Custody Argument based on Race

[Weightlifting]

I was wondering if anybody has any information or knows anyone where they received primary custody due to the issue of race. I am Black and my children's mother is White. Currently we share joint custody but she is primary and I receive visitation during the summer, holidays, and spring break because I live out of state. Although, I feel this needs to be changed for my children's sake. Their mother's family is very prejudiced and not accepting of Black people, yet our children are half Black. They are not being raised in an environment that supports that part of their heritage and I feel that this may cause emotional and identity problems for my daughters growing up in this type of an environment. For example, my daughters were with me for the summer and both of them had always wanted to have their hair braided with corn rows, so I made them an appointment to have that done. Both of my daughters loved their braids. Keep in mind, the braids should have lasted them approx. 2 months and they were put in only two days before they were scheduled to go back to their mothers. Well, within a week of them arriving back to their mothers she took the braids out because she did not like them. This was against what the girls wanted and I feel was done because she did not like the fact that the braids were representative of the Black culture.

Does anyone have any advice on this matter in terms of this argument in court?

[gemini3]

I would ask soc, he would be able to tell you better than anyone else I think.  This is certainly an unusual situation.

[williaer]

Welcome to our world! My husband is black and the mothers of his older two children are white. The oldests family was/is totally racist and horrible. The grandmother used to tell her that she couldn't sleep on her pillows or get into her pool with hair grease in, because it would "mess them up". They also told her she couldn't watch particular shows because there were too many black people on them. It is a good argument- but you need lot's of documentation and neutral testimony. We filed and won joint legal and physical...it was based on this and lots of other things- but it was a part of our argument.

[mistoffolees]

I agree with the other poster that you should ask Soc or an attorney.

My gut tells me that you're going to have a hard time winning this battle if it's about race - particularly since there's always a chance that you'll get a judge with at least some bias (of ANY type). You might also get a judge who sees himself as being non-biased and believes that biases no longer exist in today's world and that YOU are the racist one.

In short, you're walking into a mine field.

However, if you really feel that the children would be better off with you, then you're going to need to show evidence that they're really being harmed with the mother. The standard of proof is pretty high - the fact that the mother won't let them keep cornrows isn't going to cut it (not even close).

You very well might have to resign yoursefl to the fact that you're going to have to teach them about their heritage when they're with you and that's all that they're going to get. Unless there's more to your story than you're saying, you might consider whether you're better off cooperating with the BM and trying to get more time with the kids so you can strengthen their racial identity rather than letting it become a battleground - and making them hate the fact that they're biracial.

Good luck.

[Weightlifting]

To williaer: Thanks for your post, and yes, we have a thing or two in common. I am actually posting on behalf of my husband. But, like you stated, the race issue is only going to be PART of our argument. It is one among many issues. God bless you and your family this holiday season!

To mistoffolees: Thanks for your post as well, and no, the issue of race is not our only argument. Although, I have found about a dozen past cases involving bi-racial children where race did play a critical role, and although it was not the sole determining factor, it was at least a concern to the courts. There was actually a case in IL that was ruled on in July 2005 where a bi-racial daughter was awarded to her Black mother primarily because of race. And yes, I realize we are walking into a mine field. We realize this will be a controversial subject, but it is a subject that needs to be heard in the least.

[mistoffolees]

I agree that it needs to be heard, but I'm still not convinced that race is going to be a winning card. You've got a dozen cases where race was one factor considered. How many are there where race was NOT allowed to be considered? I would suspect that in the interest of civil rights, the courts in many locations are going to specifically ignore race. (and, as I said, in some districts, you could get a red-necked judge where race will work against you).

In any event, I stick with my earlier recommendation - you need an attorney who's an exceptional family law and/or civil rights attorney (not just 'good', get the best you can find and afford, but keep in mind that an exceptional attorney costs less in the long run than a mediocre one). If you try to do this on your own, you're probably going to get squashed. And even if you think that race might be a deciding factor, the more non-racial issues you can prove, the better your hand becomes.

Good luck.