Summer marching band

[MrCustodyCoach]

It's part of the price that children and parents will pay in the aftermath of a divorce.  There will sometimes be things in which they cannot participate.  No parent should be expected to sacrifice their custodial time for an extracurricular activity, particularly when the child is enrolled in multiple activities that will make for a well-rounded individual.

You do what you can manage.  You don't what you can't.  It really is that simple.

[sillystring]

Wow I WISH that we were only 12 miles away from BM....

I know that I was in cheerleading and we had mandatory practice 3 days a week - you could only miss two practices (and it had to be for a very good reason) or you'd get kicked off the squad.  I would assume the marching band is the same way because they really need everyone there to be able to work on their formations, etc.  It's hard to work on correct spacing when someone is missing.

I understand it is a really big commitment, but I don't think a judge is going to believe the "I can't afford to take her" excuse over 12 miles.

I'm torn on this one... it does seem like she already has a pretty full schedule with the two other bands that she's in, but I can't really say for sure without knowing the schedules and dates of all three activities (I'm assuming they may be during different semesters with maybe a little bit of overlapping?).   

Could mom help with some of the driving? Like on days that your work schedule interferes, could she come and pick her up and bring her back after practice?  There needs to be cooperation from both parents for this to work.

[eagleeyefam]

This is where the parent needs to determine what is more important, inconvenience or the child.

I was actually having a discussion about something very similar to this with the father of my children last night. Our son just got done with football for the season. Yes it was a horrible inconveniece, but it was something he really wanted to do. What kind of parent would that have made me to tell him no he can't play becasue I don't want to drive 12 miles, or he can't play because his practice times are during court ordered parental times. Wow I couldn't imagine the ill content my child would have felt towards the parent that told him that.

My oldest son spent summers with his dad. He played baseball. Because practice started for the team the day after school got out I had to send him to dad 3 weeks earlier than the court papers said, and lasted well after the 7 weeks court ordered for summer visit. So what. His games were a 3 hour drive from me. I couldn't make the games. I made 1 game. But my son doesn't remember mom not being there for the games, he remembers having fun and playing baseball.

Is it possible to make a different schedule with BM regarding this? Is ill content and hard feelings from your daughter something you are willing to face? Preventing her from doing this, is it going to cause a rift in your relationship with her? Will she blame you?

Why can't going to the games she performs at and the parades she marches in become a family affair? How cool would that be to watch sister perform! You mentioned family, can stepmom help out with driving?

[MrCustodyCoach]

Consideration needs to be made for all parties because extracurricular activities becomes a slippery-slope that is rife for abuse.

It's also not fair to consider the expense in addition to the inconveniences it may cause.

It really depends on the relationship with the ex and what additional sacrifices need to be made, but I'm not so quick to dismiss hardship concerns, particularly in this economy and in the aftermath of a divorce.

It's okay to tell children "no" if something really, truly cannot be managed.  The world will not come to an end.  And the fact that people are saying "no" less and less is what has produced a society full of "me-now-I-want" kids with no sense of sacrifice, management of funds, and understanding of hardships.

If you can find a way, great.  If you can't, try to flex a little.  If it's not manageable, I certainly won't sit here and judge you.  But you will have to manage something - including the aftermath of whatever decision you make.  Here's hoping you make it for appropriate reasons.

Too much of "the child above all else" is what has made the system as dysfunctional as it is today, which is why I'm so quick to take exception to it.