Guardian Ad Litem

[gemini3]

My fiance finally meets with the GAL tomorrow.  We have gotten so many mixed messages about what you should and/or shouldn't tell the GAL.  Some people say tell them everything, others say don't trash the otehr party.  My question is this:  We are asking for custody because of a myriad of problems.  How do you show the GAL that you're having all these problems without making it look like you're trashing the opposition?  If everything was hunky-dory we wouldn't be here in the first place?

We asked our attorney about this, and he said to tell the GAL "everything".  I'm just afraid that we'll say too much and end up looking like we're the problem.

[John-J-Jay]

if you talk in a negative way about your ex, trust me it will come back to haunt you. They want a parent who can work with the other parent on issues, if they see you are hot agaisnt your ex it won't go well for you.

What grounds are you seeking custody of the children?
has there been a "substantial and material change since the last order?

[gemini3]

Yes.  We have already addressed that part of it.  The judge assigned a GAL, home studies, and parenting evals.  

My question is how to bring up all the problems you have, that are causing you to seek a custody change, without it looking like you're speaking negatively about the ex?  It seems like a catch 22 to me.

[escape2paradise]

My attorney told me the same thing.  Tell the GAL everything.  The key is to tell only in context of how it affects the children, NOT you.  Be tactful and concerned about how your x's behavior affects the children and your ability to protect/parent the children.  

Tell the GAL how you have tried to work with the x regarding the behavior.  How you have tried to overcome the these obstacles etc...Tell how you encourage the relationship with the other parent and that you believe both parents are important and that you want your children to feel love from all of their family, includingt x's.  This is important to show that you do try to coparent and support the x's relationship with the children.

Do not bash the other parent or bring up things that have nothing to do with parenting.  Don't talk bad about the x's family unless their behavior affects the children.  This does not mean you can't give examples of why the x's behavior is not a good example for the child etc.....

Remain calm and matter of fact when talking about the other parent.  Do not be emotional, mad, sad etc...You are a concerned parent.  

Talk about the things you do with your children. Homework, Dr.s, school activities, sports.  What a typical day is with your children.  How your children behave with you, how the children behave after seeing the other parent.  

**Remember first and foremost you are all about the children and doing what is best for them!!!**