New to this...MI. Dad filing motion for increased parenting time

[loren1983]

My husband has joint custody (not physical) of his 12yr old son "T" and has always been a very loving, involved, responsible parent.  He currently has the std every other weekend plus alternate holiday visitation.  We have a very sensitive relationship with his exwife, who does all she can to restrict additional parenting time, but spends no time with "T" when she has him.  

We are now in a position where our schedules allow us to spend much more time with him and are filing a motion to increase parenting time this week. We are asking to have him 50% of the time, not only because we love him and want to spend more time with him, but also because we have many concerns about his current care.   We realize we may not get 50% (although I can't imagine why not as we have no negative issues that could be raised about us) .

We are planning to keep the information requesting additional parenting time (and modification of support accordingly) very vague, as the exwife will already be hopping mad at the motion, but have very specific concerns to present at the motion.  We've never filed any motion before, so any advice you can give us based on our situation would be greatly appreciated.

We currently pay a specific amount for general support for "T" and another $200 per month for "daycare" although he is 12 yrs old and will be in 7th grade in the Fall. His mother hasn't worked a traditional job in 6 yrs, instead, does cleaning jobs, painting, and crafts on her own.  "T" is frequently brought along to these cleaning jobs and put to work.

Here's the list of requests and concerns we have that we will bring up at the motion:
_________________________
Request 1 = We would like Right of First Refusal for any/all daycare needs "T" may have, with Daycare Support adjusted accordingly

Request 2 = We would like to have "T" 50% of the time. We live 5 miles away from his house, and no school/friend issues would be affected. Proposed agreement would be every other week custody.
__________________________
CONCERNS

Obviously, we love him and want to spend more time with him. We've requested an additional weekday to his mother, as well as requests for special family outings, and have always been denied.  


NOTE- EVERY weekend that we do not have "T" and most every day in the Summer, "T" is sent to his maternal grandparents house, and spends virtually no time at his own home.  

1. We are never consulted on any issues affecting "T's" health and well being.  We find out far after the fact about injuries, illnesses, etc. And we know that despite the fact that we've always had full medical/dental coverage for him, his mother rarely takes him to the Dr as she doesn't want to pay the copay.  He has terrible allergies and she won't take him in, and when she does, she gets samples only and he brings outdated samples with him on our weekends.  We recently found that he has never been to the dentist before. We took him in.  He also never gets a physical.

2. "T" continues to do very poorly in school. We all attend his conferences regularly, and he still gets many Ds and Fs.  At the beginning of the yr, he was tested at the 3rd and 4th grade reading comprehension level and was sent to a special class.  At a recent year end PT conference, we were told he did not engage, and still reads at the 3rd gd level.  He will be in 7th grade this Fall.  His mother has been made aware of this frequently and still, his grades decline, and he gets no help or encouragement with school work at his house.  

3. "T" is not only allowed to, but encouraged to ride 100cc-230cc motorcycles by himself (he just turned 12) and with his same-aged friends, for hours unsupervised, including daredevil stunts up and down steep hills and jumps.   His mother's live-in bf teases him that his 100cc bike is "a sissy bike" and wants to get him a 200+cc.  In MI., any vehicle over 50cc is a motorcycle, and you must be 15 with a permit AND accompanied by a licensed adult to legally ride until age 16.  This is a daily, primary activity for him, to ride alone or with a friend in the woods.  We are very concerned for his safety.  He recently got into a bad accident, and showed us pictures (proudly!?) that he took with his camera phone that we got him just for this reason (safety). He crashed his bike, had huge bruises on his neck and arm and was never taken in for any medical attention.  We were not told about this until he showed/told us later that week.

4. "T" is literally raising himself.  After school, he goes out with friends and on weekends/all vacations is sent to his elderly grandparents who are very kind to him, but cannot supervise him due to health issues.  He's just "let loose" until nightfall. He is receiving no parental guidance or teachings in values, responsibilities, and no assistance with school/learning.  We only have him 4 days a month, which is not enough time to impact his education and instill core values.  He receives little to no medical attention, and is at risk physically from being allowed to ride motorcycles illegally.

Any input would be great.  We're getting all his school records, medical records, have the pictures of his recent injuries that we were not even told about, and have the MI. legal statutes regarding the illegality of him riding motorcycles.  We KNOW his mother and BF are aware that this is illegal (not to mention unsafe) as they both ride cycles as a lifestyle.


Thanks so much.

