My mother is trying to move my daughter out of state!!! PLEASE HELP

[shikara]

When my daughter was 2 years old (she is now 7) I gave my mother temporary custody. I was in a bad situation and i was thinking about the interest of my daughter. Since then I have seen my daughter almost everyday and have built a very strong relationship with her. In those years I have lived in the house at times and also lived out of the house but I have always been there for her. Her father has not been in the picture full time since she was born.

Since I gave the temporary custody to my mother I have turned my life around almost completely but still am not 100% yet.

My mother and father are both disabled now and they have decided to sell and move out of the state. I dont have the money to up and move to the same state as them, so if they leave i will lose that relationship with my daughter. I do not want that to happen. This is where i need some advice on what i should do.

I cannot afford an attorney at all right now, but i want to fight her taking my daughter and moving out of the state. I am able to care for my daughter but where i am living right now we only have one bedroom. I have discussed this over with my sister who lives 10 minutes from me and she has agreed to back me up 100% with my decision. She has agreed to let my daughter stay with her and go to school there and I will have full rights to see my daughter she would just have gardianship (sp). How do I go about doing this and will the courts go for it? I once again am looking out for the best interest of my child because i dont want her to have to become caregiver for my parents when they move. I also wont be able to see her or keep our relationship the way it is now. I know my mother will hate me for fighting her on it but it is something that I cant let happen. does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do or how i go about doing it. PLEASE HELP!!!!!

Thanks

[jilly]

1.  What State do you live in?

2.  Is there a Court order giving your parents custody of your daughter?

3. If there is a Court order, what does it say?


You may also want to post this on Dear Socrateaser.  Just be sure to follow his guidelines for posting or he won't respond.

[shikara]

I am in New Jersey.

Yes there is a court order that gives them custody.  It says that when i am able to support her on my own things will be reevaluated.  I was ready for this a long time ago but my mom begged me not to take her.  why i dont know.  I figured I am with ehr al the time why change anything just yet.

I dont feel my mother is able tot ake care of her on her own any longer.  My mother now has one arm, can barely walk, cant dress herself and if there isnt anyone else to help her with it my daughter is going to become her caregiver and she doesnt need that she is only 7.

My father can barely walk, he will not be alive very much longer.  He doesnt watch her, lets her do what she wants, I came over after work one day to find my daughter playing with the stove.  all she said was poppy would make me somethign to eat so i am.

I am hoping that the courts see things my way.  I am soooo scared~

[stk_agn]

OMG! Other than the moving out of state issue, my situation is almost exact.

I did not give my mother temporary custody of my daughter, she went and filed for guardianship (and was awarded guardianship of my daughter 3 yrs ago.)

Agreement with mother was same as your agreement (when I got on my feet mother would return my daughter no questions asked.) 6 months later I told my mother I wanted daughter back,,, my mother told me "Hell No!" and proceeded to tell me how "bad" my life was. and how much I sucked as a mother, blah, blah, blah,,,   All I can say is that I learned everything from her. Does that mean she sucked as a mother too?  Anyways,,,

3 years later, July 2004, I filed for termination of guardianship and custody returned to me. Domestic Relations Commissioner ignored all testimony that went against my mother (My mother admitted in court to calling my daughter 'fat' names to her face AND she admitted to offering me money for my daughter but DRC ignored all of this) and inserted his opinions about me and made his biased ruling. (Visible on court tapes) "Full custody went to my mother and step-father" Case is now in appellate court. Decision scheduled for Dec 2005.

I knew my mother would be so mad at me for taking her to court but I didn't care.

The only thing I hear when explaining the situation to other family/ friends is, "What kind of mother would treat her own child like that? What kind of mother 'steals' their child's child"

My opinion is this,,, If your mother can stab you in back and keep YOUR child from you and go as far as moving YOUR child out of state, WHO  CARES  IF  SHE  GETS  MAD  AT  YOU?  I haven't spoken to my mother in over a year. I don't go over there for holidays or even call on her birthday. Because her fighting me over my own child tells me that she didn't give a damn about me in the first place

That is your child and you have a right to be with your child, you have a constitutional right to raise YOUR CHILD without interferrence from anyone including your mother.

If your parents are disabled it shouldn't be hard to prove that they are not 'fit' to take care of a child.

As far keeping your mom from moving your daughter out of state,,, contact legal services if you can't afford an attorney. They should be able to help you. Also, the court with jurisdiction should be the county where child has resided for the last 6 months. (I'd check into it to make sure. I don't want to tell you something that is wrong but that is what KY law says.)

If you can get legal aide I would try to get something filed ASAP before your parents have a chance to move your child out of state. (That way if NJ law says jurisdiction stays in county where child has resided, your parents would have to come back to your county for any court hearings.

I hope this has helped.
Also, if you would like to talk/chat I will be in the SPARC chatroom for a while under the same name as below.

Good luck
stk_agn

[nosonew]

If you can keep her in the same school district and around her same friends and activities..that is a plus.

It has been FIVE years since this... surely you can take her now! If not.. perhaps your sister would be best. I can't imagine not wanting to tuck in my baby girl every night IF I COULD... Five years is a long time.

Time to put on the big girl panties and be a parent.  A one bedroom apt. doesn't make any difference.. give it to her..you sleep on the couch.