Been a long while, but need advice!

[Nextmother]

It is nice to see a few familiar faces around here. It has been a really long time since I was here. Things have been going pretty smoothly for us the last few years and with work, and kids and life, I have not had much time to get on here.

However, I am back with a new situation. Some of you may remember that we gained custody of DH's youngest daughter back in 2000. Her BM was killed in a car accident in 2005. I adopted her in 2003 and DH had adopted my older kids a few months later, so things are smooth there other than normal teenager stuff. (They are 18, 15 in Dec. and 14 next week!!)

You may also remember that DH had an older daughter by another mother that also lived in MI, but we had no contact with her, due to the mother's family and the mom not wanting to make waves with her family. We had sent cards, letters, pictures, ect for years with no response. Then, back in 2005, things started to come back marked 'addressee unknown' or 'not at this address'. We figured that they had moved and searched on the internet, but could not find anything.

We basically decided to let it go for a while, SD was then almost 14 and we knew that eventually she was going to come looking for DH. Well, she did. In June this year, she attended a high school graduation for her cousin Maria and met about 15 members of DH's family. She then contacted me on Myspace and we have been chatting there and through text messages ever since. For the most part, her mom seems okay with it and is finally standing up to her family a bit and telling them to back off of DH and let DH and SD get to know each other. She is now engaged and will be married after SD graduates high school next year.

Last weekend the subject of her coming to visit us in NC came up. We told her that we would love to have her come down, but that there were some legal things that had to be worked out with her mom first. Namely the fact that DH has no legal claim to her because he and BM were no married at the time of SD's birth and his name is not on her BC.

We don't want her to get down here and something happen, she get hurt or whatever and we can't get her treated, or worse, have her family up there get a wild hair and have us arrested for kidnapping.

SD did some checking and found that all it would take to have her dad's name added to her BC is for him and her mom to sign an Affidavit of parentage in front of the notary and then filing that with another form to add DH to her BC with a $40 court fee. She got all excited and called us. We told her she needed to discuss it with her mom because DH and BM have not spoken in 15 years.

We also know that BM is about to lose her job and therefore lose her insurance. DH finally talked to her on the phone this week and told her that if she would agree to let him do this, he could add her to his insurance down here, UHC, and that we would be willing to pay CS.

BM told DH that she needed to think about it and then told SD to let it alone. I take that to mean No. SD is all upset and I am worried about letting her come down here to visit because I really don't trust her mom's family. Is there anyway to do this without forcing a huge court thing?

Sorry this is so long. Just frustrated.

Thanks!!

Next

[janM]

Can he do what we tell new dads to do....file for paternity, visitation and child support? Once he is legally Dad, and has an enforceable order, mom and her family can't interfere without consequences.

[ocean]

This daughter is 17 now? If so, you have nothing to worry about. If the police come knocking on your door all they would have to do is talk to your SD about being there. If you are that nervous...e-mail or text BM about the visit and keep that, or mail her certified the details of the visit.

As for the medical....if she gets hurt by you, you go to the emergency room and they treat everyone. Her BM will be responsible....

If you really want the birth certificate to change..either get the courts involved now OR wait until she turns 18 and then you should not need BM approval.