is joint physical custody a myth?

[melissa3]

My fiance went to court, when he broke up with his ex, a few years back. Everything that was decided on then was temporary, including physical and legal custodyof their now 5yr old daughter. At the time, it was decided that the daughter would live with her mother and my ex would be the NCP.

Presently, my fiance is having a huge court battle with his ex. Long story short, the ex has tried to remove me from visitation, has falsely accused my fiance of abusing drugs, has motioned for my ex to pay for all medical bills, has motioned for more child supprt and just took him to court on contempt of child support. (note: all this was done in 4 months)

We have a pre-trial and a court date coming up soon. We know that court is the deciding factor and, after that, things can't be changed.

Because of the ex's malicious actions due to our engagement, my fiance is considering trying for joint physical custody. (I know, I know, it's a long shot.) We believe this will be better for their daughter, so as to keep her from being a pawn.

I was wondering if anyone would like to give us any suggestions/advice on how to prove joint-physical would be better for the daughter?

Assuming we get joint-physical, I'd like some opinions on which is a better arrangement - switching every week, 2 weeks or month??

Thank you

[Lil527]

What state are you in and do you live in the same county? The child is 5 - school age. All she has to do is argue it would be too unstable for the child to be attending school from 2 different households.
Fight for shared physical custody if you live close enough to each other. Be wary of the wording for joint legal custody. we thought we had it, but mother as primary custodian got to choose schools, doctors, etc., which screwed us big time when child started school.

[melissa3]

We all live in Mass, in Hampden County.

Their daughter hasn't started school yet but she is in daycare (my fiance had no say in this.) Their daughter is also in dance class, which neither of them can really afford at the moment, but the mother refuses to take her out.

The mother has had the daughter for three years and so far that has worked out ok. However, the daughter is young and we don't know if that arrangement will be good in the future. Thing is, the mother is a little off balance - she rigs board games so when they play the daughter always wins. The daycare has expressed much concern about this. Also, mother and daughter share a bed and daughter has no room to herself, even though there are plenty of bedrooms in the house. At our house, daughter has her own bed, bedroom, toys and clothes.

We are wondering how the courts are going to view things. We know they don't like to change things much and I'm not so sure they will be willing to give joint-physical a try, with things having been fine until now.

Would we have to go through custody evaluations if we try for joint physical?

What can we use as evidence to show that joint physical would be a good thing?

Thanks again

[determined]

Although MA is one of the worst states for joint custody, at least you aren't fighting in Suffolk or Middlesex Counties.  The most respected organization in the Massachusetts courts is probably "Fathers and Families" which was started by Dr. Ned Holstein and has long expressed strong support for joint custody.  

You can find them at:
http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/site/index.php

[my3sons]

I think that it will be difficult if the BM fights it due to the fact that most courts will usually want you to prove a significant change in circumstances in order to modify custody.  Try to think about what significant things have changed since the current order was issued.  

I've got shared custody of my kids, it was an uphill battle for me.  I now have a 50/50 split, with an every-other-week arrangement running Friday to Friday.  I moved into the same school district as my ex so that the kids could ride the bus to and from school regardless of which house they were out.

It isn't withouth its flaws, but I believe my current arrangement is far superior to the typical just see your kids every-other-weekend deal.

Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.