Mom is "missing", what can I do?

[mistoffolees]

>
>My post and others are encouraging the father to obtain a
>court order to prevent the mother from just waltzing in and
>removing the child.  Once the order is in place the police can
>be called to prevent the removal.
>
>Mist ... please stop your semantics ... especially those that
>are not true.
>
>The mother can not do what ever she wants and one does not
>need a favorable court order to stop the mother from taking
>the child.  For example, let's just say the mother appears at
>the GP's house with or without her drug dealing pimp to take
>the child.  The mother has had virtually no contact for weeks,


Yes, you can take any situation to the extreme. I didn't think that I needed to say the obvious:

Yes, if the mother shows up with a gang of drug-crazed bikers waving operating chain saws around and shooting automatic weaponry into the air while holding a button for explosives strapped to her chest, then you don't have to let the kid go with her.

But there was nothing in the original post that indicated that level of danger.

>has no visible means to financially support the baby and is
>incoherent from drugs and/or alcohol.  I would not need
>government (court, CPS, etc) approval to use any reasonable,
>civilized, non-violent means to prevent the mother (or a
>father or anybody) from taking my child or your child or any
>child .............

The rules are simple. As the mother (without a court order to the contrary), she is entitled to see the kid(s). Anyone interfering with that could be in trouble. The only exception would be if you could demonstrate IMMINENT and REAL danger. Since the original post didn't do that, my advice still stands.

The fact that you don't know how she supports herself is irrelevant. The fact that you think she hasn't seen the kids is irrelevant.

If she's a danger to the kids, get a court order. Until then, she has the right to see the kids unless there is a clear, imminent, immediate danger.

Furthermore, you run the risk of doing permanent harm. Let's say that you stop her from seeing the kids when there's no imminent danger simply because you don't like the people she associates with. She runs to court for a custody order and the judge sees you as interfering with her ability to see the kids - and gives her sole custody.

Like it or not, it happens. The laws are there for a reason and your best bet in the long run is to obey the law. Again, if there is CLEAR and IMMINENT danger, you don't have to let the kid(s) go. Other than that, play by the rules and go to court for a permanent solution.

[missmyson]

I'v had my son all week, with her parents and my sister providing daycare - for now.  My sister can't do it much longer so I still need to do something about the situation.  He is doing well.  

I guess her parents called DCF as they warned me they were coming over to my house this evening to check on my son.  They wish to gain custody of his sister.  They told me they are not going to be helping me, as that is what they were told by an attorney - to keep everything they do to themselves.  So I can no longer count on their testimony- but they should tell the truth if in court one day.  

I don't know what DCF will do.  The children are not in danger, so Mom may get away with this.  It is clear that Mom is not residing with the children- but I don't know if they will do anything about that.  She is no longer missing as she has let us know that she is staying with her new boyfriend ,who ended up in the hospital today after supposedly being jumped by two guys, then reaching into their car as they drove away, and being dragged down the street - probably a drug deal gone bad.  

There is a group that will help me prepare motions for a low cost.  I just don't know what to do - still.  And I haven't had any time.  Single parenting while working 50 hours a week is time consuming.  I need to decide what to do so that I can plan my work week around it.  I know I need to do something.  I need to get the process started - as this may take a long time.  

I appreciate all of the advice- but the situation has changed again.  So, if anyone could offer any more advice as to some action I should take in the coming week, then I can work on it this weekend and try to do something this week.  Or, perhaps I should wait for DCF to do something?  Will they give me a report anytime soon, or would this just put off the process that much longer?

Thank-you :)

I need to change my User ID - totally inacurate these days :)

[Jade]

"Should we now go and file an emergency motion for temporary custody? The office that takes such motions told me that all they could say is those motions are for when there is an immediate threat of death or manifest injury. I don't know if this is the case. If we go, what should we say in our Emergency motion? Do I write that the Granparents- who she left the child with- are present with me at this time and ready to testify that they do not wish to take care of him any longer, and that his mother is missing again, and they are afraid to let her take the child because of her behavior?"

Uh, yes, you should file for custody.  If I were in your shoes, I would have filed the first time she left.  

If you have joint legal custody, all you have to do is go pick up your child.   I would definitely talk to a lawyer.

[Jade]

>
>>DO NOT wait until the mother is driving away with the child
>>before calling the police to protect the child.
>
>
>I agree with everything you said except this - perhaps you're
>just not wording your thoughts well.
>
>The only time you CAN call the police is after the mother
>drives away with the child - and even then only if you have a
>valid court order preventing her from doing so. The police can
>not act until the law has been broken.
>
>What you CAN do (and which you've already mentioned - which is
>why I think it's a matter of wording) is use the courts via an
>ex parte hearing to proactively take action to make it illegal
>for the mother to drive off with the kids. But even with that
>order, the police can't act until she attempts to violate the
>order.

Then he needs to get a restraining order that doesn't allow the mother to be anywhere near the child and that specifically spells out when and where supervised visits are.  That is something that the police can act on before the mother drives off with the child.

[Jade]

>I'v had my son all week, with her parents and my sister
>providing daycare - for now.  My sister can't do it much
>longer so I still need to do something about the situation.
>He is doing well.  
>
You NEED to file in court.

>I guess her parents called DCF as they warned me they were
>coming over to my house this evening to check on my son.  They
>wish to gain custody of his sister.  They told me they are not
>going to be helping me, as that is what they were told by an
>attorney - to keep everything they do to themselves.  So I can
>no longer count on their testimony- but they should tell the
>truth if in court one day.  
>

You can subpoena them to testify against their will.  If they lie about the mother on the stand, they jeapardize their case.  


>I don't know what DCF will do.  The children are not in
>danger, so Mom may get away with this.  It is clear that Mom
>is not residing with the children- but I don't know if they
>will do anything about that.  She is no longer missing as she
>has let us know that she is staying with her new boyfriend
>(who ended up in the hospital today after supposedly being
>jumped by two guys, then reaching into their car as they drove
>away, and being dragged down the street - probably a drug deal
>gone bad).  
>
>There is a group that will help me prepare motions for a low
>cost.  I just don't know what to do - still.  And I haven't
>had any time.  Single parenting while working 50 hours a week
>is time consuming.  I need to decide what to do so that I can
>plan my work week around it.  I know I need to do something.
>I need to get the process started - as this may take a long
>time.  

That's good that you found someone to help.  But you need to act NOW.  




>
>I appreciate all of the advice- but the situation has changed
>again.  So, if anyone could offer any more advice as to some
>action I should take in the coming week, then I can work on it
>this weekend and try to do something this week.  Or, perhaps I
>should wait for DCF to do something?  Will they give me a
>report anytime soon, or would this just put off the process
>that much longer?
>

You should file NOW.  Simply don't put it off.  Get a lawyer.