visitation question

[krazyfamily_6]

Dear Socrateaser,

We live in Ohio.

My son's mother and I entered into an agreed entry for a change in primary custody in July.  This entry named me as the residential and custodial parent of our 11 year old son.  The entry was filed and presented to the judge in late July.  After a disagreement between BM and myself, BM revoked her signature from the entry.

The judge granted me temporary custody and set a hearing date for January.  BM was granted visitation rights.

Since coming to live with me in June, my son has had many unpleasant visits with his mother and maternal grandparents.  They often call him names, put him down and belittle him because of his choice to move in with me.  After his last visit with them, he came home in tears and said that his mother pushed him, told him to get out of her car and that she was going to sign her rights away and never see him again.  

My attorney filed a motion requesting a modification in BM's visitation.  We requested that the visitation be supervised until the hearing.  This was only filed a few days ago and we have yet to hear from the judge.
My son is due to spend the weekend with the BM and is refusing to go.

1. If my son is refusing to go, does he have to?

2.  Will I be in contempt if I don't "force" him to go?

3.  What are my son's rights?

Thank you!

[socrateaser]

>1. If my son is refusing to go, does he have to?

Under the circumstances, you must rely on your attorney's advice because he/she is the person who will be defending you on a contempt charge.

If you really want my second opinion, then you need to post the EXACT TEXT of your temporary orders re custody and visitation. Even then, I can't competently advise. Your facts are just too "on the fence" for a clear interpretation.

The only clear thing I can tell you is that it is not contempt to reasoanably protect the child from threatened or actual emotional and/or physical abuse.

It's just not clear to me from your facts whether the other parent's actions rise to that level or whether you and the child are overreacting.

I'm not saying your misrepresenting the situtation, just that it's a little too gray for me to believe I can offer competent advice.

So, talk to your attorney and if he/she's not available, then you'll just have to go with whether or not you believe that the child will suffer distress at the level that a neutral judge would believe would warrant your withholding visitation.

[krazyfamily_6]

Dear Socrateaser,

This is what our custody/visitation papers state in regard to this visitation;

"In even numbered years, the non-residential parent will have the child(ren) on:
from December 21st or the last day of school whichever is later, at 6:00 p.m. to December 24th at 9:00 p.m."


My attorney is not available as her office is closed for the holiday.  

This is not the first time that my son has come home from a visit with his mother in this kind of distress, in fact it happens 9 out of 10 visits.  Also, almost every telephone call has ended this way as well.  We have written documentation from my son's counselor as to his moods and emotions after  visits with his mother.  My son's counselor has attempted to meet with BM on several different occasions to speak with her about this issue and BM refuses to meet with the counselor or cooperate.  

My son tried to speak with his mother about his feelings via telephone last night but BM kept hanging up on him.  I understand that I can be charged with contempt for denying visitation and that was never my intent.  BM never showed up to pick our son up at 6pm yesterday and made no other arrangements for a different time or day.  

Our papers state;

"Grace Period.  The transporting parent for parenting times shall have a grace period of fifteen minutes for pick up and delivery if both parties live within thirty miles of each other.  If the one way distance to be traveled is more than thirty miles, the grace period shall be thirty minutes.  In the event the non-residential parent exceeds the grace period, that period of parenting time is forfeited unless prior notification and arrangements have been made, excepting cases where the non-residential parent lives in excess of thirty miles away and suffers an unavoidable breakdown or delay en route and the non-residential parent promptly notifies the residential parent by telephone of the delay.  Repeated violations by either parent shall be cause for granting a modification of the parenting order"

1.  Will it still be considered contempt if she never showed up for the exchange?

2.  Considering the motion we have in front of the judge regarding the request for supervised visits AND the fact that my son has clearly stated that he does not want to go for the visit, does he have the right to refuse?

Thank you again as I am clearly troubled by this decision and welcome any advice.

"

[socrateaser]

>1.  Will it still be considered contempt if she never showed
>up for the exchange?

No.

>
>2.  Considering the motion we have in front of the judge
>regarding the request for supervised visits AND the fact that
>my son has clearly stated that he does not want to go for the
>visit, does he have the right to refuse?

Irrelevant. You're basically asking the same questions as before, using different words.

The bottom line is do you reasonably and objectively believe that the child will suffer emotional or physical abuse at the hands of the other parent if you permit visitation. If you do, then you can refuse. Otherwise you can't.

Now, if you had recordings of the phone call with the child and parent and it was obvious that the parent was abusing the child on those recordings, and the parent knew that she was being recorded, then you would have objective evidence to prove your reasonable belief.

But, if you have nothing but your opinion that 9 out of 10 times the child is miserable during the visitation, well, that's just your opinion against the other parent's, and you are violating the court order by refusing visitation and risking a contempt order.

Will you actually be held in contempt? I have no idea. But, this is the holiday season and if the other parent doesn't get her time, she will be an unhappy camper, so if you were to choose a time to risk a contempt, this would probably be the best one.

[krazyfamily_6]

Thank you Soc!