I need opinions

[Jeanie47]

I will start from the beggining, bare with me.  My boyfriend has a 4 year old he has not seen in over 2years.  His ex-best friend (we will call her HP) moved in with him(as friends) 5-6years ago. She ended up getting pregnant.  My boyfriend did everything for her, bought all the baby supplies and even took her to and from school everyday.  When she was 6 months pregnant she told him she wanted to move out and be with her ex.  She told my b/f that he had to pay for her rent until she got on her feet, he did that.  No sooner did she move out she didnt want mt BF to be in the child's life.  She wanted her ex to be the father. When HP went into labor she refused to call my bf.  HP mother actually ended up calling my BF and he mad it just in time.  He was not allowed to stay and was ask to leave.  The other "father" was allowed to stay.  When the baby was 2weeks old a DNA was done and my BF is the father. HP refused to allow Brandon any contact.  MY BF then took it to court and made it as far as mediation.  HP told him they would work it out outside of court and she would allow him to see the baby whenever.  So he dropped the court.  As time went on she would only let him see her once a week and then HP changed her # and moved.  she went into hiding and her car, phone, apartment are in someone elses name.  HP wont even tell her own mother or sister where she is(afraid they will tell the courts)  It also turns out that HP s collecting Cash, Food Stamps and medical from the State and had to of told them the father wa unknown.  DE S has never contacted my BF for CS.  She had to of lied.   A few months ago HP's mother found her address and gave it to my BF and my BF filed and had her served with papers on 3-7-06.  The law is 20 days to respond and she still has not.  She tells friends of both family that BF will never see his daughter b/c her daughter already has a father.  My BF misses his daughter very much and wants to see her asap.  What can he do?  What do you recommend on a DEAFULT hearing? And what will happen since his daughter probably doesnt know who he is anymore.?

[Bolivar]

>> > "[em].... BF filed and had her served with papers on 3-7-06.[/em]"

What did you file?

[FatherTime]

The good news is if the proper court procedure is followed, then your BF will be able to be a part of his daughter's life.  He doesn't have that now and I know how lonely that can feel.  His daughter will appreciate it if he never quits on being there for her.  So be happy.  Be happy that you know where she is living now.  Be happy that it won't be much longer that they are apart.  

I didn't get to see my daughter again until she was 4.  She was away from me since the age of 1.  But we have a good relationship now.  (She's 9 going on 18) Everything that I did to keep her a part of my life was worth it.  It was difficult and having someone like you who understood and wants to help, really makes the handling the emotional rollercoaster of reuniting and re-building a relationship with the child easier.  Bless you. All of the emotions come out, anger, sadness, joy, and pain all seemed to intensify when I first started seeing my daughter again, although while I had my time with her it was not apparent, I did not show anything but fun and love.  But the times of having to let go and give your child back, those were the times that I felt the emotional distress.  

He needs to document all contact with the mother of his daughter.  The parenting time software offered here is a good way to do that and maintain the proper information.  All visits and/or phone contacts need to be with at least 1 witness.  Document all time.  It will be important!  Accusations tend to be made up at this critical time to prevent or limit the time, at least in my case it did.  Flat out lies, so witnesses are important. I'm jumping ahead and looking to when you actually get parenting time with the child, but that is where you need to focus.  That is your/his goal.  

He can go to DSHS and establish paternity.  They love to get the matching funds from the federal government.  Every dollar paid through Child Support Enforcement, gets a matching dollar from the feds.  So they will work wonders at establishing paternity.  This would be the one and only time that they would be on your side.  

**note: Some states may require more proof than what DSHS can provide in establishing paternity for visitation versus paternity so that they can collect money.  It may be best to begin in the court system rather than DSHS.  But she can't run off and disappear with DSHS involved.  She has to comply or not get her funds.

I jumped around a bit on my comments.  I haven't posted in awhile.  I hope some of what I typed will help.  

1st -- Establish Paternity and Pay child support.  
2nd -- Talk to an attorney.  (*note: I am not an attorney)
3rd -- Emergency order to begin some small bits of parenting time.
4th -- Get visitation - Hold her and enjoy.
5th - Get more parenting time.

Good luck,  I'll check back in a couple of days to read any response.  

One other thing, he should be here reading and posting too and not only you.  It will help him cope and see that he is not alone.

Thank you,

[doright]

If he does what FatherTIme says, and she still refuses visitations, depending on your state that he lives in, he may be able to eventually get custody. You have to DOCUMENT each and every refusal of visitation and any other kinds of interferences he encounters.

[Kent]

Be sure that your BF is NEVER alone with his daughter.
ALWAYS have at least one witness present, preferably not you but someone else.
False allegations of child molestation are easily made, very effective, and extremely difficult to defend against if you don't have witnesses on your behalf.

Kent!

[Jeanie47]

She was served with Custody papers.

[Jeanie47]

"Accusations tend to be made up at this critical time to prevent or limit the time"

She has already stated to other family members that my BF is a "daily Drug user"  My BF has never done drugs in his life.  His father is DPS and would've killed him if the thought even crossed his mind!  So it has already started.  I told my BF about this site and he is very interested and said he will be talking to you soon.  He needs this very much.  I want him to realize that something like this happens to others too.  He feels very alone and singled out.  I thank you so much for your wonderful advice.  GOD BLESS YOU.

[Jeanie47]

It is awful that someone would make such a false accusation.  The people that do that are the ones who are really sick.  BUT you are right i bet it happens alot.  Thank you for your advice. I hope everyone here gets what they deserve to be happy with thier kids.  

[msme]

make sure that his attorney is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. This is one place that you do not want to go cheap because it will cost you a lot more in the end.

Good luck & God bless.
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