Asking for advice, suggestions, anything.

[TryingToBeMommy]

My case is completely convoluted, messy, and having me feel as though I am trying to find a needle in a haystack. I will try to streamline what happened in an effort to keep from writing a novel while trying not to leave out possible pertinent information all while being anonymous.

A judge ruled about 2/3 years ago I was unfit as a mother due to my oldest son having suffered a life-threatening injury (hematoma on the brain) while in the car of both a male co-worker and I. The judge felt that I either knew about said abuse and/or am covering for said male co-worker. The GAL assigned to the case, along with my attorney, proved the only variant factor in my son's care during the time was the male co-worker. I did have a second son during the above case (coupled with a divorce) with this same male co-worker. The judge met with all the attorneys after the case to which she advised my attorney she recommended I see a counselor/therapist for a few things in addition to me getting myself more established. My attorney passed these suggestions on to me and said the earliest I could file for any type of modification (it was set at me having supervised visitation with each son at least once a week for at least 2 hours) would be 2 years unless a major change occurred.

*There was no evidence to me during the time of visits with my coworker, son, and I, that anything was out of the ordinary let alone abuse.
*The sheriff assigned to investigate the abuse led me to believe my ex was the one who abused my son and this was the mentality of everyone involved (DHR, sheriff's office, my attorney, myself) for the first year or so of the pending case.
*I did sleep with said male co-worker PRIOR to him even being on the radar as a suspect of the abuse as he was NEVER left alone with my son; this resulted in aforementioned pregnancy.
*After I discussed possibly getting an abortion due to everything going on already with my first child, male coworker became physically violent with me. I did not have my 'light bulb' moment until then; contacting my attorney immediately to tell her what happened.
*I did move in with him a few months afterwards (although I was staying with him prior to the abuse incident as I moved out of my ex's house) thinking I could find some sort of evidence he abused my oldest son. STUPID MISTAKE. This was of course used against me.

I admit I made stupid decisions, I take FULL responsibility for what happened to my son as he was in my care at the time and have not ever deviated from that, and have done everything the judge recommended/suggested.

My questions is this: How does one go about proving to the court I am a fit mother? I would like to move from having the one visit each week to more visits/time, unsupervised visits, then to gaining custody back. My oldest son lives with his father, my youngest with his paternal aunt. The best thing for my oldest is to stay primarily with his father due to my son being established with a school, routine, etc., but I would like to share custody; my youngest I feel needs to be with me.
Again, I have done everything the judge recommended/suggested, same is applicable with DHR and the law enforcement agencies, yet I feel I am stuck.

I know my post is probably all over the place but I really want to be a mom.

Thank you.

[ocean]

You could do several things.
1. Take a parenting course through your local DSS/hospital/or fire department. One that is weeks long and gives a certificate at end.
2. Get CPR child certified.
3. Get into and stay in counseling. Find someone you like even if it takes a couple of tries and stick with it even if after a while you go once a month.
These look great in court.

Do you communicate with either the father or aunt? If you asked them, would they agree to increase the time to 2 hours for summer?

You can not ask for a change in custody but you can always go back and ask for an increase in time. How long has it been since you been to court last? YOu could file in family court where you went last and ask for increase supervised time and schedule to become unsupervised. Change in circumstance: mother has shown positive relationship with children over the course of xx months and it would be in the best interests of the children if they saw their mother more than one hour a week.

Is the law guardian still involved or does either child have a counselor that you can have them be the mediator to ask for more time?

Also, since you mentioned at least one child in school, use school to see child. Ask to volunteer in child's room, field trips, ask the school for all communication and about special events coming up that you can attend. If child(ren) are in outside activities, go to them (dance, baseball).

Another option is to see if you can have skype or similar app to have video phone calls with them at least 1-2 times a week. You can ask them if they would agree or next time in court ask that it gets court ordered phone/video visits.

Send kids letters and little treats in the mail.

Good luck!

[TryingToBeMommy]

Hi Ocean!

I appreciate your feedback. Here is an update.

1. While the case was going, I took a parenting course through the National Child's Advocacy Center that was 6 weeks long and gave a certificate. It did nothing.    I did contact them to try to take the class again (since it has been a few years) and was directed to a different program. It is a parenting class of sorts but focuses more so on day to day things. This one last about 12 weeks I believe.
2. I will plan to take a CPR certified class for children. I hadn't ever thought of this. Great advice!
3. I have done counseling, trying to stay in it with a plan to go every 3-4 weeks. The hold back with this lays within the financial factor. A little more than half my income goes towards paying child support, after that is taken out (it is automatically garnished) there is health insurance, taxes, normal stuff. At the end of the month, I am lucky to bring home about $400. This barely covers my car payment and related insurance. I did take on another job to help cover additional expenses in addition to getting funds into an account for emergency expenses.

I also enrolled in my community college to take some courses. I plan to only take 1-2 courses per semester, depending on what I can afford/assistance I am able to get. I plan to finish college.

The only communication I have with the father and aunt is related to children in the aspect of visits, birthdays, etc. I am not allowed to visit either child at school or daycare due to it 'possibly interrupting their development which causes more harm than good.' I cannot get anything more from either situation regardless of my asking. Heck, the father won't even allow me to take pictures of our son nor will he send any.

The GAL is not still an active participant in the case since it ended back in 2013. Before I petition for anything, I want to ensure I've done everything in my power to prove to the courts I accept full responsibility for what happened, have taken action to correct mistakes, and continue to take action to prevent any future mistakes from occurring. I would like to progress from the weekly supervised visitations to eventually non-supervised visits, eventually regaining custody of my youngest and sharing custody of my oldest.

I struggle with the day to day impact of not having my children despite my efforts in trying to remain positive. I try to find productive things to do (i.e. volunteering, completing school, finding a better job, etc) however it doesn't replace the longing I have for my children ... not that I felt or expected it would.