Volatile custody exchange

[dipper]

Soc,

I have voiced my concerns about the verbal abuse I have to endure by my ex before.  It has become an almost every conversation occurence and is much worse if son is present.  

BM knew for two weeks what time we were to pick son up today.  So, she calls and leaves message on oldest son's cell phone that they had a prior engagement and would be home later, that I could come but no one would be there.  

Fine, I shrugged it off. Then I get there and they come out of her married neighbor's home.  His wife is in jail and she is dating him.  The 'engagement turned out to be going to his son's ball game and then making son explain to this young boy why he would not be there for two weeks.  They had been home for 45 minutes.

Son went into his grandparents home (where bm lives) to get copy of IEP and she follows him.  Then she follows him to van and walks up and starts screaming, demanding when she will have son.  (I have not yet responded to her letter where she does same.)

When she says she will be picking son up from camp and keeping him the entire weekend, I calmly replied, "No your'e not."  This incited a lengthy tirade of, "Excuse me!  Excuse me!  he is my son........You are going to be in court for contempt...the court order says....."  I told her that she could not take me to court for something I have not done yet..and she started yelling again - by this time her parents are out on the steps....

My spouse, son, and stepdaughter never said a word......and I calmly told her, "I do not have to listen to this."  As I was backing away, she screamed, "You F*cking Idiot!"

Now, the children are 13 and 14 and had to witness this.  She makes sure she does all of her hardcore cursing in front of son.  She could have came to van without son while he was in house, but chose to follow him.  By the way, it is in our court order that neither is to talk negatively about the other parent while in the child's presence.

Soc, this is an almost every-time conversation occurence.  She curses and yells at me constantly.  Her curses are worse if son is present....For example, I may be a jerk on the phone, but in person with son present, I am a "MF, SOB!"

We have been through so many court appearances, and son still has one to go...and as you know, that is not going well either.  

Without filing for contempt is there any other means I have to difuse this treatment?


How would one go about trying to have anger management ordered in a situation like this?

[socrateaser]

>Without filing for contempt is there any other means I have to
>difuse this treatment?

See below.

>How would one go about trying to have anger management ordered
>in a situation like this?

You need to record the exchanges and you need to tell her that you are doing so. If you do, she will either become irate and more hostile because she knows you're recording, which will make the recording more effective evidence of her harm to the child, and if she doesn't, then you have diffused the problem.

Get a microcassette recorder and just keep it in your car. Whenever you see the ex, turn it on and tell her you're recording the conversation and why you're doing it.

Hell, she may even attack you to try to get it away from you.

Ahem, and that would be a robbery.

[notnew]

If/When you do make it back into court over this one, it may be a good idea to have exchanges take place at a local police station. It has worked wonders for me!

[Sunshine1]

AMEN to that!  We park directly under the cop camera on the building, she tries her hardest to get away with whatever but it all stops dead at exchanges!  Police stations are awesome exchange points!

[dipper]

The police station would be a good idea.  I thought about that last week when we went to pick him up.  We were going to her parents house and not knowing if she would be there......expected them to tell us we couldnt wait in their driveway.  Luckily, bm and son were next door....I still think she was trying to start something so that her parents would call the police....