Cell Phone

[swilloug]

Over the past year or so my SS has been bringing different cell phones to our house when he comes to visit.  Until recently they have never been activiated.  BM says her friend works for a store that get the phones and just gives them to my SS to "play" with.

I don't have a cell phone because of the expense and have a real problem with a 12 year old boy having one.  

I think that BM is doing it to keep tabs on him at our house.  I read some of the text messaging one day and there was a message that said "ya Im ok"

In Feb we filled Motion to Modify Custody since my SS has failed school for 2 years in a row.  Her only defence is my SS doesn't want to visit us, which is NOT what we see on our visits.  She also says my husband (and I) are abusive (verbally, mentally, and physically).  

They had mediation last Monday and she barried herself.  So I look forward to see what she does at the trial on Aug 18th.

Sorry got side tracked...does anyone else see a problem with a 12 year old having a cell phone?  Or am I just being petty because I can't deal with his mother?

I just don't see the need since he is always with us and according to her he is alway with her, so what is the need??

[Bolivar OH]

Sounds like the cell phone is the least of you problems.

If he "has failed school for 2 years in a row" that is a BIG problem.  Why does he lack any academic motivation?  Have you tried counseling?  

There must be emotional turmoil going on inside him.  If you want to work on a problem I would think that would be the place to start.  That is an overwhelming difficulty even for a Veteran PHD. Child Physiologist.

Good luck!

[swilloug]

We have tried working on the problem.  She lives an hour and a half away from us (she moved about 4 years ago).  My husband has tried to get him to bring his work up on the weekends and that went on 3-4 times.  BM makes ups why he is failing.  In fact she told me that he was making good grades in art and gym.  I asked her what she thought he could do with art in gym in life.  She didn't have an answer.

You are right the cell phone is the least of the problems.  That is why we filled for full custody in Feb and we have court in Aug.

We have struggled to get school records and any other documentation to help him.  Finally our lawyer called the school.  All of this has been going on for 12 years we just hadn't had grounds to go back to court until this year.  

When my husband and BM went to mediation the judge said to her "don't you think it would be a good idea to let him live with his father for a semester to see what happens?"  She said no and my husband said the judge was kind of taken back by her not wanting to see her son do better in school.  If all goes well we will have him next month and she will receive visitation.

My SS is currently seeing a local psycologist and my husband has been meeting with him also.  The psycologist say my SS has no serious problems besides adjusting to our house verses hers.  But she has created that herself.

My husband and I have been married 10 years in August and we started dating a few months after my SS turned a year old.  My husband was never married to BM, they never lived together, hell the weren't even "dating" when she got pregnant.  But he stepped up and has always wanted to be there for his son.  Now I won't lie and say he has always made the CS payment.  He is behind but that is only because of financial reasons not because he doesn't want to take care of his son.  She on the other hand has always lived off of state aid.

BM lies about everything, (EVERYTHING), if her mouth is moving thats when you know its a lie.

My SS has picked that up and we are working on that along with how to get him motivated to do well in school.

Sorry for the rambling.  Thanks for listening.

[Bolivar OH]

You have come to the right place to vent.  Let it all out.  I am constantly venting on this board.  How else can one keep their sanity with the current court system?

Thanks for sharing your story/problem.  You are in quite a dilemma.  

It is not uncommon to be behind in CS payments.  CS payments really should be called mommy support because it is unaccountable money that mommy spends. Period.  

In my case mommy stopped working full time and now works part time because of my CS payments.  Yes, according to law mommy is not finically responsible for raising the child BUT "God for bid" daddy does not make his payment.

Welcome to governmental regulation of the family.  Very sick indeed.  But change is happening.  Slowly but surely.  

Please keep posting and sharing your experiences.  It helps others even if they do not respond.  Hope you continue to visit this board.

By the way, you are a damn good writer.


P.S. if you can avoid talking with the wack-O it might help.  I mean can you really explain to a wine-O on the street their mistakes?  No.  Think of her a mental ill.  It will help in your discourse with her.   This is my humble opinion.

Good luck!!!!

