dad wants equal time

[gas]

Here is your fabulous atty  (in Encinitas)

Alan Edmunds

I got 50/50 last year and it is a fact that here in San Diego we are most fortunate 50/50 is becoming the DEFAULT in cases of two very capable, responsible parents.  Let's hope other parts of the country can progress to that level sooner than later..

The ONLY way you can trip yourself up is to focus on the negatives of the mother.  You need to concentrate only on the positives of the father..everything else will take care of itself.  DO NOT get caught in Mom's trap of distracting you with the petty b.s. - that is the only hope she has and if engage...you won't like the result.

 If you use Alan-and can demonstrate your hubby is a great Dad....this will be a slam dunk.  I said demonstrate-not just talk the talk but walk the walk  (detailed logs of his participating with the kids, sacrifices he has made, etc. etc.)

go get 'em and let me tell ya 50/50 is a beautiful thing................

[twohomesoneheart]

Thanks for the info

What great and inspiring news.  I will give Alan a call on Monday and let you know how this all goes.

Thanks also on the heads up on detailed logs.  I am going to assume that that is basically a journal that records on a daily basis how he  may  drive kids to school,  do a sit and read with his daughters class, offer to drive on field trips in both classes,  takes the kids to their roller hockey and guitar classes.  These seem pretty general though.  Is there any other info you can give us as a heads up for these logs that you recommend?

Any advice is appreciated

Thanks for sharing:)

[gas]

Immediately download and use on a daily basis the time tracker log from Sparc website.  It's easy to use and makes an impact with family court services who will be making a recommendation on parenting plan to the court.   I guarantee you will get the 50/50 IF:

a.  Dad can demonstrate his time, energy, love, and responsibility as
     a very capable parent.

b.  Dad lives within a 2-3 min drive to Mom's house (this is key)
c.  Dad brings a photo album to the FCS mtg. full of great pics/memories
d.  When FCS asks Dad if Mom is a good parent, "yes, no concerns"
e.  3-6 months of detailed logs are submitted to the court  
f.   Dad can address how his plan for child care when he is working

 Also, be prepared with three 50/50 parenting plans to review with the FCS counselor during your meeting (do not disclose these before the mtg).  One of these should be slightly favorable to the Mom.  Then it's a win-win and here's why:

1.  If she accepts one of the three plans, you've got your 50/50.
2.  If she rejects all three, FCS will ask for her recommended plans.
3.  She won't have any- she'll stick her heels in the mud and insist on 70/30 or whatever.

4.  And it will all come across as her unwillingness to find a solution
     and your good faith efforts to work it out.

5.  FCS won't like the "attitude" which is what they are really looking for.
     The "selfishness" of the Mommy will help ensure a 50/50 recommend.

[Troubledmom]

Photo's of the activities Dad has participated in with the kids is a good "verification" and not as dry as just a log.

A copy of the roller hockey and guitar lesson schedule (shows he has the schedule at a minimum and negates possible arguements by mom that he knows nothing about these things) If the coaches/teachers are willing ask for a letter stating Dads involvement in these activities.

Our school district has a form that parents complete to be drivers for field trips. If your district has those get a copy of the ones done to show Dads interest at a minimum.

Without asking teacher to take sides, ask teacher if (s)he would be willing to write a letter about Dads involvement in the classroom activities.

When you approach the teachers and coaches for the letters, make sure you let them know you are not asking them to take sides, that you are not asking them to say who is a better parent, that it is just to confirm Dads involvement.

In fact, with a particular teacher I was having problems getting information I needed from, I suggested a letter supporting BOTH parents involvement. I got it :-) The letter was very short but effective "The parents, Mom and Dad, of Junior Student have both participated in several classroom activities this year. The involvement of both Mom and Dad have benefited Junior Student and the rest of my class."

Good Luck

TM

[twohomesoneheart]

Thank You so much!!!

These are great ideas and very doable!!!!!

We may have some problems with the teachers but we do have the field trip forms for the last couple of years.  We are the ones that actually registered for the hockey and bought and paid for the gear.  We also are the ones that take the boys to guitar and paid for guitar and learning supplies.  We have his daughter in a baton class that she loves and take care of all of that as well.    

Thank you again for taking the time for sharing such great information....
And to all out there

It is so appreciated!!!

[MYSONSDAD]

I am in the same boat as your DH. Have training right now and that is what she is using against me. I am losing a great deal of time with our son. We have a Court Order that she does not follow. She reads it as what is best for her. If I am 5 minutes late, I lose my time, real nice...

I read your post at Custody IQ. Sounds like more time is not in the cards. My ex won't ALLOW anyone to pick up in my place or care for our child if the need arises. Okay her family and friends have options, just not mine. Can not wait for the day when things "come around"

Please let me know how you make out, and I will do the same. We have an identical problem. But if we do not work, we can not pay child support, catch 22 no matter what....

I have thought about sitting on my butt, lose everything, just for more time. Hell, she is doing it.

[twohomesoneheart]

We should know more in the next couple of weeks and will let you know.  

We will defintely though get at least more time.  By simply asking the court that we get them on all of the days off will simplify a pretty complex arrrangement.  Also by adding one weekend a month that will increase the visitation by at the least 2-4 weeks.  We may also make arrangemenents for acting detective and go regular hours.  That would be ample reason for modification.

Stay positive, there is no reason children should not have their Fathers involved in their lives!!!!  They need you even more as they get older, both girls and then especially boys!!!

We will keep you posted!!