MICHIGAN DAD (his wife)

[VeronicaGia]

The first thing you need to realize is there is no "we."   You are not the childs parent and your husband needs to be very careful in front of a judge, saying only "our child" meaning his and the exes child.  legally you are a stranger to the child, and here it's fine but in court it's a huge no-no.'

Personally I think you will win the daycare thing easily.  There's no need for it for a 12 year old.

Secondly, ask for more than you want, settle for what you want.  Kinda hard here since you're asking for 50% and will likely not get more.  But as for first right of refusal, you may have issues with the child being old enough to express his wishes, not that a judge has to abide by them, but depending on the judge, they could carry some weight.  An unsupervised 12 year old may not want to be supervised more, and may like that grandma doesn't supervise him.  

Finally, I think you should ask to have him more time during the week and for several weeks during the summer (maybe the entire month of July?)  Also ask for every other Xmas, Memorial day, Easter, labor day, Thanksgiving, and Xmas (ask for odd years so it will start next year).

[4honor]

And your husband should be asking for full custody.

The fact that the child is getting D's and F's combined with the encouragement to commit illegal acts, the lack of medical and dental care, and the apparent lack of supervision is a genuine concern.

If you ask for less than FULL physical custody, you are not showing the appropriate level of concern. If you go in and prove that BM is doing all she says and you only want half custody, the judge is going to see you must not be very concerned and he will maintain the status quo.

The continued lack of reading skill could be a vision problem or dyslexia -- have him tested as part of your preparation for court.

At 12, this child's WISHES will be taken into consideration. Be prepared for that -- but check your state guidelines with regard to how much weight the child's wishes are to hold.

If you lose the motion for custody, then...

Request that the Childcare amount be terminated or used to help pay for PROFESSIONAL TUTORING for the child and paid directly to the provider of those services for services rendered. (in case the tutor charges for missed sessions).


Other thing you must do :
1) DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!
2) Behave at all times as if you are standing in front of the judge.
3) Put your personal feelings aside and focus on what is best for the child long term.
4) Remember that BM does not ALWAYS do things just to push your buttons (sometimes they just get "lucky" and push them anyway).
5) Respond as if this is just a business deal and you have a contract -- make it as civil as possible until the contract runs its course.
6) If you have a concern, tell the BM on the phone and then follow up with a letter restating your side of the conversation and any agreed response. This will assist you in recording and documenting the contact and attempts at co-parenting.
7) Don't bash the other parent in front of ANY child.
8) Just keep telling yourself as a step parent -- it is not my responsibility if this child is messed up. I did the best I could with the limited time I had influence.
9) Remember that you are not raising a child, you are raising him to be a man. Teach him tools he will need when he is out on his own.

[loren1983]

Thanks to all of you for your advice and comments.  

This week, we got copies of his school records and also found out that he missed 4 days of school 2 wks ago for being sick... (yet spent the weekend riding dirt bikes at grandmas) and missed 4 days last week for being sick and apparently finally got taken to the Dr who is running blood tests to see what the problem is...mind you, we would not have known about any of this if we hadn't asked him directly.

We never EVER talk about his BM in a negative manner, and have repeatedly asked teachers at conference if they have had any indication that his poor reading/spelling is due to dyslexia or some other reading disability and they don't think so...we've asked his BM if she's noticed anything to indicate this or if it's been raised to her separately through the school but she says no...of course, the school records we just received include a note from a teacher who filled out a specific "action form" with concerns that he is doing very poorly and suggesting testing from 2 yrs ago...which was never made known to us even though we do attend conferences.    We're looking to see who in our area provides testing to conduct, but we have also tried some exercises with him to see if he makes common dyslexic errors vs. general reading problems and he seems to have more general difficulty.  

I'm going to have a transcript made of the tape recording of his recent teacher conferences where 3 teachers clearly state that they believe he has the ability, he just doesn't engage and needs to practice consistently.

We are going to tape a general conversation with him this weekend to document the fact that he is sent to his grandparents every weekend we don't have him and all Summer, and that he rides a motorcycle unsupervised all day long.  I also have his MSN messaging record where he discusses that his BM and her live in BF want to get him a BIGGER cycle and that he rides alone.

Thanks for all the great input and we'll keep you posted.

XO

Michigan Dad

[spinner]

Hi,
I am not a very good advise for you but I am contemplating filing myself this type of Motion and I was wondering if you had a sample motion you could email me or what the judge look for to add parenting time or not and some global advises.
you cna PM me or email me if you want
thanks