Will he get Joint Physical Custody?

[backwardsbike]

HI!

I am sorry I am late chiming in here.  I am a NC mother.  I used to have joint custody of my kids, true 50-50.  Then my X became tired of paying $250 a motnh for two kids AND found himself a new woman who hates me as your X's wife obviously does you.

They took custody from me based on my ew husband's very distant past which was made to look like somethingit was NOT.  They never made their dislike of him known until AFTER we had a child together.  My choice: Make my infant suffer by divorcing my husband to retain joint custody of my older kids OR go to EOW weekend with my older kids and maintain a family with my husband and young son.

I couldn't beleive I would loose in a custody eval!  I am a nurse, hold child clearances, as does my husband, and am a certified parent educator.

Well, long story short, I lost the eval.  had to take a psych eval myself to prove tot he judge that I am not crazy ( custody evlauators are not always unbiased!) AND have my husband evaluated so he didn't have to be supervised when around the NC kids.  Mind you he was a stay at hme dad with our infant while I worked outside thehome!  But he still had to be supervised while the NC kids were here.

My older NC kids have been PAS'd but I cannot prove it.  It has bee six years since we have had joint custody.  Of all the things I wih I could change it is the child support issue.

You see, I asked for support because after our baby was born I stayed at home ( and provided daycare to the kids who are NC) while my husband worked as a cook.  He worked six days a week, ten hours a day.  But with our new baby we couldn't make ends meet.  I asked my X for groceries when the kids were with me.  That was everyday becasue he worked full time and my own overnights.  he refused becasue he was still angry with me for ending our marriage.  So on my lawyer's advice I took him for support.  Then it hit the fan.

Should he have been paying the support?  yes.  Should he have taken advantage of me while I provided free daycare?  No.  But people are what they are.  he told me he wouldn't pay support.  He never looses.  he took my children, demeaned my husband, and PAS'd my NC kids.

Now his wife watches them, becasue like your X mine is an engineer and totally wrapped up in his own issues.  She hates me as your X's new wife hates you.  So she has ample opportunity to instill PAS.

Every visit with my kids is hell becasue if I discipline them  for disrespect he runs tot he judge to say I am abusing the  kids or retalliating for loosing custody.  Some days I just hold my breath dn wait for the time to take them home to come.

So, withhtis experience in mind, I suggest that perhaps the two of you engage in mediation.  Perhaps with a chance for each of your concerns to be heard AND a chance to possibly negotiate parenting time and child support payments you can work out your own solution without going to court.

The more you can keep this in your hands, and not put it before a judge, the better the result will be for your son.

You can agree to lower than guideline support in most states.  Check with your lawyer on this.  AND if he really wants to spend time with your son ask for his plan on how he would do it.  Maybe ther eis some workable solution to all this that neither of you cans ee becasue you don't want to hand over your son to another woman to take care of ( which i understand completely) and he doesn't want to feel like an indentured servant ( which is what paying child support makes you feel like).

I now pay my X who mkaes 70K a year support for our two kids.  I am now on disability ans pay $150 a month for th e two kids.  Thisis not a great amount, but I am collecting food stamps, have no medical care for myself, and am lucky to be able to afford the very basic necessities of lifel

The judge,a fter six years is finally seeing my X's motives.  But they children lie to evaluators and even tot he judge about what goes on in my home.  The judge just ordered my X and I to counseling on my request.  I hope to bring the children in but he will not agree, so that may take the judge's order to accomplish.  And I have no gaurentee of ever rebuliding my relationship with the kids I have lost.

Please learn these lessons now:  Life is not fair and there is no justice in family court.  Kepp this between you and your X.  Learn the laws of your state.  DOcument each and everything that ever goes on in the life of your child.  Keep logs of when you call your son when he is with his dad.  When the dad calls your son when he is with you.  All convos between your X and you.  Each and every time he misses parenting time.  Keep reciepts for eery dime you spend on your child and keep track of all the expenses your X did not reimburse you for.  This way, if you end up in court you will be prepeared.