how far do i have to bend?

[foughtandwon]

i post on here from time to time, here is the history of the case.
CPS took son from the mother and placed him on foster home. I was sent to iraq in the middle of all this. by time i came back the BM still had not complied with CPS case pln and as a result the trial went to a custody hearing. After a long trial i was awarded Sole legal and primary physical custody. In the one year since, the BM has filed two false reports with CPS and now has hired a lawyer to take this to trial again.


now the current case.
BM got the child to say bad things about me to a therapist. As a result the judge agreed to go to trial. After 2 weeks the judge finnaly decided to allow the child to return with me. the bad part was she also set 3 visitations 2 that i have to pay for a 1 that the BM does. As i get ready to go home ( i live out of state, which makes things twice as hard)  Hurricane Katrina pops up and does her thing. well i live in new orleans and now in the middle of a custody battle i got this to deal with.  I get settled in an alternate location and enroll the child in school. Now the first visitaion i have to pay for. you can imagine the finacial toll all this is having. So my wife in wisdom was able to scrounge us a free ticket donated by a company that wrote it of as katrina refugee.
flight out was fine. return flight she called with all kinds of problems and eventully took him back home and changed the ticket for the following day. the next day she calls and says he is to sick to fly and the doctors says he has to wait 4 days to fly home. So now he is missing school. once he got back everything was fine until the other day. She called and asked if she could fly him out a day early and return a day late. I said no and that he would miss to many days of school. She complained that to buy a ticket on the specified days would cost her $1200.
So now at this point she is saying she bought him a ticket and that its on me to put him on the plane.
serioulsy though should i have to bend and allow him to leave early and return late? its not that i dont want her to have him. its just school is hard enough with all the missed days due to hurricane, i really dont want him to miss  more and have to work through the summer.

[CustodyIQ]

Given that you've outlined the problems you've had with your ex (and that she isn't the most stable of parents, per your description), I think it's in your best interest to stick to court orders.  

I think it's very reasonable that you feel the child should not miss school.

Finally, I think you should be nipping this in the bud-- if you accommodate her demands that fail to comply with court orders, you'll forever be fighting that chaos.

I suggest crafting a letter akin to the following,

"Dear ex,

Unless we otherwise discuss and agree on any change to the parenting plan in advance, please make sure your transportation plans follow our court orders.

I don't believe it's in our son's best interest to miss any more school than he's faced due to his late return from your home in August, added to the disruption Katrina caused.

I'm not certain why you're having difficulties arranging air travel.  For example, I just went to Travelocity.com and found a variety of travel options under $300 within the court-ordered time period you're to exercise custody.

If you have already purchased airfare that doesn't comply with our court orders, I'm sorry, but that was your choice.  I assume you can pay a relatively minor transfer fee to change the flight.  I'm sure neither of us would propose that simply purchasing airline tickets is valid grounds to modify our court orders.

Sincerely,

you"



Also, print out the cheaper airfare you found, so you can present it to the court if she drags you back on a motion to modify her upcoming visit.

[foughtandwon]

sounds reasonable.
i turned over to the lawyer and she did about the same.
funny thing is.. she already got an extra day due to judges error. judge said wed the 22nd, well wed is the 23rd and of course the day that all schools let out. im sure thats the day the judge ment.

now to wait and see if she decideds to change the ticket or miss the visitation?

i just hope the judge doesnt think i was being an ass about things but i know if it was the other way around she wouldnt care

[CustodyIQ]

The judge doesn't care if you're an ass.  The judge is there to enforce the law, which includes enforcing court orders.

All you have to do is say, "I'm complying with court orders, and beyond that, it's not in a child's best interest to miss school except for illness or extraordinary circumstance."

If parents arbitrarily and unilaterally changed court orders without the other parent's consent, there would be chaos and conflict.  The court doesn't want chaos and conflict in a kid's life.

[foughtandwon]

thanks hope the judge does think like that.

this is  temp custody order in trial is in first part of dec.

thngs were stacked pretty tough for me in the begining.
she has the better lawyer and had a therapist with a masters degree tell bad stuff about me.

on the other hand i got a head doctor with a phd in my corner to prove the child was being coched.

the only other strike i might have against me is...

when the hurican first hit i was devestated and faced with lawyer fees, custody eval fee, and of course the displacement issues so i strted to give up.
i told her we could settle out of court, she said what she wanted i said what i wanted and i told her to have her lawyer fix up the papers if i agreed i would sign them.
well of course what she said and what was on the paper was way off and really would have screwed me so i didnt sign it.

i just hope the judge can understand how hopeless i was feeling at that time. since then things have been going great. child adapted well to new school and is now back in his normal school

[CustodyIQ]

Whomever has custody going in to trial is at a great advantage, especially in long-distance situations.

The judge will ask himself/herself... "What good reason do I have to disrupt this child's life again?  To rip him out of school?  To rip him away from the friends he has started making?"

Regarding the failed settlement... don't worry about it.  It's not admissible at trial.

Do you have your custody evaluation report yet?

[foughtandwon]

well there was no way i could pay for a full eval.
i did find a pshyc that had mercy on me and spent 2 hours with the child. i hope that is enough to over turn what her therapist said. her therapist has a masters the one i used holds a phd.

the report hasnt been made up yet but the doc is going to be there to testify

from my understanding a full eval would run about 5k

it would be hard to get him mopre time because of the 1400 miles between states.

[foughtandwon]

well lawyer said dont worry about, said that BM is now making a obvious patern. she never returns child on  time. Always has an excuse as to why not. She also failed to have all documentation to be used in court submited on time.

now to see if she pays the price to change the ticket or if she just gives up visitation.
I am i wrong here in thinking that if she misses this visit she pretty much shows her true face to the judge?