stepparent or grandparent visitation

[FAMILY5]

Dear Soc,
My husband is terminally ill and hospice has recently come in to keep him comfortable. He has an 11 year old daughter out of wedlock that he has visitation with and we also have two children ourselves. His daughters mother has never been the easiest thing to work with and we recently told here of my husbands condition. I advised my SD mother that my husbands family and I expect to continue a relationship with my husbands daughter even after my husband passes. However, knowing how difficult she is to work with due to past experience we are worried that she will try to cut us out of my SD's life. My questions are as follows:
*We live in the State of VA, do I, as a stepparent that has built a wonderful relationship with my SD over the years have any right to petition the court for visitation if I cannot get the mother to work with me outside of court since she does have 2 half siblings in the home?
*If I cannot petition the court, would my husbands mother have the right to petition the court for grandparent visitation?
*The mother has stated in the past that she would like for her new hubby to adopt my SD and have my SD last name changed. I believe she may try to take these actions once my husband passes. Does she have the right to do this?
My husband's family and I would very much love to continue our relationship with my SD. She is a wonderful little girl and we have enjoyed having her in our life over the years. We are just afraid that once my husband is gone we will lose touch with her since her mother has always hated my husband and the mother will try to erase us from her life.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Even if you are not able to answer the question, just pointing us in a good direction would be great.
Thanks!!  

[ocean]

Soc is no longer here....

I have heard of it going both ways. You could file in behalf of your kids to still have visitation rights...it may be reduced from what you already have. The grandmother could also ask for visitation rights.

Sorry you are going through this..

[FAMILY5]

Thanks for the information. We understand that we may not have as much visitation with my SD as we have now, we just want to continue to be a part of her life. My children are very attached to her and I dont want them to feel like they have lost two when it will be hard enough dealing with the loss of my husband. I appreciate your reply. THANK YOU!!

[MixedBag]

in loco parentis.....or something close to that.

You may actually be able to file NOW in order to get things established NOW or clarified NOW as to what kind of relationship you as the step-parent will be allowed to have or even the grandparents.

I suggest that you research the state's code to see what it says and see if someone can research cases where step-parents and grand-parents, and even siblings have filed to continue a relationship with her.

Different states have handled this subject differently.  While one may have granted the step-parent time, the other did to grandparents.

Soc is no longer here.

I also suggest that you search this part of the site for grandparent's rights, step-parents rights, and on the term "in loco parentis" and see what Soc specifically has said in the past.

[lilywhite]

Actually the US Supreme Court ruled in 2000 that the states did not have the right to usurp the rights of natural parents to make decisions about whether or not their children had to have a relationship with third parties (including grandparents and stepparents).

http://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/99-138.ZO.html

To the original poster:  I am so sorry for your loss.  Best of luck to your and your family.

[reagantrooper]

Chances are that this bio mom will not follow though with letting her current hubby adopt your step daughter once she learns she will lose what ever surviver benifits your step daughter may be entitled to.