How do we win?

[Rich100]

I'm an interested party in a brewing custody battle. BF has higher income, graduate degree, good parenting skills, can cook, has a network of family and friends nearby including his mother and father, he attends church, doesn't smoke or drink an generally comes from a more stable background. BM, while she seems to have decent parenting skills, has lower income, less education, very small support network in her area, and smokes...plus she filed the petition to divorce, while the BF has sought marriage counseling. If the roles were reversed and he was the BM, it's a no-brainer, but it seems the odds are stacked against the BF in today's court system.

for the sake of the child (2 yrs old) I want the BF to win, or at least get joint custody so he can have an influence on his child's life.

HELP!

[Ref]

side with the person who was the primary caregiver. If bm was the one who took the child to the Dr, changed diapers, spent more time with the child etc, the court will lean towards her. They tend to lean toward the female anyway.

No court will decide on placement based on income, education, size of family and amost no court will consider the smoking thing.

If the dad has moved away from the child already, he has made his job very very difficult to get physical custody. If not, he needs to stay in the home until custody is established. He should do all the child rearing things he can with evidence. This means pictures, receipts, discussions with day care providers.

Another alternative and one may people have here is 50/50 custody. The child lives with one parent 1/2 the week and the other parent the other half. This would require that both parents can actually stand being around and talking with each other. This would be a good choice if they live near eachother. If that is the case he should have a specific agreement drawn up that says where the child is to go to school, how things will change as the child gets older etc. If you get to that point, post here again and I am sure there are some 50/50's here that can give you a sample agreement.

best wishes
Ref

[Rich100]

seems like the best shot. BM has been primary caregiver for 9 mos, but only b/c BF was took a higher-paying position he thought would better provide for his family. Up to that point I would say it was a pretty equal arrangement once BM went back to work. In fact, child was in day-care, but BF would feed, bathe, and spend time with child at night while BM was taking classes. It wasn't until after he left for the job BM hit him with the papers b/c BM didn't want to move.

Child support is killing him too. He makes a well above average salary but can barely pay expenses.

to me, the point is BM has filed the petition out of sheer anger and seemed generally unwilling to try reconcilation. Shouldn't there be some kind of penalty for this? Do the courts even care about why someone wants to willingly break up a family and put an innocent child through this?

[MYSONSDAD]

The money, education does not mean squat.

Depending on what State you are in, the smoking could become an issue. I am not a smoker, but in my State it is child abuse. Here are a few links that may help you set the ground work. Have it included in your order that no one is to smoke around the child. If she gets caught doing it, then she can be held in contempt. If you cannot click on the links in this post, check out the links section of TGB, just scroll down to the bottom of the page. There is an area just on smoking. A few months ago, a father won custody on the smoking factor, I beleive it was in Ohio. It will take some time, but I may be able to find the case law on it.


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tgblinks.php

Smoking and Custody
Custody and Smoking Report - from ASH
Smoking as Child Abuse - At Least 15 States Cracking Down on Smoking Parents
Article - Smokers May Lose Custody of Children as a Result of New Study
Children and Smoking - Links
Lots of good articles and links

Start getting your ducks in a row. If your BF took child to the doctor, go get 3rd party documentation. Documentation of the counseling, but that might not make much difference. I did the same and it did not matter.

When my ex walked out, she took every picture in the house. But she forgot one thing, the negatives. I found them a few weeks later stuffed in a kitchen drawer. Let the BM testify that your BF never cared for the child, then you can pull out the pictures of his care giving, it will make her look like a liar. Check with friends and family to see if they have any pictures.

Another thing your BF needs to start right away is documenting. Use a spiral notebook and pen, keep the dates consecuative on the pages. My journal was key in my trial.

Keep your paperwork well organized. The courts hate it when they have to wait while you scramble to find something.

It might also be wise to have someone go with him for the exchanges. RO's are very popular when there is conflict involved and she needs no proof to get one.


"Children learn what they live"