Frustrates every visitation-what do I do?

[pickupsticks]

I have joint legal and joint physical custody of my child. Mom moved 12 hours away and I didn't think at the time there was any law against move aways so I didn't do anything about it. Now I wish I had.Our child is 10 years old

What do I do when every visitation I request (I drive 12 hours there and stay in a hotel so that my daughter doesn't have to make the trip and Mom won't do ANYTHING to help ie put her on a plane etc.) she has something planned on that weekend . First it was her sister's birthday, then it was her aunt's birthday then it was her own birthday (note I asked to see our child on my birthday and Mom said NO) How can I tell her that she really shouldn't plan things on my visitation weekends. That would cause a lot less stress on her and my child and myself. Why doesn't she encourage my visitation instead of frustrate it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[joni]

YOU CAN TAKE HER TO COURT!

I answered your other post on the Father's Board, which didn't have these details.

You need to go to court NOW and get a DETAILED parenting plan in place.

You have two choices, you can either put your daughter on a plane every other weekend to visit YOUR HOME, with you and mom splitting the costs

OR

you can settle for extended visitations at holidays and 6 weeks during the summer at YOUR HOME.  

Since you had joint physical custody, you should have never let your child move away from you.  now you know why.  welcome to this board where we all have this problem.

The longer you let this go on, it'll appear to the judge that you're being complacent and it'll be more difficult for you to get the court's assistance is getting yourself an optimal visitation.

You better get moving on this....Christmas is 6 weeks away.  What are you going to do?

[Kitty C.]

You HAVE to take her back to court on contempt for EVERY denied visitation.

Your only problem is that you did nothing about the move-away in the first place.  And not knowing that you could won't fly either.....the courts do not look favorably on ignorance.

She frustrates it for the same reason the other PBFH's of all the posters here do.......they do NOT want you to be a part of the child's life.  They will use the child as a pawn to get back at you for the pereived 'hurt' you caused them fo rleaveing, regardless of whom instigated it.  And they do it because their attys. tell them they can because we have a mommy-biased court system.

Stop dwelling on how this is affecting you and start acting on what you can do to change it.   Document EVERY SINGLE TIME she denies you.  Go all the way there if you need to, even if all you get is a receipt for something purchased to prove you were there, but she wouldn't let you see your child.  You have a lot of work ahead of you..........to paraphrase another poster (and to add a little of my own) you can either be a doormat or the broom to sweep it off.  It's your choice.  But remember this:  your child is counting on you, too.

[MixedBag]

I too live 12 hours from my son (but I moved -- military) and we have a long distance plan in place.

I am allowed to have our son one weekend a month and after several years of not using this provision, finally figured out how to do use it.

That's the part I want to share.,....

In our son's home town, I found real estate that was 3 rental units.  I now rent out the first apartment and pay the mortgage.  The second unit pays for the "other stuff" like taxes, electric, insurance, and maintenance.  IF there is money left over, it helps pay for my transportation expenses to travel to the apartment.  The third unit is mine.

This eliminates the expense of a hotel for me and gives me some gas money to get here.  My weekends to see him are now a business expense.  AND I have the same four walls for each weekend so I can keep some of "his stuff" to make it more like home.

For a weekend, I travel Thurs/Friday and travel back on Monday.  Sometimes to "cut that down" I fly part of the way and leave a car at the airport on my son's end.  

I understand that not everyone can "do this" and for the first 5-6 years of  the divorce, I couldn't either.  BUT I figured it out....and I am making it work and BEST of all -- my son (11) loves it!

But I agree that you need to go back to court to update your plan due to a significant change in circumstances because you can no longer use all of the time you're supposed to have with your child.  

[Lawmoe]

If you have an order that provides you with a set schedule, any denial is contempt of that order.

If you do not have an order that sets out a schedule, you should (1) try to mediate to reach an agreement on the schedule; and/or (2) file a Motion in Court to have a schedule ordered.