Custody Eval references

[clayberg]

I am going through a Custody Evaluation and have been a package by the evaluator in which it has forms to "send to family & friends". The forms ask about the evaluated parents relationship with the child, and asks the person filling it out who they think should get custody of the children etc.

I have very few friends where we live, and so was wondering whether it is acceptable to use eldest child's current kindergarten teacher, who I talk to everyday day, and have been on field trips for the school with.
Also if current teacher is OK, is teacher of previous pre-school son attended also OK ?

The friends I can use as reverals, didn't get to see my wife much. As whenever we were invited , she would go maybe once, but never again. Does this matter ?
Mine and the kids contact with my friends is also maybe a little tenuous - we see them maybe once every 2 months etc. Will this make me look bad ?

Any info, greatly appreciated

[mistoffolees]

It's going to depend on what your evaluator wants to see. In my case, the evaluator wouldn't even talk to family and friends. His policy is to only talk with licensed professionals (doctors, counselors, teachers, etc).

Having said that, I can't imagine any scenario where it would be inappropriate to include the teacher. After all, after the paretns, no one spends more time with your child than the teacher. I would also include previous teachers.

When you ask them, be sure to tell them that you're not looking for them to favor one parent over the other, but to simply provide their view on your parenting. Also, if you're looking for the status quo to be maintained, there's not too much more convincing than the teacher to say 'Johnny is doing just great with the status quo and I can't see any reason why he would do better with a change'. Of course, if you're looking for a change, that might not be exactly what you want.

Don't worry about whether the reference know your wife. Your references are about you. Now, if you're trying to prove that she's unfit, that's a different story and you'll need refs who can provide evidence of that. But it sounds like you're simply trying to show that you're a good parent, so their knowledge of the wife isn't relevant.

If you're trying for joint custody with 50:50 physical (which is more common now than it ever was), be sure to let your references know that this is an option and your personal preferred choice and why you think so. Many people have the impression that they need to choose one parent or the other.

Good luck.