Baby Daddy Problems

[Bluenote1]

I have a dilemma my ex-husband and I have been separated for 3 years divorced for a year. We have a daughter together. I am currently petitioning for legal custody. He does not have my personal information that I am aware of. He currently communicates with her through my cellphone. It iritates me when he calls and I have to see his number or hear his voice. I do not want to deny my child access/relationship with her father but what other means can I suggest for communication that doesn't involve me having to be involved. My daughter is only 4-years-old

[ocean]

Are you kidding?? You better change your way of thinking real quick if you want to have custody. This is your child's father and at the very least you need to respect that, especially when your child can hear and see your actions/words.

There are ways to deal with an ex. You two can email only or some people use a notebook when the child is young and cant remember important things (medicine, school concert..). You can pre-set times that he calls so that is the only time he is calling the house OR have a preset time she calls him. She talks to him and then hangs up. I am sure when you need to change a time or want to ask him a question, you call him at any time so he should have the same respect with an answer from you. If he starts talking about other things besides the child, just say "do you have anything else to say regarding daughter?" If not , hang up.

I was going to suggest a cell phone but 4 years old is a little young for that. She should not be put in the middle of the two of you at any age but especially 4. Try to ignore ex trying to get to you. Answer his questions, hang up, and go about your day.

[grtdaddy]

wow, sorry but you sound like a nightmare ex, you say you dont want to deny your child but that child is not just yours. if you keep up your ex will have a case for primary custody. going through what i have went through i have learned there is a big responsibility being the custodial parent, and that includes allowing the child significant time with the non custodial parent. I can understand hate seeing that name come across your phone, you have to let it go, your going to be dealing with him for years and years, and if you try to run interference you can lose having your child live with you. Try to think outside the box, and put yourself into your childs shoes, you would want a daddy too in your life. good luck

[snowrose]

I know how you feel.  I would get upset when my SD's BM would call her on a daily basis (1 or 2 times per day) or have SD call her.  This woman had allowed her BF to physically and emotionally abuse SD, so DH got full custody.  Then later when SD is trying to work toward feeling safe enough to have overnights with BM, BM started calling her every night.  Come to find out 7 months later that BM had continued it on for another 6 months past when SD started having overnights because she was trying to convince CPS that she should have custody of SD again.  But as soon as CPS told BM that she'd never have custody of SD again, the gravy train ended.  BM told SD she didn't want SD calling her anymore during her 'time off'.   

Anyhow, my point is that when the parent obviously has no interest in the child as a person and only sees them as a means to an end - like BM here was just hoping to get the CS check back - then I can see where those calls are quite wearing.

OTOH, when we're talking about your own child talking to the father that loves her - well, I agree that it's hard to keep seeing the EX's name coming up on the telephone but you've got to remember that your EX has separated from you and you alone.  He obviously does not want to alienate your daughter - and truthfully you should be very, very thankful for that.  There are tons of women whose EX's disappear and life become even harder for both the mother and most especially for the child.