Ex trying to deny upcoming summer visit. NEED ADVICE ASAP!

[butterflymackey]

I am a noncustodial mother and live out of state from child. Divorce decree says:
 "The summer visit shall be determined by mutual agreement of the parties on or before March 1st of each calendar year."

"Mother shall be solely responsible to pay for and transport the child from AZ to the state of Mother's residence, and shall provide appropriate airline tickets or other satisfactory transportation arrangements in a timely manner to Father, not less than 21 days prior to and scheduled visit."

Ex is trying to deny visitation because he received nothing in writting before March 1st as to what days child is to visit. We have discussed that I have no preference as to what 6 weeks she comes, but nothing was ever sent in writing.

Would a judge allow this to be a good enough reason to deny visitation? Or would it come down to his word against mine? It does say mutual agreements of the parties, so it seems if he had a problem or preference as to what days she is here he should be equally accountable for not having something in writing. I know I should have sent him a letter but overlooked this line in the decree. I thought as long as I gave him 21 days notice for the ticket it would be fine.

Every visit I have had with my daughter has been a battle. He has changed plane tickets and even denied an entire spring break. I am in the process of filing a motion to enforce visitation. It is just so hard, time consuming and expensive to do this long distance. I dont want to make myself sound like the victim because my child is worth fighting for but sometimes it seems like he should get in trouble for harrassment and not caring about the best interest of our child by interfereing with our relationship by denying visitations for any petty thing he can. I want to see my child and she wants to see me. Do I have a chance in this situation? HELP PLEASE ASAP!!!

[IceMountain]

I don't think I'm going to be much help for you.

But, if the decree says it has to be mutually agreed upon and put into writing by a specific date I'm sure he can fight you on it.  Can he deny you visitation all together?  I don't know.  

I think the best chance you have for future visits is to learn every syllable of your decree and make yourself notecards for specific situations if you need to.  Once you do this, make sure you follow every direction to the letter.  If you do this you will have more recourse when it comes to him denying you visitation.  But, if you are not following the specifications of the decree then he has one up on you.

Photo copy specific directions and staple them to the back of the calendar for the month you need to start the process to give the notice.  Set up a time line on your calendar and stick to it!  Plan to achieve the goal at least two weeks early so you have a little extra time for his interference and stall tactics.  Keep a separate calendar just for visitation but mark your dates on your regular calendar too.  Also keep track of all contact with your child on the visitation calendar.  And DOCUMENT everything!  Keep a journal.

Have you checked out the Notice of Intent To Exercise Visitation letter on this site.  It is really good!  Use the letter for every visitation that you have.  Send it certified mail with return receipt and send a copy to the courthouse to be placed in your permanent file.  This will prove that you have done your part and if he continues to deny your visitation for petty crap then you have a court document with proof of your attempts that show you did what was required.  And if you follow what you are supposed to do and he denies visitation file a motion of contempt.

I know it is really hard being the NCP parent when there is distance between you and your child.  Just remember the sole reason of why you fight so hard and that will make it all worth it!

[nosonew]

Go ahead and send him a letter of intent, and mention in the letter about the phone conversation that you took as a verbal ok.  This documents everything. Send it reg. return receipt.  Give him a time line to respond. Spell out when, etc. you would like her there, give him 2-3 options, like June 1-July 15, etc. Ask for a written reply by such and such date so you can purchase the tickets.  See what happens from there. I think a judge would side with you on this one, and summer is still 2 months off. Good luck.

[joni]

It didn't say it had to be in writing.  Also file a motion, LIE, and say you had a verbal agreement for this date to that date.  BUY THE TICKETS.

Bring all of this as documentation.  Say your Ex verbally agreed to these dates and you made arrangements based on your talking.

The worse you'll be out is $100 if you have to change the tickets.

[butterflymackey]

I love everyone here! Thank you for your advice at least it gives me a place to start and see what happens from there! I'll keep you posted to let you know what happens. I will send a letter today cert mail retrn recpt. God bless you all!