what do you do?

[battleofthekids]

I am the step-mom. My husband and I are facing a great dilema. He has two kids one 5 year old girl and a 12 year old boy. The custody was given without a fight to her because she was making serious issues and scared my husband away. She is a nut job! In the last year the boy has been on probation for shooting windows out of a school with a bb gun and this year has just been expelled for 45days from 6th grade for pulling a knife out at school and threatening a boy with it. I also have to say he wants to be a ganster and has had missing and failing assignments. He has had all D's and F's. Here is the kicker, He wants to live there, not with us. He barely even likes to stay here on the weekends and it goes the same for the little girl. She is doing good in school though. They (mainly the boy) know that things would be like they are supposed to be here. He has even been running the streets as told to us by his two teachers and principle. How do you fight the kids and the mom for custody if it means it will be better for the child?

[MYSONSDAD]

No wonder he would prefer to stay there, ex is not preforming her custodial duties.

One of the first things you will hear is, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Keep a paper trail, especially in regard to all the mischief at school. Does he have a juvenile record? This is some serious stuff. It demands a fast plan of action before someone gets hurt. I would be calling every family law attorney and get appointments, free consultations and get into court with this.

What State are you in? Have you thought to talk with local LEA to see if there are problems there too? Does the 5 year old come to your house on DH's weekends?

Some folks here have run into problems similiar to yours, ex not requiring kids to follow rules. I am sure they will share with you, their suggestions.

I have not had experience with this, but by what you write, this child needs an adult with a firm hand and a lot of love, patience  and direction.

[battleofthekids]

I live in Oregon. I have to say I feel dumb but I don't know what a LEA is. Both Kids come on the weekend. They don't follow rules but that is supposed to be changing and she has made all kinds of promises to the teacher.Now she is bound. We will see.

[MYSONSDAD]

Law Enforcement Agency.

I am not familiar with Oregon. Here are some articles to get you started.

TGB's Links Pages - OREGON
Links and resources for the State of Oregon.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tgbor.php - size 3kb - 23 Oct 2005
 
Oregon - Grounds For Termination of Parental Rights
EOM; // set header code $header_code TD (font-family: verdana,helevetica,swiss,sans-serif; font-size: 12px;) .term (background-color: #ffffff;) EOM; include('/home/deltabravo/www/com/header.php');...
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/termOR.php - size 3kb - 23 Oct 2005

Interference With Parental Rights Of Noncustodial Parent As Grounds For Modification Of Child Custody
This article discusses a different type of liability which may result from interference with the noncustodial parent's rights: loss of custody.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-borris.php - size 50kb - 23 Oct 2005

Keep all documentation in regard to the schools. You might want to post this to Dear Socrateaser. If things don't turn around, I would say this is a substancial change of circumstances. Ask Soc to be sure on how to proceed. Follow his mandated guidelines.

[wendl]

Get the kids school records, keep on good terms with the teachers. Talk tot he school counselor of your concerns.

And if the son is running the streets WHY haven't the teacher or principal reported this???

Document Document.

Get a good attorney.

[Emasculated1]

he just has to fight. his son is angry right now, and they only way to reach him is to try. now, the mother is going to be a problem, and your husband has to mentally be ready for that, but the end result is his children. tell him to tell his son that gangstas don't  live that long. it's worth it in the end. if he's needs a hand or someone to vent to, tell him i'm here for you both.
My blood...My babies...My life.

[gipsy]

Read through Socrateaser's board , There is a similar post on there . Soc' explanation it , You have to prove to the court that the child is doing this as a result of the other parent's actions or Lack of ;
   the second thing I suggest you question with some one whom knows is this ,
   Can you contest custody ,  With the circumstance being that If you agreed to the custody , And A judge has never decided whom has custody . It is my understanding that you don't have such a hard case to prove ,
  As apposed to when the judge has decided custody at a trial , Their is a harder requirement for change of custody ,
   You need to ponder this with some one whm knows the legal answer , Try asking socrateaser