Stress...am I lost or is this not a good thing :)

[triksterut]

Hey all,

I'm new here and I'll try and keep the background brief and unbiased (impossible I know but I'll do my best).  I have two children (5 year old daughter and a 2 (next month) son).  I was divorced in Feb and up until two months ago had 50/50 physical VISITATION.  I have primary care with no contest so that my ex would get all sorts of nifty single parent school grants (I make entirely to much money for the gov to help me).  Well she got remarried, didn't tell me, and moved out of state at the end of June.  I haven't seen my kids in two months.  I saw them every day of their lives, had them half the time and now nadda.  I have been an absolute wreck.  I really have no idea what to do with myself, I don't really have much of a life outside of my kids anymore.

My first court date was Monday.  The judge saw that she had primary care and somehow the "24 hours notice before moving" was slipped in there (I didn't even notice it).  On a side note, what if the Utah state statute says "30-days written" and the divorce decree countermands that...is that legal?  I can't enter into an illegal contract with anyone and actually think it would be enforceable.  I am a great dad and had my kids all the time why would I even THINK she would move?  So the judge decided that there was no grounds for a custody evaluation because the decree OBVISOULY showed intent to move and I should have figured it out.  I have, of course filled an objection but I'll be another two months I'm sure.

So...the law basically told me that it was OK for someone to kid nap my kids with no written notice or plan to continue my visitation.  The judge told me I should be happy with my week at thanksgiving and x-mas.  He didn't even listen my case, look at my calendars, or hear my lawyer speak.  It was a farce.  It took him 10 minutes.

Does anyone here know where else I may turn for resources?  I mean how many of you single mothers out there would move away from a father who's entire life was his kids?  It's just eerie and I'm having a hard time holding my life together.

Thank you for any input you may have,

Jeremy
SLC, Utah

[wendl]

well I would file or custody, get a GAL appointed and go to trial.

JMO

keep documenting, I wish my ex would want to see his son

But I can't force him

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[triksterut]

Hey all,

Sorry I noticed some incoherencies in my previous message (I was rather freaked out at the time).  Basically I do NOT have primary care, I gave it to her for the above reasons of school grants and state covered COBRA insurance etc etc.  She moved 1800 miles away on a Sunday morning and I only found out because my daughter was crying that she was going to miss me.  She then hung up the phone and didn't want to "argue with me".  She also refused to let me see my children before she left...this also interrupted a scheduled vacation I had with them which I had to cancel.  

The judge presiding over the case didn't look at any of the calendars, my affidavits, or anything at all.  Didn't listen to a thing my lawyer said.  Totally blew me off and denied my request for temporary physical custody and my request for a third part custody evaluation.  How can this even be remotely legal and what kind of mom would be selfish enough to decide she wanted to start over so lets just take dad out of the picture?  And the legal system just told her she was in the right.

Jeremy

[AJandLALAs Dad]

It seems with 50/50 visitation, that you should still have them 50% of the time; whether it's 6 months with you and 6 months with her or another equal arrangement.

Please don't let your relationship with your children be reduced because their mother made a bad decision.

I'm sure your children miss you just as much.

[kitten]

Do your homework and get a competent lawyer before she files for a change of jurisdiction.  What is so scary is that this DOES happen all the time and alot of mothers DO take their children away from good fathers with our wonderful Family Court to help them.  It does not seem to me you were given "Due Process" and if you have a good lawyer who can show proof, then this could be reversed.  Your battle has just begun, my friend.  Don't ever give up.

I wish you and your children well.

[Lawmoe]

Parties can generally modify standards that are spelled out by statute so long as it is part of an  agreement.  The question becomes how your oirder was ejntered.  Was there an agreement? Was it signed? Was it on teh court record? Or was it slipped into the final order without agreement.  If slipped in, it can be challenged.

[triksterut]

Hey there, thank you very much for your time everyone.  When I first got divorced everything was pretty good.  I didn't even use my own legal counsel and I totally missed that it was in there, or if I saw it I disregarded it as such an absurd possibility that I didn't need to worry about it.  We even used to joke about it, she would say "Aren't you glad you didn't marry someone like that" when we would hear about this happening to someone...go fig? :)

So, unfortunately it's in the divorce decree and it's hard to argue other than the fact that it directly violates Utah statutes for notice.  How does that work BTW??  I was hoping that the judge would make a judgment call (being a judge) and notice that my affidavits and calendars which all indicate that I had my kids 50%+ of the time would make him wonder.  Also, she moved right after we (our lawyers and us) signed an agreement to lower my child support because I had my kids so often.  Seems to me she didn't want to have to go get a job and now my kids are suffering because of it.  Doesn't my parenting time or history of parenting time have any bearings on this at all?  Even if the decree says 24 hours notice etc etc I mean lets be SANE here.

Jeremy

[triksterut]

In my lawyers defense the judge just wasn't paying any attention.  He was "skimming" my documentation while my lawyer was speaking and he didn't ask my lawyer any questions at all.  We filled an objection to the ruling but who knows how long that is going to take.  I'm trying to find my self a really cheap place to live in MS so I can move down there temporarily and be with them until I get this resolved.  Fortunately I work from home so it doesn't matter where I am, I can only imagine what it must be like for fathers who don't have the option.

Jeremy