Looking Back then to now

[gipsy]

Hey I like to come back here to post stuff , I like to help people through this , So Let Me start
     My case  was a similar nightmare As every case posted on here ,

     1: There were every allegation made ever was made . Pedophile , Stalker , Abusive .  She said I was doing all this to get back at her / I had some thing for her , And I didn't want any thing to do with her .
 Blah Blah !
     I went through all the turmoil that only we know , And ONLY  A person thaT has to face the potential horror Of this system ,
       She tried to tell the doctor the school and every one else that the court order gave her custody and not to cooperate with Me
   
      2 , My expirience, broke down to the simple terms that would prevent  A 1000 page book are this , And it is very hard to do . When some one is attacking me and my personality ,My intentions , And My motives ,The worst, is Trying to use these attacks to be vendictive and interfere  With My relation ship to my son , And I will say one thing that is very deep , Every one here knows there is no other form of true unconditional Love and acceptance as we have for our own Innocent little children
   So Here are the smart things I have done, and later the stupid things I did ,

 Smart , Filed again and again to get the issue straightened out, And used the court process , I for the most part did what the GAL the court and the supervised visitors asked me to do and was nice to them . And in the end they mostly liked Me ,and it came out in the court reports ,. [MAKE ] the court and all its jesters your friend ,
     1 , Kept the BS  I say about her to all the legal entities to a minimum
     2, Said to the commissioner , I just want to see My son , And don't want to be into the mud slinging ,
      3,  Focused on Making my visits good By spending quality time with My son ,
       [A] Playing video games
        Going to a hobby store and getting a project to do together
            1. Being able to  describe these healthy activities to the Judge at trial ,
     Taking him to the park to ride His Bike ,
       [ C] Lying ???Yep Lying to My son and telling Him Mommy is ok
           Why ? Becuase I could see how uncomfortable it made him when I blew up and said something about her
         [D] Telling him ,that Mom and I are both smart , Mom is good at cookies And cake , And I am good at boy projects ,
        [E] Talked to  more than one psychologist About this and what to do about it ,
        [F] Derived from the psychologist that My job is to make My relation ship with My son as good as possible , And not to ask him about his moms sick crap or involve him
        [NEVER ]gave up
      [G]Always made my visits
      [h] Always tell my son I love him
       [ I] Fired A big blow hard atty and Hired one that wasn't trying to make a fight to win , But was a problem solver .
         [J]Talked to My atty about the Doctor and school, and found out that Because she had sole decision making doesn't mean I can't take my son to the doctor or go to school functions ,And talked to the doctor In real terms about what the parenting plan doesn;t prevent . It doesn't prevent me from asking about or haveing involvement  with school or doctors , Being nice  and patient to the school and doctors
   
