She did it again

[msme]

Just when we think my son's pbfh cannot sink any lower, she rears her ugly head & does it again. On Friday night, she called after having almost no contact with the kids since Dec 04, and demanded to see them for her scheduled visitation the next day. (She gets 3 hours every Saturday but hasn't taken it in all that time) She has only spoken to them on the phone a couple of times & showed up at a couple of ball games. Bear in mind that Monday was the first day of school. They really needed to be upset 2 days before school starts

gr8Dad took them to the police station for the exchange. The court order reads that if she is more than 10 minutes late she forfits. This was put in because she used to make us wait 20 to 30 minutes every week. She rolled in at 2:09. When she got out of the car, she was playing the martyr, acting all sick & in pain.

The guy with her said that she wasn't going to keep them the whole 3 hours because she had been at the ER till 4:00. She told the kids she didn't feel well. gr8Dad told her to call him when she was done & he would come get them.

When he got them, they were noticebly subdued. Finally his daughter told him that their mother was 1 month  pregnant. One of the ways she used to influence his daughter was to tell her that she was mommy's special little girl. She would go on & on about how much she loved her baby girl.

She proceeded to tell her that she hoped the new baby would be a girl so she wouldn't be the only girl in the family. That now she could have a girl to love. The poor kid felt like she had been slapped in the face.

As if that wasn't enough, Monday night she called her & told her that the baby had died. I swear, she must stay up nights trying to figure out ways to torment those poor kids. I can't imagine why she would even tell anyone so early on, much less the kids.

We still haven't been to court on the charges she lied about & pressed, back in January. So, he has to send them if she asks. He just got a court date for February 2nd. Everything is so backed up here.

Please keep these kids in your prayers.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[ocean]

I do not recall your story but....
Can't you would file for supervised visits based on that she has not been around and then this last episode. I would not allow her to take them for now unless you are there. If the kids are not in counseling, they should start. This past incident will get documented and they can help you with future visits.
JMO...
Good luck!

[msme]

Well, for those who don't know our saga, I will try to make it as short as possible. A little over 5 years ago, my son split with his wife after finding her in bed with 2 young men & the kids locked out in the noon day sun. She was 27 & the guys were 17 & 18. She was also doing drugs & drinking heavily. She refused counseling & refused to end her "relationships witht he guys.

After the split the she wouldn't let him see the kids & unbeknownst to us, she was abusing & neglecting them. I came in from out of town & got them from a teenage babysitter & took them out to see him & get ice cream. The sitter called her & she called the police & told them I had kidnapped the kids & was heading for the airport.

The police came to my sons apt., where we were just starting to dish out the ice cream. (they were so filthy & caked with lice, that we could not take them into the ice cream parlor as we had originally planned) We were told to follow them to the station to get things straightened out.

On the way to there, she tried to hit us, head on, but the police stopped her. She then jumped out of her car & started beating on his car screaming that she was going to kill both of us. The kids were hysterical.

After trying for a couple of hours to get her to behave, they finally gave us the kids & locked her up for a couple of hours. She repeatedly told them that she would kill him as soon as she got the chance.They told us to get the kids out of town & gave her a DV ticket. The next morning, I took them on a vacation.

Jump forward 6 weeks to the first hearing where a dumb, blonde, man-hating judge says my son had no right taking HER children from her. All the while, my son's idiot lawyer sat there & said nothing. The judge returned them to her, giving him EOW & Wed. eve, & the battle was on.

We hired a Board certified Family Law & Custody Specialist & went at it again. The neglect was horrible. The school called CPS & she blamed us & called them on us. The kids were beat unmercifully. CPS said they would give her lessons to help her become a better mommy. Our lawyer eventually prevailed & my son got custody & she got 3 hours a week.

The kids have been in therapy ever since we returned from the vacation. The oldest has had 4 breakdowns, that required hospitalization, caused by her mother playing with her head. She would constantly tell them lies & then when caught, would deny she ever said that.

One of her biggest lies was to tell the oldest, who was only 11 at the time, that it was her job to break up her dad's engagement so that she could get back with him & they could be a family again. The poor kid threw her whole self into the project & when she finally admitted what was going on, my son had to tell her that there was no way that he would ever go back with her. That resulted in a suicide attempt & one of the hospitalizations.

This past January, she filed charges of contempt against him for failure to produce the children for visitation on three consecutive Saturdays in Oct. & Nov. Of course she did not mention that she had not shown up for visitation since 12/04. On top of that, the dates she chose were dates when she was serving 30 days of weekends for failure to pay CS. It would be funny if it wasn't so close to home & required my son to pay the lawyer to defend the case.

