Newbie, worried about father trying to take custody

[Brent]

>This has been a degrading and isulting experiance for me, I
>will not return.

That's a very typical statement made by people who are unable to see their own faults or destructive behavior. You're unable to accept that you might bear part of the blame for the way things have turned out in your life. It couldn't be you, so it must be us.



>And you, sir, are clearly a very ill person.  You are
>aggressive and frightening even online.  

Riiiiiiight. And you're normal, healthy, and well-adjusted. (Aside from the PSTD, post-partum depression, mood swings, and all the other stuff you mentioned.)




>Blanket statements and cruel words feel nice? No.  You are
>mentally unbballanced and vicious.  It disgusts me.

I'm so sorry that we didn't validate your self-serving views and attitudes.  But that's not what this site is for. If you're unable to listen to a few hard truths, you're going to have a very difficult time of it in court.



>Now, educate yourselves before belittling people, are you just
>woman haters or what!?  

Ahhh, the old "woman-hater" label. That's so cute that you would fall back on such a shallow line. Yes, anyone that doesn't agree with you,  support your views 100%, and believe every word you say is undoubtably a "woman-hater". What else could it possibly be?


>Well, one less person to seek help
>here, that clearly isnot the purpous of this site, to judege,
>scrutinize, call people (who are NOT) liers.  Mob mentality
>with abosultely no knowlege under your belts.  I am sickened.

No, you're ignorant, not sickened. You're upset because you didn't get the validation you were seeking and it's blatantly obvious by your reaction to what's been said here. Your posts make it quite clear that you have some serious control issues and are unwilling to listen to the least bit of criticism regarding your actions and story.

[TGB]

Anything you put in writing can, and probably will, be used against you in court, especially if it will show that you were unstable or abusive. If you have copies of what you wrote, you should show them to your attorney. If you don't, then try to remember, as well as you can, exactly what you did write and provide that information to your attorney.

Any time you go to court it is a gamble. It is nearly always best, if possible, to try to work something out with the other parent in advance of the court date. If you cannot come to an agreement, then you can expect to incur tens of thousands of dollars in legal expenses, guardian ad litem and custody evaluator expenses, and much more. If his parents are both attorneys, then you can really look forward to an uphill battle in court and high legal bills.

As I said, it is best, if possible, to work things out between the two of you. You will be dealing with each other for the rest of your lives because of the child you share. Court battles tend to multiply the animosity between you and make it extremely difficult to work things out in the long run. Compromising and working together for the sake of your child also makes things much less stressful for her.

One more thing, If you have things that you put in writing that you feel could be used against you, then maybe you should consider that you were as emotionally abusive as he was. If your writings were abusive, then it is quite likely that the things you said to him or your behavior towards him were also abusive. Abuse like this is often a two-way affair.

Did you ever tell him that he would never see his child, that he is unfit to be a parent, or allow him to see the child only when you were present?  Have you ever demanded to know where he was going and what he would do with your daughter before you allowed him to take her for a visit? (Don't answer these questions, I am just trying to make you think about the possibility. I am not saying that you have done these things or that you have been abusive.) All of these are ways of belittling him and making it clear that YOU are THE PARENT and he is something less. It is a way of using the child to punish or belittle the other parent, and is rarely in the best interests of the child.

These are common behaviors of custodial parents (male or female), who then complain that the other parent doesn't participate in the child's life. Often the lack of involvement of the noncustodial parent with the child may be more out of a fear or dislike of having to deal with the custodial parent than a lack of concern for his/her child.

[badd]

Have you lived in IN for more than 6 months, or will you be going to court in NY?  What county are you in?

[zutalurs]

"he is not a fit parent at this time, just a notch above a SD"

To me, this is the most damning thing you have said.  I wasn't ready to jump on the bashing bandwagon until I read this.
So single dads aren't fit parents, but single moms are?  Are you a single mom?  What makes you more qualified then as a single mom than a father who is single?

Also, you complaign about his parents being the ulterior motive behind all of the father's interest and actions.  Well, let's examine that.
You admit they are well off while your family is not.  You have said nothing negative about them, other than the fact that they want to be a part of their grandchild's life and are willing to go out of their way to ensure that their son visits his daughter.  Guess what, that's their only road to your daughter.  I don't see their actions as particularly heinous, since it's the only means of being in that little girl's life.

I personally think it's about you wanting control over the child here, which you definitely present as a possesion and not a person.  Yeah, you present a case that dad is not the best thing for the kid, but you also prove over and over that neither are you.  Given the choice between two evils, I would lean towards the evil which could lead to the best interest of the child which in this case sounds like the wealthy grandparents who are bending over backwards for that child.

And finally, I find your quote hypocritical and a little frightening.  It seems like it's geared towards taking the responsibilty of child rearing off the hands of the parents.  Guess what, you do give your children your thoughts, every minute of every day. And unless YOU TEACH them to think for themselves, no new age bullsh*t is going to raise your kids for you.

Too many of these issues are created because mommy realizes that daddy doesn't want them, but only wants the child.  Get over it.  He may not care for you one bit, and so be it.  Why does your child have to suffer just because you feel unloved by this man.  You and so many others talk about wanting the dad to be involved with the child, like that makes you some saint.  But as soon as he does just that, but it doesn't end up in the fairy tale of him loving you AND his child, you get pissed and say he's trying to manipulate you through the child.  Here's a news flash for you and every mother like you.  He may not want you anymore, if he ever did.  Get over it and let him love his child anyway.