   Stupid things I did
         I did not do it all right And these are the things that seems to be what hurt me
         1. Blew up and said she was a rotten Bitch in front of my son . Of  course this got repeated to her and she took My son to the GAL and coached him to repeat what I said , YOU WANT The GAL to get the picture that you say goods things to the kids ,
         2. Talked to my son about what was going on ,  [they just want to be happy]
         3.  Talked to people on her side about this carelessly , And this got back to her , And then she gets the chance to tell that I was trying to do things to her or her reputation , This looks bad , My advice on this one [ ASK an atty before you do any of this ,
         4, Told the GAL too much  crappola about her, It  back fires because psycho's are better liars than all of us , And they can turn any thing around
         5, Did not realise that the court and all of the courts jesters are not some intelligent being that has some special knowledge , And they are dangerous when armed with too much info
        ^6 Did not realise that it is way better to show that I am a good parent, then to spend My time trying find bad things about her ,. [IF ] 'They' are thwarting the court will see it , Even as  Minimally competant as the court is, If your slate is clean, and they are telling stories that don't pan out it's way better than letting them get you to react.
    Yeah this is like  torture or something where you have to let Snails crawl all over you and hold still and be nice , And if you react and kill the snail . YOU ARE A SNAIL KILLER !! Its freeking wierd, but the point is If you react it will be used against you ,!
     In the end at trial , the judge did see the picture , And The Judge commented ,  She said " I think Mr   WI___   was reacting to some of this , And I will not be giving mom Atty fee's .
    I also made the mistake of admitting some stupid he said she said crappola , Don't do this . Be ready to say [if Asked]" did you say mom was a bitch" , Say No "
     The big picture is that these people are sick and tired of the day in day out crapp , Does any one here really think that in the years that this family law court game that is played out, that you have reinvented the " ALLEGATION' Or your EX has !!! , NOPE , this is regualr day in day out crapp , SO the deal ,is deny her allegations and say you want the kids to live with you and be a good parent ! , This is sooooo difficult to stand under this pressure and try to be a LADY or a Gentleman ,But it seems to Me that this is what the court thinks, should be happening , Talk about stand reason On its head !! Wierd system , After My case It seems to me the court would say , SHUT the F up you idiots , Where's the proof or shut up and get out of My court , But this is not the way the game is played , Its like we have to play along and pretend this is not toture ,
    So My next comments are Get use to it . Get a parenting plan In place that tells who gets what when and where , And the best advice I have from people that have been through this is , Follow the parenting plan , to the T , And If they don't ,they are in contempt , And file immediatly , Then they will know you are serious about your time with the kids ,  And get on with life , And do the best with the kids , . My psycho has tried a number of stunts even after trial . And My atty lets me respond to her atty My self , Buy a fax maching , And respond to the Bs like a problem solving adult , And if you have a question ask your atty ,, She has come up with allegations that are not even what the parenting plan say's so I have had to fax copies of the parenting plan to her atty , [as ] ridcoulous as it seems . And she gets charged By the page,. But I have found that if I just send back a realistic reply Not admitting to any exagerrated and implied infractions , Her atty usually goes quiet and is glad for the extra Billing her gets out of her ,
    And My next piece of advice is read the parenting plan through a time or two peridically , My atty say's if the plan doesn't specifically rule on something, it is not a violation , So Read the plan and be nice and play along And don't pick fights over every issue , Just send a letter trying to work a solution and be civil , They will try to not cooperate , It seems to be there job , And It boils down to ,does the Parenting plan say so , If it does then send a letter that say's this is what the plan say's and I intend to pick up the little one on the proper dates and times and I will see you there , Not threats , And If they don't show file contempt . My situation is to some minimal level of occasional Harrassing letters etc , And I respond and deny it and say thats not what the plan say's or what ever, And so far I get My visits .  So My conclusion Is I have had all the BS and I followed My attys advice and kept her feet to the coals on every visit ,  I did pull one trick on her just to FXXXCK with her and I arranged for a Traded day for our visit , Then I  Showed for the regular visit and , Said she wasn't there and told My atty to file contempt , It didn't really work out , But  Her atty made her give a makeup day , And she realised that I could pull tricks and file crappola with the court too ,And she alluded To some stupid thing once I can't remmeber what, But it was shortley after My trick , And I smirked and said there;'s alway's a contempt hearing . And she  Said " I know you will" And the last Issue costed her  $1,200 , And she cooperated , This is enough , I could tell many stories , But the bottom line is this , The worst thing I ever did is things from anger , Or someting to her , the court see's this as the persons fault that did it , they don't always see that both peopl are doing the crap . The best thing to do is just be a good parent , All this will pass . And as I went through it , I can hear the next poor Non custodial parent , saying I'm being treated like a criminal , It's unjust , Why Go through the courts bullshit , I have rights . Well ! Get use to this , The court has an obligation to use its proces because there really are some people that Are wierdo's to Kids , And I gather that the court Is just a test to see if you can functionally play the Game , So My two cents is . PLAY the GAMe Like a sport and a gentleman , And Get them to like you , And you will fare much better than Bitching about the system , They hold the cards , And wether you like it or not You now have to play this game , Play it with a smile and a friendly attitude , , As My atty say's "   You want them to have the impression that you aren't the kind of person that the psycho say's you are "