Re: Visitation - Boys Out of State

[SFMedic]

Dear Soc,

Long time no chat..!  I'm sure you remember my case, jurisdiction is in MD, two boys live with Mom in WV.  No visitation for 11 months straight had went to court back in June 06 for custody, judge had visitation resume/reinforced.  Boys are 15 & 17, oldest just had birthday last week.

Had visitation during Thanksgiving per court order, youngest of the two started acting up midway during 10 visitation, and on return road trip back to Mom.  

Had discussed with the children the evening before Thanksgiving for it to be their option if they wanted to return back early to their Mom.  Trying to keep the peace if you will.

During a family visit I mentioned to the boys about the possibility how if they wanted, they could return back early to their Mom.

When we arrived back home, I asked what they wanted to do, they said they wanted to go back home early.  I said no problem.

Little did I know, prior to us returning home, they had already spoke to their Mom about this on their cell phones.  She told them she would only come and pick them up if I provided a note/letter stating it would be okay.

Ultimately the Mother refused to come pick up the children because I wouldn't put something in writing saying it was okay for them to leave early.  I even suggested she bring a video camera, to actually film my expressed permission to leave with the children without fear of any reprisals or adverse action from my end.

In the end, it appeared to be nothing more than just a PR game, so that I was made out to be the "bad" guy when all was said and done.  

The other day, I called and spoke with the Mom, asking her to have both of them call me back, to discuss X-mas with them, no response as of yet.  This is not how I expected to be spending the last X-mas with my oldest son, but I'm trying to do the right thing.

I'm really trying to give them the option, and not wind up back in court, knowing it would be just a waste of time at this point.

Question 1:  I'm well aware a note/letter is not legally binding, and that a Judge is the only one who can "modify" court ordered visitation.  With that said, what would you recommend as a statement in terms how best to word the letter in order to show good faith from my end?

Question 2:  If I give the children the option of not coming down for X-mas this year, and say they don't.  Will this put me in bad position in anyway, should the Mom/Boys refuse court ordered visitation when it's time to come down in April and June 07?


Thanks...

 

[socrateaser]

>Question 1:  I'm well aware a note/letter is not legally
>binding, and that a Judge is the only one who can "modify"
>court ordered visitation.  With that said, what would you
>recommend as a statement in terms how best to word the letter
>in order to show good faith from my end?

I don't really have any. Your kids are poisoned against you and nothing you write no matter how conciliatory will alter this fact. You could write and tell them that you would love to see them, but if they don't want to see you that you won't force them. That's about all I can suggest.

>
>Question 2:  If I give the children the option of not coming
>down for X-mas this year, and say they don't.  Will this put
>me in bad position in anyway, should the Mom/Boys refuse court
>ordered visitation when it's time to come down in April and
>June 07?

Bad position? You don't have a position. You have kids who don't want to be with you under any circumstances. It will always be a fight. You will have better luck going to where they are and taking them to dinner, and then asking if they want you to hang around and if not, then leaving.

I hate to say it, but if this were my situation, I would send them a letter stating that my door is always open, and that they can see me whenever they want, but that I won't force them. And, if that means that I never see them again, then that's just the way it goes.

A thousand years ago, you could have gone to the King and he would have cut the mother's head off and told the sons to either obey their faither or he has permission to execute them.

Not that such a solution is any more correct than the one which confronts you today. But, it is equally unfair and irrational. Nevertheless, you live in 2006, and today your best move is to move on.

[mistoffolees]

>A thousand years ago, you could have gone to the King and he
>would have cut the mother's head off and told the sons to
>either obey their faither or he has permission to execute
>them.
>

Ahhh... Those were the days..... ;-)