KathyNY....How is it going?

[kaylene99]

Hi KathyNY,

I used to get mad or irritated whenever my husband shares stuff about the kids with ex wife.  She's not part of OUR family so why the heck should she know?  Then, I stepped back and realized that she's the kids' MOTHER regardless if we like it or not.  Yes, he is NOT OBLIGATED to tell her anything about his time with the kids, but it really is a show of harmonious parenting on his part which is great!  The mother is also NOT OBLIGATED to share light-hearted stuff like that, but should she chooses to do it, then I'm sure you guys will welcome it, too.  We certainly have!

I'm not being preachy here, but as a stepmom for many years, I've learned to "pick and choose" what I'm going to be upset over.  The most important thing to keep in mind is to focus the conversation on the kids and nothing else.  At least, they weren't discussing their failed relationship and where did things go wrong, how they felt for each other, lost passion/love and all things inappropriate to discuss at this point.  It's also great that FH tells you the stuff that he discusses with the kids' mother.  You guys need open and honest communication like that.  You really don't want to give him any reason to start hiding or conveniently forgetting stuff to share with you.  

Being a stepmom is not easy as you will soon find out.  Sunshine pointed it out best in her post.  You will need to be the "bigger" person for the best interest of your stepkids and husband more times than you'd ever like.  However, the reward is great and you just gotta keep your eyes on the big pictures and ignore petty stuff.

[Sunshine1]

Ok, your drama queening here.  I used to share every little iota of information with BF to the point of 3 calls a day and he the same.  Everything to the kid pooped today ..yeeehawww to all the funny stories that happened in a 8 hour period.

That has since all changed and I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire, but when things were cool and everything was going well, we co-parented and it only benefitted the kids.  FH telling her that stuff is only good parenting on his part.

On her end though it seems that the grass is not greener.  She ain't going to share anything with you guys because she is jealous that they are having fun with someone "other" than her...their mother.  She is never going to like you, so don't expect any coffee dates.  LOL.

My DH does not speak, look in her direction, or acknowledge BM's presence so giving information to her would be pointless because she is satan's first born and would only traumatize the children with it somehow but we tell the kids to tell her special stuff and they go on and on about the stuff that happens at her house because BM is their playmate not their mother, so LOTS happens over there.

Good parents communicate for the sake of their children and the children will pick up on that when they get old enough to see that Dad isn't the bad guy, mom is.

[dipper]

Kathy.....it will not get better.  Just know that she doesnt like you because you are a threat to her insecurities.  She has probably ruled the roost and the entire hen house has been burned down around her now......

I am very overweight, have had to make it on my own (no rich parents here) get a hair cut rarely, have been working three jobs,  and I wear old clothes because I have to use our money to clothe the kids.  BM is skinny, wears stylish clothes and perfect hair, parents financially support her, job for cousin with good pay and NEVER works over 35 hours a week.

Her two sons - choose to live in our household.  And she hates me....in a counseling session a couple of weeks ago, she tried to convince the counselor that I was the source of all problems.  Counselor did not buy it and ss let her know who the problem was - her  and her fussing constantly....

When dh came out he told me - "she is soooo jealous of you!"

We have been the same too - with her parents money, she can drag us to court whenever....we cannot afford anymore attorneys.  But, the last time dh and she went, neither took an attorney, and dh was definitely the winner....  

[KathyNY]

I'm glad your SS's see through her and see you for the great person/smom you obviously are.  I definitely go without so that my skids can have everything they need, and everything they don't need, and could ever want...I go a little overboard sometimes.

Last weekend was the first time I took off in months, because I wanted to spend both days w/ the kids after they came back from being gone for a whole week.  I've been working so much overtime (originally to save $ for our wedding, now it'll go to pay the lawyer), my fiance and I never see each other.  Added to the obvious stress of this whole situation, our relationship is straining right now.  

We have to fight for it, though, because if it crumbles, she wins.