Grounds For Modification

[Imom]

Also posted to Soc, but he is away so I thought I would ask others oppions, please be aware there are alot of issues here that I can tell you if you think that would help.

           Here is the situation. (9-10 drive one way) Dh and BM have this as the co.


STATE OF INDIANA IN THE KNOX SUPERIOR COURT 1
COUNTY OF KNOX CASE NO.

XXXXXXX XXXXX XXXX

V.
XXXX XXXXX XXXXX, XX


AGREEMENT CONCERNING CUSTODY AND VISITTATION
Comes no the parties hereto and herein submit to the Court the following agreement concerning the Custody and Visitation of their minor child.

1. Background: List all parties and child's name, dob's . S.S. number's and what state they will reside.

2. Legal custody: The parties herein agree that they will share joint legal custody of the minor child.

3. Physical Custody: The parties agree that they shall each share the physical custody of their child in the following manner:

Father: The father shall have physical custody of the minor child from 1 week prior to the school year
until 1 week following the school year.

Mother: The mother shall have physical custody of the minor child during times when the child is out of school for any period of time longer than a 3 day weekend.

4. Transportation: The parties acknowledge that this arrangement may lead to considerable expense for transporting the child between residences. After careful consideration and discussion, the parties agree that transportation shall be the responsibility of the non-custodial parent.

5. Support: The parties agree that any support obligation in this matter would be nearly equal.
Therefore, the parties have agreed that no direct support shall be paid from 1 parent to the other.

6. Visitation: The parties agree that the distance involved will make visitation difficult. The parties agree to any reasonable visitation upon advanced notice.

The Christmas vacation on even years will be spent with the father and the Christmas vacation on odd years will be spent with the mother.

7. Tax Exemption: The father shall be allowed to claim the child, xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx, as a dependant for tax purposes for the even years. The father agrees to execute any documents necessary for the mother to claim said child during the odd years.

The mother shall be allowed to claim the child, xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx, as a dependent for tax purposes for the odd years. The mother agrees to execute any documents necessary for the father to claim said child during the even years.

Both parties signed, ordered and dated by the court December 23, 1998.




I will try and keep this short. From 1999-April 2003 BM pick up at 3:30 P.M. the day school is released, Dh at 8:00 A.M. the day before school resumed (during the school months) From summer Bm picked up at 8:00 A.M. on the day one week after school, us at 8:00A.M.

The Summer of 2002 Bm requested we wait until 5:00 PM. Dh said no, so she lethim have him at 7:30 A.M. but later decided that for summer time he would agree to that so we has an attorney send her a modification with regards to all pick ups, and other exchange informations.

But she filed for reversal of custody only stating that it would be in ss's best interest to live with her. Our attorney told us all these issues could not be brought up, until after this was over and we had problems again we could take it to court then.

The reversal was denyed, but the Court added one call a week.

Bm and I talked and she agreed to a modification with all issues hammered out if in return we meet halfway for exchanges. Dh agreed to all but....we had to meet the day after school was released at 12:00 pm and at 12:00 pm EST, and he would not meet for T-giving. (because we would have to meet on T-giving day)

I had everthing ready to go then the school aproved a new calender that added Wednesday off from school. So I told BM we would agree to meet now and we would wait until after T-giving to sign so this would have given everyone a good feel on meeting half way.

We have since X-mas of last year, but dh will not meet her now beacuse of (below)

BM decided not to meet, she is driving all the way here. I told her we would meet her at 3:30 P.M. like we used to, Bm wants to pick ss up from school. DH told her no so of course there is war.

(side note I have told dh a judge may say bm could pick up ss from school but we don't want to be at her hand when its time for dh to pick up)(our attorney is over seas right now so dh would have to do this alone, and would like to jump on this as soon as he can)


Questions
1. Can Dh file somethimg with the courts to settle all issues, pick ups, exchange of info, etc.
2. Is it to late to ask Thanksgiving to be split E/O year. (If this is taken back to court)
3. If the answer to 3. is no, how could/should he ask that it would be in ss's best interest to have t-givig E/O year with him.
4. In your experiance or what Pick up Times would you think is fare
 

[shawneetears]

hope SOC can answer this more susinctly but I'll try to give you what I can from here:

couple of questions:

1: did DH and BM do a consent order or sign anything since that origional order?

if not then the origional order stands as is and you do not have to agree to any changes unless you simply just want to be nice.  As far as the court is concerned, unless there is a request for a change of custody, all issues are resolved.  

both parties can come to a mutual agreement and go before a judge to change the order...that is the consent order I mentioned.  While custody has been settled, it is not set in stone...neither is visittation.  If the parties can come to an agreement  and there is no reason why there shouldn't be a change, the courts generally let the parents make the decisions.  But they wont' let you keep changing it and changing it as a matter of record.  That record is to make the rules in case you can't agree.

If the BM will agree to alternating thankgiving then great, do a concent order to reflect that and any other changes that are agreed on...but remember, if it isnt' addressed in the new order, then the rule of the old order should (soc will correct me if I am wrong) still hold true.

As for having to fight for the change.....you are better off to strike a bargain and save the money....since the BM doesn't get SS all that often, the court isn't likely to be inclined to take more time away from her unless you are willing to give up equal time.....as you can see, it would be better to strike a deal with BM.

As for pick up times....all depends on the parties...  you said 9 to 10 one way....what? hours...miles?
If it is hours and the BM is doing all the driving or footing of the expenses then surely it wont hurt to cut her a break....it take what...a few min of your time? (no offense intended)  But in the same breath, what is best for the childs schedule? It wont' hurt to be flexible if possible.  Fair is what is best for ALL concerned..... find a time and also give yourselves some room to breath...leave an out for cooperation if that is at all possible.
If BM doesn't want to cooperate then hold her to the letter of the order.

Hope this helps. (btw, I'm no attorney. :) )

Wish you all the best life has to offer.

[Imom]

Soc, helped on the T-giving thing. Our bm does not travel both ways. The way the order is written the courts assume Dh is the cp when he has physical custody and bm is cp when she does.

Bm wants to pick up from school, dh wants ss to come home change clothes, say bye to family, plus ss has meds he can not take to school. We are only talikng a 45 min battle. School is out at 2:45pm and we drop off at the store at 3:30pm.

Bm not properly but has informed dh she has moved a mile further south. so from now on it will be 10 - 11 hour drive.

How late is to late to get home and get into bed for school the next day?

[shawneetears]

I agree with your DH...especially if the child has other medication that needs to be retrieved from home and 45 min is not too much to ask.  IMHO, stick with the 3:30 pick up.  If you can accomplish everything in half an hour great but I would take it one meeting at a time, not change the order because of it.  You cannot help the added distance BM has to travel.  
Hmmmm...here's a thought, you could agree to drive an hour closer to her but tell her in order to do this you wouldn't be able to meet until 5pm at the earliest......(just for one visit) if it's a matter of the added distance she'll probably take you up on it, if its really the lost time she'll decline and pick up at 3:30.....ok ok I am not really serious but for such a short amount of time and especially if this has cropped up since the move, it kinda makes you wonder.
As for your other question:  I have been able to see this from both sides (CP and NCP) and in both context I think 6pm or 7pm is late enough.  Children need a "cool down" period and time to wash up and settle in before bed.  They don't get it and you generally have one rather cranky child in the morning.  Personally I  prefer 6pm as I generally had mine in bed by 9pm on school nights.  Children need 8-10 hours of sleep each night. I think 8pm is kinda pushing it and getting home right at bedtime is simply out of the question.
wish you all the best life has to offer!  :)