[wendl]

Well my son is 12, I have him all the time (dad doesnt take em) anyways he has been bugging me for a cell phone for over a year. I told him he can't even keep track of his watch (keeps loosing em) no way did he need a cell phone, plus he is tooo young


I would continue to try and work with the school regarding assigments, maybe they can email you them etc, like if he has projects etc. You may need to have dh make a trip to the school regarding his grades and see if there is anything dh can do to help and what they have said to bm regarding this issues. Now way should a 12yr old be failing, I get on my son so hard when he gets lower than a B average (he cannot play sports if his grades decline lower than that)

I am glad to hear he is in counseling.





*These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[swilloug]

I am hoping in August the court goes in our favor and then we will have complete control of his grades.

Every child is different.  We do not expect my SS to get A's but we do expect our daughter (9 years old) to get them.  She is in the gifted program, has never missed an assignment and loves school.  Some kids need more direction than others and my SS is one that needs direction.  

My husband and I have both talked to his school and councelor.  Last year my husband went and met with his teachers.  When he was there with my MIL they asked to eat lunch with my SS and were told they couldn't because they had to have permission from BM.  When we told our attorney what the school told them she was not happy.  My husband has joint custody and gets all rights to all records and all decisions when it comes to my SS.  

I have never been able to understand why the BM has not focused more on his schooling since she was the first in her family to graduate from high school.  I told her at this rate he will not graduate and all she could say is he would.  I wish I had tape recorded conversations with her and let everyone hear how stupid she sounds.

BM has told her attorney that my husband is drunk when he returns SS.  Which is a lie but the judge during mediation saw right through it considering nothing was every mentioned before we filed the modification.  

I beleive everything happens for a reason and what comes around goes around.  One day (maybe next month) she will get paid back for her lack of parenting.  I hope for her daughters sake that she learns from this.

Thank you so much for the support.  This has been a great way to get some frustration out and get some guidance.

Have a great day and any further information would be helpful.

[wendl]

lol I am a strong believer in what comes around goes around, it has many times for my ex, he is looking at going to jail yet again for non payment of cs (19k in arrears) he shoudl at least try to pay it, it's only 160 a month and he doesnt pay for rent etc.

I don't expect my son to get A's all the time either, however I do expect him to put forth his best effort (meaning turnng in assignments I know he has completed (has a habit of leaving them in his locker, then this brings down his grades as teachers last year didn't accept late work, I try to explain to him that middle school is way different than elementary ( Ipersonallly don't think 6th grade should be middle school, but hey it is here so I have to do my best with it)

Venting here is a good way to blow off steam, and to meet great people and get information well needed.

Continue to do the best you can for all kids involved.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[swilloug]

I agree!  We expect him to put his best effort into everything he does.  My SS doesn't turn in work because he can't find it in his mess of a binder.  My husband has helped him orginize his binder a couple of times but that hasn't helped.  BM told us that when he doesn't turn in his work she writes the teacher a note.  For example one weekend SS brought a book down and we were told he had a book report due on that book in 5-7 days.  We made sure he took time out on the weekend to read.  Because he had finished reading it we had him write his report.  I read his report and made him rewrite it since he had written it on unlined paper and corrected some spelling errors.  After he rewrote it I told him to have his mom look at it and then turn it in on Monday.  Homework has always been excepted early.  A few weeks later we asked SS what grade he received for the book report.  He said he didn't know.  We asked BM and she said he turned the report in late.  We asked why, and really there was not a good reason.  BM was upset with teacher because she would not give him full credit for the late report.  We explained to BM and SS that 1) the paper should have never been turned in late since it was complete at least a week early 2) most teachers do not accept late work.  

This is something we deal with all the time.

My SS had in school suspension 6-7 times this year for varies things, this is unacceptable in our family.  If he doesn't want to participate in school properly then he will not get to do things outside of school.

SS has never participated any any sports.  At 12 years old he has not had the opportunity to be in any sports.  I have tried to get BM to let us put him in sports by our house but she was unwilling to give us the time for practices and so forth and being over an hour away it is impossible to pick him up and drop him off for practices through the week.  We also told SS and BM if he was put in sports where they are we would not be able to go to all the games but we would go as much as possible and we would pay half and work out the schedule for make up time.  But no nothing was every done, just excuses.  

If the court goes in our favor we will be putting him in some kind of sport.  The last I heard he wanted to play hockey.  And my husband wants to put him in Boy Scouts since he is scout himself.  I just pray it is not to late for him.

[wendl]

I know how that goes, but will tell you later about it.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**