Difficult exchange

[dipper]

I have posted about a couple of difficult exchanges.  The most recent, Tuesday, we did not engage when mother was making calm demands that we give her 24 hour notice when we take the child anywhere out of town.  Today, she called and was already at the hospital (in the same town she said she was not given proper notice about the other day).  She had not notified us that she would be taking child out of town.  Per court order, we take custody of the child when the mother is hospitalized.  She called my husband and said we could pick up child this evening or tomorrow.  He told her this evening.


In the background, the grandmother said, "Tell 'em I will get there when I get there."  Mother stated what the grandmother said and stated they were not sure when she would be leaving hospital and travelling home.  My husband told her to just let us know when she was near the exchange point. 


We waited 4 hours for the call.  Finally, at 7:44, mother called me and asked why we did not meet her mother at 7:00?  I told her because they were to call when she was near and the mother stated no, that she had told us 7:00.   I said that was not true, but we could leave right now.  Then she told me No, that her mother had waited long enough and was not coming back out.  I told her they lived 9 minutes from the exchange spot and she would come back or I would have to police at her door.   I hung up and we went to the police station.  Now, I know the police will not actually help, but I had to try.


The town police called for the county deputy to meet us.  When I went to the exchange location - low and behold there was the grandmother and her brother with the child.   After we had child I called and told them the deputy could disregard.


Since then...mother has been posting all night on FB how wonderful and blessed her life is.  I feel like we are in a nightmare - being jerked around. 

[MixedBag]

you will have these problems until:

1.  They learn.

2.  Child turns 18.

Even in your other post -- where you shard the new words in the order.....that ain't gonna help a side that WANTS to be uncooperative and above the law.  Not until they learn.

sounds like they "caved" last night....and came to the exchange point.   chalk one up for Dad ...

[dipper]

Whew...child is only 19 months..that is a long, hard road!  Seems to come in spirts with them.  May 10th big explosion...then on good behavior until this week. 

[dipper]

I did send an email to my attorney's clerk regarding this week.  She responded that he and the other attorney had a long discussion yesterday about the case and she expects him to contact me today or Monday.   Considering they had signed the agreement but made that one big change and all they were asked to do was change that back, I don't know what they needed to talk 'at length' about yesterday.


I think it has all been a stalling tactic.  The mother and grandmother have moved into a larger home.  The mother is planning on getting married and they think these things will greatly influence the court in their favor.   

[MixedBag]

Mine finally "shut  up" when our son was 16 1/2 and he got a scathing order from the judge with hand writing words from the judge all over it.

BUT it really didn't end there -- for son's graduation he REFUSED to stand on the other side of our son so OUR SON could have a picture with his Mom and Dad.  So....FF to Sep 14, we were all wondering if his dad had learned any lessons and would stand in the appropriate spot for wedding photos when our son got married.  Whew....someone must have said something right. 

But from that order forward, NOT A PEEP really....1.  it was all his fake-wife on Our Family Wizard, 2.  Not a written word against anything....normally I'd hear about how this airline ticket wouldn't work or that or whatever, but NADA.  He really got slammed HARD in the last order.  Then the last year, I wrote and said I refused to use OFW since I know for a fact that HE wasn't using it, SHE was -- date time stamp was always when he was at work, and he can't access it at work, so NEVERMIND paying for another year's subscription when he clearly wasn't abiding by the order.  He didn't say $hit.  But it took me 17 years to get to that point.

He recently posted an open picture on facebook where he burned all the "documentation that I caused him" before he moved to Florida.....and yes, many friends said "good move" -- and I agree "good move" -- but understand that the order CLEARLY said HE caused them.

So just sharing and just saying....you have a long road and the sooner you learn to "play the game better" the better off you'll be.

[dipper]

What can we do better?   I mean...I honestly can say that we do not initiate conversations - at all.   We don't call and try to change things, we don't say things at exchanges.  We have never asked to change anything.  We would like to change the point of exchange....but we have not mentioned that yet.


All we want is our ordered time with child without interruptions and demands.  I don't want to hear about what she has bought or lies about the child only having one bottle per day and that is for night time when she brings her to exchanges in the mornings with a bottle.  I just do not comment on these things when she says them. 


And I am honestly asking = what can we do better?

[ocean]

Learn to ignore her and move on with your life. Laugh at their demands and just live your life. Like the rest said, long road.

Our PB sends emails on and off and we have not responded to any in almost 3 years. We respond with registered letter for money issues only and do not respond to any other demands.  We quote the court order and make all letters a brief as possible. Our PB needs to respond immediately so she uses email to go off on DH after receiving our letter. We do not respond back as she wants an argument. She also states on fb about dh and our family but we laugh it off. Save anything you may use in a future court case but really not much ever even goes before a judge even at trial.

After you get this court stuff settled, put a copy in the car you do exchanges in case of police involvement. Put any court documents away so you can not see them every day. SLOWLY is gets easier as it can take over your life during court times. Pick your battles and def document all her hospital stays and when your son has child as parents have more say in court overtime. You have joint custody now but that probably will change over time especially near school age and the parents will have more rights of either set of grandparents IF they are shown fit to take care of child at that time.

Now go enjoy your grandchild this weekend and get away from all this court stuff for while!!   

[dipper]

Thank you ocean!  I have been through this years ago when my husband was trying to get custody of his son and we did eventually gain custody, but it was a hard road.  I think now I am more sensitive even due to the fact that as grandparents, what we have going for us mainly is that twice she has agreed to us having joint custody.   


Ignoring...that is exactly what we need to do.  I think most tactics are at control - as she does have issues with OCD and to get a reaction from us.