How do you cope mentally/emotionally?

[Divorced Diva]

Right now I am doing all I can do legally to get my kids back well at least 50/50 but how do you mentally/emotionally cope with not having your kids and missing out on things?

[marif7]

I would recommend keeping a journal for yourself and include it daily notes to your kids.  Write to them often, pray for them with others.  Try to get in touch with their individual teachers, ask if you can call them at school, if you need to:  send them mail at the school if its intercepted at home.

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP.  I lost my daughter when she was only 12! to a corrupt legal system in Colorado.  My daughter turned 18 in august.  She is now with me, and happy and thriving.  She said she appreciated that I never gave up despite all the obstacles, control madness, and attempts by ex to destroy my relationship with her.

GOD WINS, STAY FOCUSED, KEEP BUSY, AND GET YOURSELF HEALTHY AND STRONG.  Your kids needs a strong and happy mommy.

[dadadvocate]

marif7 has great advice.  It is helpful to re-focus your vision of "parent" in order to cope as well.  What I mean by that is work to not get mired down in the feelings of loss.  Make the best of what you have in order to keep your sanity.  Do whatever you can to let them know you are there and that you love them and want to be with them.  Build independent relationships with health care professionals, school, spiritual outlets, and any other place or people who connect with your children.  By doing this, you show both the kids and the other people in thier lives that you care and that you want whats best for the children.

Most importantly though, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!  You will be of little use to your children if you are stressed out and disengaged emotionally due to the strain the separation causes.  So, eat right.  Stay away from alcohol and drugs, they will make your situation far worse.  Exercise, the endorphin's created from exercise will help you tremendously!  I also tell people to re-connect with a hobby or a passion you once had.  Distracting your mind is helpful.  Taking one day at a time is a benefit too.  The wheels of "justice" turn painfully slow.  It is rare to get instant gratification on an issue of conflict, you are in it for the long haul.  Just take it a day at a time.

The last bit of advise I would give is don't stress over things that are out of your control.  This is wasted energy.  You cannot control what your ex will do or how a Judge will see a situation.  You can't even predict how your children will react to a situation.  So, focus on what you can control; and that is YOU!

Best of luck to you!

[0717]

I am going through the same thing and it is the most difficult thing that I could imagine. Slowly I am realizing that I need to see the positive in the situation's rather than indulge over the loss. It is true, it is a waste of energy to try and control things we know we have no control over.  I try and see it as at least my child is wanted and loved by both parents, as unfair as it may seem in our eyes, she has people who want her and want to shower her with love. As a mother, you typically know your child on a different level, especially if you were their primary caretaker.  Although there will be affects from separation, you have to ease it by keeping in constant contact with them and always make sure they know it will be okay. If they see you distressed, they will mirror your emotions. So if they see that everything is okay, the transitions and situation will be much easier for them. When I am with my daughter, I always ensure to be happy to show her things will are okay.  You have to stay strong and keep pushing forward for not only yourself, but for your children. Even if they are not with you at the moment, they will always need you. Stay strong and please feel free to message me if you need support from someone who is in your shoes.

[olanna]

My son is now 23, but I remember how much it hurt like it was yesterday.  My ex pulled a lot of crap in his life, but never anything as awful as this.  I missed out on 5 years of son's life, less the little time I was able to steal without my ex and his lovely wife knowing it. 

When he was 15 he called me and told me he didn't want to live with his dad anymore.  I told him I understood, but I had dropped over $25K in legal fees and I simply couldn't spend anymore.  He asked me if I would buy him a ticket to my house and I told him I would.  My brother got him to the airport and father told him to never come back.

He has been with me now, and the damage that is done is overwhelming at times.  I am glad I got him out of his father's grip and his step mom's horrible treatment, but I wonder if he will ever be OK.

He has a son of his own now.  And he knows, first hand, how much it hurts when someone is denied the right to see their own child.