When her freebie lawyer got the reply & counter suite with nearly 100 counts of contempt against her, they immediately filed for a continuance. They have been playing "Change the date" ever since. Yesterday, they finally set it for Feb. 2, 2007.

My son is also asking for no visitation or supervised at best, random drug testing, a psych eval & reunification counseling. Oh yeah, the dumb, blonde, man-hating judge is history. A lot of people worked very hard campaigning for her opponent & she lost the election. It made Texas history. It is the first time a sitting judge was unseated. The new judge is a very fair father.

Any way, that is the tip of the iceberg. Most of the long timers here know how much these kids have been through. As usual, I ask y'all to keep them in your prayers. The road is still pretty rough for them.
Thanks for all the prayers. Please keep 'em coming.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Sunshine1]

I swear I was reading OUR story!!  The only twist to ours is EVERYONE BELIEVES every last damn thing out of BM's mouth.  Anything and Everything!

BM: The sky is purple in Montana, I've seen it.

Judge:  Really?  I've never been to Montana, that mus thave been magnificent to see.

BM:  It really was, and while I was there I developed cancer.

Judge: Wow, that must be hard for you.

BM:  It is, but I'll make it through, except for BF giving me all this grief about being a better parent.

Judge:  Well you've been through enough Ms. BM, you deserve not to pay CS , live off the system and do whatever the hell you like with your time with the children.  That mean BF has no right to tell you what to do ever.

BM:  I know, it is really hard to schedule all my children's visitation with their other daddies 1, 2 & 3, so I will need you to make sure you make an order for BF to leave me alone.

Judge:  Ok poor, poor, poor BM.  Case dismissed.

Do you see where I am going with this?  Did I get a little carried away? I would give my house, car and 1st born to get BM a psych eval, but I really truly think she would pass it with flying colors.

At least your kids are safe now 99.99% of the time, I will be praying for them.

[msme]

One thing we have found out is that if you give her enough rope, she will eventually hang herself. But sometimes it seems to take way too long. Personally, I would like to help her along !)(

You might try what we did. If the judge is elected, find someone real good to run against him/her. We didn't find the replacement but when we found out about him, we came out hard & heavy in support of him. It was the effort to get rid of the biased one.

Sad to say that my grand daughter told me that now she knows when her mother is lying. All she has to do is look to see if her lips are moving. She is 14.5 & she is so angry.

Amongst other things, the pbfh is histrionic so she can't tell where her lies end & the truth begins. Plus, she appears to be bi-polar & who knows what else.

She has told the kids that she is seeing a psychiatrist & taking meds but then she told my son that her therapist told her to stop seeing the kids, until she got her life straightened out. That's a crock. No doctor is going to tell a parent to stop seeing their kids, cold turkey with no reason or explaination or excuse. Just stop showing up at exchange.

If a doctor really felt that she shouldn't be seeing the kids, they would get together with the kids therapist & work out a transition plan. Not leave them sitting at the police station every Saturday for 6 weeks, until their therapist said it was emotional abuse to do that to them every week.

My son was told to send her a certified letter informing her that it was abusive & they would not do it any more. If she wanted to see them, all she had to do was call the night before & he would bring them. She never contacted them for 2.5 years.

So, it's true, all the nuts don't grow on trees.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression

[Genie]

literally.  If she had been in the ER the night before (if it is true), it was probably b/c she was having a miscarriage and it ended sometime after she saw them.  For her to call them and tell that is so wrong.  If she was having problems and new this was going to happen she should never have told them in the first place.

Obviously she uses whatever she can to get attention.  Those poor kids. I hope they are able to deal with the loss of their future sibling well.  Even if they didn't know for long (if it was even true), it still will affect them in someway.

Can't believe your court date is so far away especially since you have been waiting this long to even get a date.  Talk about slow....

[msme]

We tried to approach it with a positive attitude. My son told them that two things could happen. One, maybe it would kick start her into being a better mom & that would be good. Or it won't & things will pretty much stay the same. Either way, they will still have their loving home with us.

Oh yeah, she used to tell DGD that she was going to get custody of her & she would believe her. After having it be proven a lie several times, she now just says, yeah right.

But you are right, she is a nut job. We constantly try to reinforce some things the counselor stresses.

#1 You are not responsible for the actions of irresponsible people. You
      are only responsible for how you respond to them.

#2 You are wasting your time if you try to apply rational thinking to an
      irrational person.

We can't believe the date is so far away, either.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!