kid. Get an expert witness to testify that you should be given substantially greater time and that the mother is unreasonably preventing you from doing so. You need to have a custody evaluation, so that an independent observer can see how good a parent you are.
>
>2. When we end up in court should we just take the 50/50
>request off the table and not even ask for it since he already
>said this? In other words, do we have anything to lose by
>asking anyway?

Well, you couls ask for primary custody, but you'll need to prove that you are the better parent, and that's not real likely to happen. Your best argument is that you are far more willing to share custody than the mother and that is a demonstration that you can better foster the relationship between both parents than can the mother.

It's probably true, but the courts just don't like to mess with the status quo, because of the truth of the phrase, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

>3. What do we do to show we are trying to work something out
>with her but we are dealing with a completely closed door?

Nothing. The judge has already seen this, but you are misreading his comments. He order the mother to start permitting you time with the child. That is a victory for you and a loss for the mom who seeks to prevent you from being apart of the child's life.

Go back to mediation and ask for 60-40, 70-30 -- put something on the table and try to see whether the mother will bite.

>4. Should we go back to mediation as the judge suggested,
>knowing that we aren't going to get anywhere?

You don't know. The future is always cloudy. -- Yoda, Empire Strikes Back

>
>5. Should we try a child psychologist and hope he recommends
>child spends much more time with father? Should we not even
>bother?

If you can afford a custody eval, then that would be my advice.

>Thanks this has been a sad couple of days and I feel hopeless.

Go to the burn ward of your local hospital and offer to volunteer for a month. When you come out, you will not feel hopeless anymore.