PAS

[swilloug]

I am a mother of one daughter and a step-mom of one SS.  Last year my husband went for custody modification because SS was on his 3rd year of failing school.  After a 10 month and a few thousand dollars later the courts order Dad residential custody.  We live about an hour and half away from BM.

We knew the road would be hard and SS didn't want to live with us.  I mean really who wants to live with Dad that has boundaries and rules if you can stay with mom and do what you want when you want.

Last week my mother's intuition kicked in after SS came home from BM house.  I searched SS room and found a two page letter to Dad from SS.  SS begged to go back to live with his mom and said he had thought about killing himself or his dad.  He also wrote that he missed his sister (My husband and I's daughter) grow up and did not want to miss his other sister growing up (BM and husbands daughter).  He wrote that he "knew" that Dad was going back to get BM visitation reduced (which his hasn't and wouldn't, no court would take away EOW and 5 weeks in summer unless there was some kind of abuse, not to mention we don't want to keep him from his mom).  

After finding this my husband decided to give it a week or so to see if SS would give him the letter SS did not.  So after this weekends visit with BM my husband talked to SS about the letter.  Of course SS can not give a reason why he is so miserable in our home and "I don't know" is always the famous last words.  My husband gave him a letter stating "Life is what YOU make of it."

BM called and they talk for about 35 minutes or so.  In that time she said "they don't know that I know about the letter do they" and SS said no.  And then he told her "they found your letter."  SO this is clearly PAS.  Now how do we fix it?

SS and hubby went to a counselor this morning and they will continue as long as needed.  The counselor told SS that dad probably did mom a favor because she could have been charged with child academic neglect and that dad can not send him back to his mother because BF is has a court order for SS to live with him.

Now what do we do, pray a lot, other than that I have know idea if we can tape their conversations or how to prove PAS.  I have done some research and will continue until we can figure it all out.

Thank you for any help!!

[smtotwo]

So bm wrote or told ss what to write in the letter?  I would be recording calls if I were you.  If you live in a two party state then let bm know that ALL calls to and from your home are being recorded and if she calls or answers calls from your home you will consider that consent to record.

If you do live in a one party state then radio shack has an excellent phone corder that we use.

//www.rcfp.org/taping

[FamOfFour]

We beleive that she told him what to write.  

We are in Missouri and are a one party state.  But my question to that is that if it is not our conversation (SS and BM) then is it legal?

[FamOfFour]

FYI I am now FamOfFour rather than swilloug.

[smtotwo]

We're in Wisconsin and also a one party state.

We did tell psychomommy that ALL calls to and from our home are recorded and if she chose to talk to anyone at our home then we considered that consent.

Then last year she left a threatening message for me and I now have restraining order and she can't call here AT ALL, not even to talk to the kids.

She has to call DH's cell and we're very rural so alot of the time even that doesn't work.