Looking for advice

[breezy]

There are a ton of options *I see*
1st I think teen kids of divorce have it hard. This is a time they want to play sport, hang w/friend and not have parents :) So having to divide time between 2 household just adds to the chaos of their world.

Is it possible talk to ex and explain that he can have the 1st part of summer from here out so that kids can participate in summer sports programs. (1st talk to the coaches and ensure that practice is only the latter half of summer) Also make sure ex will take kids if 1st few days fall on his time. There should be no reason he can't camp closer to the football field for a few days ;)

I think drop off on Mondays at school is a great idea, but it contradicts one of my other suggestions. *Having recieving party responsible for transportation.

You might also see if ex can pick up kids early on Fridays where there is no school conflict. He could pick up direct from school vice the 6pm I believe is currently in place. This could also work if he wants to attend games.

At one time our order was written in reverse for summer. CP had kids on weeks during school NCP had mid week visit, and 1st, 2nd and 4th weekend. CP had 3rd and 5th when they feel that way. In the summer it was the excact reverse. This gave a 52/48 split in time w/breaks and holidays. ***BUT you would have to see if ex could/would be wiling to take him to practice for the increase in time????

a few ideas I hope

[kevkermit]

Just very frustrating when our children want to participate in sports, etc the ncp has fit but he can choose to give up midweeks, weekend visits because our children have poison ivy or a cold.  Makes no sense.

Just this past Wed he called and cancelled his midweek visit because he had an appointment.  

Guess I find it frustrating because I know there are many ncp's out there that have so much trouble with the cp wanting the ncp involved. Where in my situation, it seems the ncp doesn't want to be involved unless it is going to cause problems for me and our children.

[breezy]

I hope it gets better. I can see where you would be frustrated. Especially w/him making appts on days he knows he has visits.
I feel for the kids. How disappointing :(

[gipsy]

well if you want to deall with the issue , You said " ncp seems to not want visits unless it creates a problem "
  Use reverse psychology
 In my case it is the cp thats difficult , so I have to make the parenting plan the iron rule that governs , I pick up at school and made his piano lesson on my day , But rightat the pick up time so I can be involved in his piano lessons ' Because I am a piano player < And of course she wasn't really cooperating but now that the lesson is on my day lessons are a go ! . So I take the issue as an oppurtuniity to be involved in his lessons !
  reminds me of the optimist pessimist story
    their was once two boy's  from the city sent to a farm ,One boy was then sent to stack the hay , And he was told if ya stack the hay there's a surprise for ya !
   One boy was sent to clean the barn , And he was told shovel all that shit and there's a surprise for you !
   So the farmer leaves the two boy's to their task ,
   He comes back to the first boy and He didn't have much hay stacked and was down hearted ,
   So the farmer left Him and figured < He better check on the other city boy
  The second boy had all the shit shoveled , And he was excited !
 So the farmer wondered why he was so excited !
 And said " Well of the two of you you had the worst job " But you got right too it and are happy " ! How come you are so happy shoveling shit and your friend is so unhappy stacking nice clean hay "
   The boy replied "All that shit there's got to be a pony here some where !"
 
 Don't know how that will help But ! Some people find the worst in every thing ! And some make it the best they can !
  And as a note teenagers are tough for married adults and they want there own way , When you have two divorced parent's kids learn to play you both , My son is 6 yo And he sort of figured it out and tries to play ,
  SOOO watch out and as I have found with the CP in my case " If I don't do things for the """ BATTLE """ And just stay with the facts , And talk about sensible issues ,  She actually seems to be getting better ' But battleing this type is fruitless ,
  Get this " She has battled hard to make up stories and Limit My time with my son , Then when I had to leave the state for a very important event , I sent a letter stateing that I would not be able to pick up my son I get a snotty letter about  " what could be so important that I won't be their for my parenting time " And she will allow the change '
  How wierdwhen it wasn't a short time before she was arguing that I should not have any extra time with my son !
   The point is ' I have to not get into all that And deal with the issue and not say or write any snotty battle induceing letter's , And not things have changed a bit ,
   So What I am saying is you have to be the real adult here , And Be nice not battle induceing and ignore the crappola , And say Ok If this offer doesn't settle the issue for you then what do you suggest , Then listen and say " I will have to think of how that could work and then send back a response of how it will work , And get out of how it won't work because The other person is the jerk . Or 'Only seems
  it seems the ncp doesn't want to be involved unless it is going to cause problems for me and our children. Make that a non issue . And offer a solution that puts him into the driver seat . Like say Ok Here's the schedule for practice , And give it a copy and say send back a written schedule that you think will work so the kids can see you and go to sports : The he has to commit to a solution : And he can't say " you didn't tell me about this practice  or game on my day ; Then tell  Him he is welcome to be at the kids games : And if he is  Give him some space  

[kevkermit]

Thanks for the ideas.  


Currently already have motion filed and am trying to get parenting time changed regarding extracurriculars and transportation.  However, has asked the ncp to come meet with attorney and work these matters out without having to attend hearing.  Ncp hasn't attempted to schedule something so that we can work these matters out.  I know the ncp doesn't have the money to hire an attorney so I don't know why he wouldn't want to meet.

I don't have a problem with ncp having extra time with out children, I actually think it would be awesome if he would be involved with the kids and their activities but he chooses not to.  There have been many times when I mentioned that all he has to do is call if he wants to spend time with the kids.  He hasn't taken the opportunity.

Maybe I am wrong for not letting him keep the kids until 9:30 and just grinning and bearing it, but I have come to learn that I give an inch he just continues to push and push for more.  He knows full well that 9:30pm is late and I work midnights so that is why he requests to have the kids that late (in my opinion).

As far as the kids playing both parents, I believe our children play that game as well.  Try to let the kids know that if they have issues with ncp they deal with ncp on it and if they have issues with me they deal with me on it.  Kids always say they don't like ot talk to ncp about their issues there because the entire family will gang up on them.  NCP lives with wife, mil and extended family.

Thanks again for the ideas.