father-to-be weary of ex-girlfriend's position

[tdprontomail]

My ex-girlfriend, who is in hawaii, is an
expectant mother. I am in Michigan, but will be
moving back out in a few months. The baby is
due is late Sept. She is accepting of me as a
father, but seems to only view me as some kind
of background guy. She only pictures me
visiting her to see the baby, and no kind of
personal time or anything. i would love to
have the baby half of the time. maybe a week to
her, a week to me. or 6 months her, 6 me.
ultimately i would like to go to school for a
semester, let her have the baby, then trade
off, with her as a semester, then me with the
baby, as we are both college students. We are both
pretty much unemployed and are both searching
for part time jobs.
to further complicate things, she told me a
couple weeks ago that another guy might be the
father.
i want to play a major role in my child's life
(assuming it is mine). I dont want to wait too
long to start making legal moves if thats what
i must do. When should i be acting, if at all?
Should i look for a lawyer? Check into pre-
natal paternity testing? maybe take parenting
classes to demonstrate that i am serious and
interested as a father? I know that
establishing my role as a father EARLY is very
important. What do i need to be doing?

[Brent]

>i want to play a major role in my child's life
>(assuming it is mine).

You must be prepared to have to fight for the right to be a parent and to be part of your child's life. Once you've come to terms with the fact that you may have to aggressively fight to be a father to your child, you're halfway there.


>I dont want to wait too
>long to start making legal moves if thats what
>i must do. When should i be acting, if at all?

Start immediately. Get an attorney (links below), and start keeping records (also in the links below).

Make sure you're there for the birth of your child if it's humanly possible.

>Should i look for a lawyer?

Yes, and get one that specializes in Family Law.


>establishing my role as a father EARLY is very
>important. What do i need to be doing?

One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is crucial, and these pages will help get you started. Some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information.

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

Also, get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.

[StPaulieGirl]

to further complicate things, she told me a
couple weeks ago that another guy might be the
father.

It sounds like to me that this woman has at least 2 guys on the hook as being the "daddy" of her child.  She's looking to see who has the biggest wallet to pick, not who the real father is.  Just my opinion.

Don't build hopes and dreams on this.  Get a paternity test as soon as this baby is born.  If you can't be there physically, then make sure you get a lawyer who can order one as soon as the birth occurs.  

If you are in fact the daddy, well congratulations and see Brent's posts.