Could frequent outbreaks = neglect???

[melissa3]

I'm not sure where to put this post. It's for my fiance who is thinking about trying to obtain custody.

My fiance is the non-custodial parent and his ex has brought a motion before the court asking for him to be responsible for delinquent medical bills, totaling $335. She didnt tell him about the bills until they were late and can't recall all the reasons for why she brought their daughter to the doctor so frequently.

Their daughter has croupe right now. We know that is common in young children but she seems to get it everyother week. We know the ex is very untidy, doesn't dust or vacuum and she owns a dog. We are worried that the living conditions (which are worse than I can explain) may be contributing to the poor health of the daughter.

Can anyone tell us just how common croupe/outbreaks are and if living conditions play a role with frequent outbreaks?

If the conditions are contributing, could that be seen as neglect on the mothers part?

Thanks

[stk_agn]

If the living conditions are as bad as you say they are it is my opinion that Child Protection/Social Service needs to be contacted so that an investigation can be done.

If they think that the home is not safe for a child they could do an emergency hearing to have to child removed and possibly placed in your home but be careful, it could back fire on you as it did in my case.

My sons father abused him and the judge removed my son from my home as well as his fathers because she said I didn't do enough to protect him. We have 50/50 custody of son and son has been out of both homes since November 2005.

Good luck.

[Genie]

it wouldn't be caused by neglect. My YD has had it 5 times.  It is basically a cold gone bad.  

My thoughts is that she isn't getting croupe.  Maybe she has allergies and that is what is flaring up since there is alot of dust and pets in the house.  I would have her tested for allergies to dust, pollen and pets.  If it is the case, then she can be treated for the allergies and not croupe.  It would be under better control then.  Another thought could be possible asthma.

[melissa3]

Thank you both for your response.

stk agn:
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I wish you luck with your son.

The chance that my fiances daughter may be taken away has been a huge worry to him. Currently, he and his ex are in a court battle because his ex made alligations that he was abusing his medication. The real problem is she is jealous and has insecurities about us being together. Anyway, if the judge sees her alligations and then we say the ex is neglecting the daughter we're afraid the judge might just decide neither parent is fit and would place the daughter in foster care.

Thanks again

[msme]

You didn't mention how old the child is. Most kids outgrow croupe. If they don't, it is probably asthma & not croupe. DO NOT CALL CPS!!!!! They will not take the call seriously because there is an ongoing custody dispute.

If you feel they need to be called, find someone else to do it. A neutral party. If she goes to school, he should get together with the school counselor & voice his concerns. If there are significant absences, the counselor can call CPS & will be taken very seriously.

Also, perhaps there is a former mutual friend who he could voice his concerns to. If they still see her from time to time, they could call. Also her doctor. You have the bills, go to the office & ask them to match up the bills with the dates & then look at the records.

The doctor is a mandatory reporter. Ask him/her if there could be a connection between her living conditions & her health. He could mention that he feels that CPS should check it out but he is not in a position to call. If the doctor feels there is neglect, he/she must call.

Hopes this helps. Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[melissa3]

The daughter is 5 years old.

1. We know the mother smokes - we dont know if she does around the child
2. Ex has taken daughter to the doctor many times - my fiance never recieved paperwork, his ex just wants him to pay the bill
3. Mother's house is a disaster, untidy and she doesn't "clean"
4. Daughter has eczema and is only allergic to ammoxicilin. She probably is allergic to a lot more than they know.....
5. Daughter seems to have a "cold" all year round

My finance isn't in a custody battle right now. Recently, in order to stop visitations, his ex made (false) alligations that he was on drugs. The ex has been making attacks on my fiance without regards to the affect they have been having on their daughter. So far, my fiance hasn't seen his daughter in six months and we are concerned about the emotional stress it has put on the little girl. We are just trying to pinpoint whats causing his daughter to be continuously sick. It's either one, or a combintation, of the following:
1. Time of year/the season
2. Allergies
3. Neglect, on the mothers part
4. Emotional stress due to divorce and the mother attempting PAS

My fiance and I know all children get sick from time to time. But when a child lives in an unkept house, is sick year round, and becomes visibly more sick when there is tension between the parents, what is one to think?

[stk_agn]

Just because there is a custody dispute doesn't mean CPS won't take it seriously. They have to investigate all calls made. They don't care if your house is clean or not. If they get a call stating that a child is being neglected they will investigate. And I didn't say that they had to give their name either. You can call in anonymously.

Getting a third party to make the call  to CPS isn't always good either because the judge could look at it like the NCP didn't do anything to protect the child (as they did in my case) and the child could be taken away from both parents. My son has just spent the last 3 months in foster care because the judge said I failed to protect my child. Which by the way was bogus and I DID get custody of my son yesterday because the judge's "opinion" about what I did and did not do didn't hold up in court. (Yes he did spend Christmas in foster care.)

As far as the medical bills you can go to the billing department at the hospital and tell them that the ex wants the child's medical bills paid and he needs a copy of them to find out what he is paying for. (Hopsital can't release the child's medical information but they could possibly provide copies of the bills.)

The best advice that I can give is document EVERYTHING. It helps.

Good luck

[melissa3]

Thanks

We didnt know we could get copies of th ebills. We have to get the Medical Reports anyway for court. We want evidence that the mother is making the daughter sick with awful living conditions, first of all, and then that she is making her health worse by putting stress on their child.

My fiance doesn't want to take his duaghter away from her mother. He just wants her to be healthy and well cared for. With the battle that is going on now he's afraid bringing neglect into the mix will only look like he's mudslinging.

How can he make sure his daughter is cared for without looking bad?

[stk_agn]

I don't mean this in a disrespectful way but I wouldn't worry about making myself look bad. Everything you do for your child (fiance's child) should be in the best interest of the child.

If you think the living conditions are what is causing the child to be sick then something should be done. My nephew is allergic to everything under the sun so it could be that the child has allergies. I would try to have allergy test done.

Has your fiance' said anything to the BM about it? Has he expressed his concerns to her or is communication between them not possible?

If he doesn't want to take the child away from her then he, as a father, has a right to express his opinion about his child's health and make suggestions to the BM.

He can tell the BM that he does not want to take the child from her but will if necessary so she needs to focus on getting the dust and pet hair out of the house. If that helps the child; everybody wins.  Child is healthy, mother does what is best for the child's health issues, father doesn't worry as much.

I know this isn't much help and I apologize.

[melissa3]

I appreciate your advice.

We were afraid the judge would think it looked bad and, even though we are trying to make things better, we are afraid it will backfire.

Getting his daughter checked for allergies is a definite and I will suggest he tell his ex to shape up or he'll ship his daughter out =)

My biggest worry is the BM is so focused on fighting him in court that she is being negligent in cleaning the house and caring for her daughter. You could never suggest that to the BM, though, becuase the whole reason she dragged my fiance to court is, supposedly, out of concern their child.

Real reason for her court games is she feels jealous, insecure and threatend. She's jealous my fiance and I are happy together, she's insecure that he will forget about her and the baby and she's threatend that their duaghter will like me and look to me as a mother figure.

Anyway, thanks for all the help. You guys really helped to put this problem in perspective. Good luck with your battles...